Money

Well...things have moved on...and all for the better...as we approach Christmas.

I have now paid off my Stamp Duty...well...I think I have....I sent the last cheque a while ago...got "The Man" off my back.

I have also paid my Council Tax up until March 2012. Phew.

I have also had a number of cheques sent to me in respect of the Perth property. This leaves only 2 properties left to pay. One final letter before the Small Claims Court.

Money in equals money out as I am able to pay for help in the flat..and materials as well. My good friend Wendy has a new fella...hurrah!!...and he works bloody hard....double hurrah!!...so now I can move forward better....the living room is the biggest thing as I will be here for Christmas and want to "nest" over the festive period...the living room has been a complete bugger...but it is turning now...second coat tomorrow. Kitchen stripped back....ready for priming...and then painting...2012.....the hall is stripped back and has had one primer paint.....again 2012 for the rest...my room is full of stuff...but is ready for painting...on top of the red wallpaper!!!..2012...and the spare room has now had the built in wardrobe has been demolished and opened up the room...this means that...if I come to sell...the laser measuring thingy will take the room at its widest point...which will be bigger now...and still have a double bed with wardrobe in it. However...at this point...the place still looks a mess...but all the messy work has been done...all the painting to do really...and I hope Stuart can help..if not...just me!!!

Now....am I happy being here on my own at Christmas...you know...I am..I really think I need the time to chill and reflect...about dad...about the work...ANOTHER story!!!....about not having a family or partner....and I do not mean in a negative or depressed way...just let things wash over me...and enjoy being in control of my life, my health and my destiny. I do suspect I will be a bit maudlin at some point but I do not think it will last...I have bits and pieces of furniture to put together and set up the movie sound system...clear some stuff from the room....hurrah!!! I do think I will but myself some sort of games console...up to date....and start some serious fancy shooting!!!

Tara!!

Rock & Roll

Well...sat in the flat...dressed for outdoors and feeling the cold!!! Storage heater is on and warming up....feeling a bit naff...is it man flu or is it fatigue.

Me and the boys hid at Lochinch yesterday...the weather was not as bad as had been expected BUT the wind was horrendous!!....so we made planters...finished off digging pits...cut stuff for storm kettles and painted dad's old tool box to be used as a window box..and today....2 different early years settings...lots of ground work to change into a learning area....frantic....actually...reading this....yip...definitely tired!!!

For a relaxing weekend?...well....need to get a move on and prep the flat for primer and paint!...so...sanding all weekend..although I have not put stuff away in preparation...so that will be half a day away....but you know...ime nae bothered....I need to sit down for a bit!!!! Up early tomorrow and plug away...I think I have managed to snaffle some more cd storage so need to pick them up...oh bother....it will be a late night tomorrow...but..with the walls and ceilings sorted...that will be the end of the messy bits...hopefully!

Last weekend was full on as well...down to Strathyre..to see the family and the bar....what a weekend!!!...was slightly teary on the way back....had forgotten how much I love them all and miss them so....was too long since the last visit...for a number of reasons...over a year...so..ace to be there...crap to be here...well..that feeling has faded and settled back into my home and my work. If I could...I would be there now....although my liver may not be so happy about it.

I have next week to plough through....possibly literally....and then off for a good 2 weeks...my goodness...I do need this time off...never mind the bloody teachers....I need it physically, mentally and emotionally....how will I feel on Christmas Day...single and with dad gone..?...not sure but however I feel I will let it roll over me and take it all...however...I do think there will be a lot of painting involved...and burning in the garden....with the help of Simon....busy as usual but I am determined to have the livingroom sorted for Christmas and hopefully the hall and kitchen...and then on to my blood red bedroom...grief...I cannot wait until that happens!!!!

Spare room will be last with the built in wardrobe dismantled but then need to find a stand alone wardrobe...never ends!!!!

Tara

In Addition

When carrying out a search for this blog you will find a number of references in other...shall we say...less reputable websites....from my profile here I can see an increase in traffic source from unrelated countries....I know my life is so rock and roll and intersting but cannot see why they are coming in from there....some of the source addresses are very suspicious.

I suspect...although I have internet security....that some of these sources are taking information and putting them onto other sites. For example..I seem to be on "screwporn". I guess this is the danger of putting stuff out on the internet.

Tara

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

My goodness...it is cold!!!...had to wear a hat overnight...upgrading my day time hat as I think I need a double layer.

Almost paid off the taxman..which is a great relief...once I am paid then I can finish off the last couple of a hundred....other financial issues...the flat in Perth...1 more cheque arrived and not expecting more....printing off the small claims information today...this will drag on for a while I think.

I went out on a Christmas event with CSO staff on Saturday....big thing for me....1st big social event for me in a long long time...1st without being in a relationship....and 1st time in the suit since dad's funeral. I went with the attitude of simply enjoying the evening...taking what I wanted from the evening and leaving when I had had enough. Was good to be chatting to folk...loud (crap) music meant my ears were ringing and not the best for chat...beer was pricey but if you go to the Hilton what are you supposed to expect? It was good. I enjoyed it. I left before midnight but didn't get up the road until much later....bloody public transport!!!

Been a bit fed up with the job as the "team" won that award apparently..pic to follow...I am all for playing the team game....no probs there...but I was the only one involved with the jail work...the only one who planned and delivered it...the only one who did 10 hour days while everyone else cruised along...fek!!!...but hey...we were the 1st up and we won!!!..so been looking around...realised though...it will pass and if it doesn't and the funding runs out...which is possible as it ends in March....and then I will go on redistribution...full pay...different job..and some time to find something else...perhaps a subconscious reaction to the recent change in personal circumstances?...anyway...I am staying...I am decorating over Christmas...and I will see what happens.

It seems the house is sold in Fife. I think this is good for mum as it must have been a financial strain to keep it going on no salary. In addition...and more importantly....emotionally....it must be a line drawn under this years terrible events. I am swithering whether to go along and see the house for the last time but I feel I had long enough to spend time in dad's presence and say my goodbyes to the house. I can see no positive outcome in dredging it up again.

I look forward to Christmas....I will be on my own...but I will be in my house....which should be liveable by then.....and then moving on to the new year.

Tara

Oh dear

After all this property stuff I forgot about the Stamp Duty...bet dad would have reminded me...schoolboy error...paid £500...another £900 to go...will make it at the end of this month though...then back to saving..so that will be fine..should be able to get BT broadband again and also a tv..even better.

Been working on the flat today...covered in dust...me and everything in the flat....but the living room should be ready to be primed and painted after tomorrow..another dustmungouse day!!....and hopefully the hall as well....so the Christmas period should be comfy and out of the bedroom at least!!!!

Am the official reciptient...well..the ranger service is but it is my project...of the Glasgow Heralds Herald Society Award for Educatiuon Initiative...to do with the Bridges Project..proud of myself and all those partner agencies involved....but most of all for the guys that went through it. Well done everyone!!!!

Tara.

All Change

Well...I must advise that my personal circumstances have changed...now...now...not the usual...and I have to be careful here because my love has not changed...and with that love comes respect..so...all I want to say is that we have decided that we cannot be together in these circumstances...and leave it at that.

Settling in to the house...wanting to push on with the decorating but I totally forgot about the Stamp Duty on the flat!!!...I have the tax man beating downmy door for £1,420.00!!!...which I don't have...unlike other taxes you do not get time to pay...must be in a oner!!..so I have poaid £500.00 and will pay as and when AND quickly...to pay it off...this is the priority now...decorating has to wait. So now I live in what looks like a crack house...although the garden is fine...so we will see when I pay off the debt...then bring in jimmer..it isn't that bad though...my home...my sanctuary!!

I have just finished a hard run of work...and am now making sure I chill and balance...not made easy by the worst case of beri beri I have ever experienced...must have been that Mac D's on Saturday...my God...the radio show on Sunday was very difficult!!! Made it though...but because I was working on Tuesday outdoors all day I went to the pharmacist...and that did the trick..jings...just as well...but what a day...lots of hard dirty work but went well...see what happens on Facebook...SURF Aberdeen : River Don Project...or something like that...everyone is on there...check it out¬!!!!!

My good good friend W seems to have found a loon that is good for her..an ENGLISHMAN no less!! I do wish her all the best!!

Looking ahead...a Christmas without dad...and without family...well..who would have thought..bless though...I would rather he wasn't in a hospice...how crap would that be.

Tara

Darkness

Bleugh....guess I have to get used to dark morning for an early start....crap really....and today we are going native...we are going out on site with only a tarp for protection...so we shall see how the boys like it...he he...and I have forgotten my security password having not been there for a while...now...I put my code into my works phone and what has happened to my works phone?...that's right...it broke..I have a new one...after 4 weeks...but it is sitting in Marischal college waiting for pick up...that will be Monday..so just have to leave promptly this week.

The diary eases off over the next few weeks so hopefully that will mean catch up and recuperation.

Getting hit on all sides for bills..no one has coughed up their dough for Perth...so off to Small Claims Court I go I guess....Council Tax here has come through and I was going to pay in one go but then Stamp Duty came through for this property and that needs to be cleared..and I was hoping to have Jimmer back again soon but that might have to wait..boo...more paper strimming for me...hey ho. However, have been out strimming in the heavy rain so I can have time at C's...2 evening this week and the weekend...although want to freecycle this weekend...see what she thinks.

Well...better get off.

Tara

Back!!

Back after a weekend away...picked up the hire car on Friday evening then over at C's then down to dunfermline to put flowers at dad's grave..phone call to dad's neighbour..then on to South Lanarkshire....phew...that was a long drive...arrived about 4 pm. Heavy night on Saturday with James..saw John on Sunday (originally was for Monday am but he managed to get back home) and his lovely lady..chatted for a good while...chilled out in the evening with James and Georgina..early bed as I decided to leave at the same time as them this morning...7am...and head up to Perth to look at the roof repair I have just paid for (no cheques here so will probably end up taking folks to court)..drove through rush hour on M73/M74..that was interesting!!!

Back to flat..kip...shower...then take car back...as I had overestimated the fuel consumption the lad gave me an "IOU" for fuel the next time I hire a car with them..which was nice of him...back to flat..tidy up...here at the office...filing away and checking mail..hopefully get back to flat soon and chill...busy at work for the week...and show on Sunday evening.

I am becoming fixated with Facebook...the SURF Project does not help...so I thought I would make an entry here.

Interesting to see the effects of the credit crunch.,..previously in Strathaven we have gone out and the streets were full of folk...the pubs were rammed...especially the real ale pub..but this was different...no one out on the streets and one pub was actually empty!!...where were all the youngsters?...we even got a seat at the bar at the real ale pub...never before in all my days...good for us...bad for the manager!! James decided to go for 3 x "mixed pakora platters"...I finished mine..he struggled with his...and later vommed in the morning...all good but a late night especially after the long drive south..worth it though. It has been a year and a half since I was there....this time last year I was supposed to go but Georgina broke her leg...then we rescheduled to February this year but then all that happened with Dad...and this time C couldss not go but had I left it until the next free time that would have been next year because there is no way I am travelling in the snow again...nooooooooooooooooo way!!

So I am back.

Had last week off but couldn't work on the flat for a few days as I was sick as a dog...over work..not looking after myself I suppose...floored for a few days...luckily Jimmer was there so he kept on stripping wallpaper and woodchip while I was on light duties sorting out tac return and final stuff from dad's house. When I was feeling better I was out in the garden hacking back and cutting up ready for drying so I can burn it in November...far too much to remove so burn it is..great fun. So the flat is stripped back and everyone needs to make sure they don't touch the walls or you end up with a fine residue of plaster...like a ghost!...all a bit unsettling but we will get there...I have money left over from this trip but a tax bill...stamp duty..which I forgot about..so Jimmer may need to wait for the next session...at least the garden is done although I need to strim some of the weight of the grass off. I guess I could leave it but it would bug me over the winter...under all that snow the heavy grass is hiding!!!

Family life continues apace as usual and I am trying to be there on a regular basis but with everything going on it is quite difficult...hopeful the number of "things to do" hanging over me is diminishing so I can be there some more...all positive though...although the usual strops are commonplace now...he he..guess I just need some ear plugs.

My new bloody works phone is apparently at HQ..that has taken a month to happen...loss of contact with clients. friends and family is a right annoyance but hopefully my sim card will still hold some information...gutted if not.

I am now sporting a full set of lambchops...and C likes it so it will stay..well...until I get sick of it...where once it was fiery red I now have a mix of red, brown and grey...ah well..comes to us all I suppose.

The main pic here was taken as I walked around the South Trail at Calderglen Country Park..the place where I went for my very first seasonal post...some of the things there I had forgotten about...they replaced the bridge when I was there because some ne'er do wells had actually prised it apart and set on fire...this was a big structure so required a lot of effort...but I had forgotten about some of the boardwalk and the horse shoe falls...so was nice to get around....as I approached the little bridge (the path is troubled with flooding from the rocks above) the beech leaves which had falled down looked like it was actually copper water flooding from above and flowing down the contours of the hill just like water..so I took a pic!!!

There is a reunion planned for my Uni course but it is the middle of November..considering I am just back and will be away to Glasgow mid week soon..I don't think I can go. On the one hand it is disappointing but..on the other...when these things happen..a lot of the time people are lost for words...uncomfortable silence as everyone has changed and moved on...maybe facebook will have changed this..who knows...but I don't think I can go. I am off to Glasgow as we have made the shortlist for the Herald Awards...sponsored by the Glasgow Herald no less...for the work I do here with the Community Service Order guys...excellent...I shall tell them this week..what an achievement if we win...and all good for the cause for me in extending my post and attaining a big van!!!

Tara for now.

ps...the spelling system does not let me add words...so I am aware there are some typos!!

Autumn Is Here!!!

Although still warmish the leaves are coming down thick and fast here!! The spectre of ice and snow looms heavy overhead...at least dad won't have to worry about that as he always did and...even more important...have to struggle through it..which is a relief!

2nd CPD session for early years yesterday afternoon..this time at Kincorth Local Nature Reserve..last week at Hazelhead Park...such a change in early years staff....more nouse about them than before...less edginess about going outdoors..a result of the push by early years development team..it is great..although there are still many who do not want to do it but I suspect that will never change and I believe they should be accepted as such...you have those that excel indoors and those that excel outdoors...easy....teamwork and all that!!! Late finish again and not back until 8 pm...office...shopping...no point in struggling through traffic at that time....another way for me to put back into a process that helped me get out of where I was...supported me along where I went and has put me where I am today!!

Talking of which...CSO today...painting all day..the boys won't be happy...chopping and digging tomorrow...that will pep them up!!

The fiasco continues in Edinburgh....I have no idea what is going on and the Factor isn't talking to me or the letting agent...I suspect a bit of payback from the last time is at hand...fair dues...no need to worry bout matters I have no control over....HOWEVER...scaffolding has been reported in Perth so the job..it would seem..is on...hurrah!!!!..just in time for winter....now I only need to find the remaining funds to cover and then take everyone else who hasn't paid to court..which I will...but first I have to pay the fella....well worth it though...now for Glasgow....been paying £100 per month since this time last year into my account with the housing association...finally contacted the lass in charge of the fascia refurbishment..she had been off for a while so no updates by post...she advises the work has been completed recently and she thinks I am just short of the total amount due so I should be able to stop that standing order...and then divert to something else!!! So...coming together...Edinburgh roof will not be saved for as I am thinking the charge will be humungous...ah well...that will keep the tax man off my back!!

Here is scraping together small amounts...trying to do some work myself but had enough...when I came to the wood chip ceiling in the living room...that broke me!!..booked in Jimmer for a few days...the aim to do the fiddly bits and the ceiling...hopefully get to the primer stage....while I work on the garden....and then a few days away down in south lanarkshire..on my own as Caroline has the kids....all go and all good.

Tara

Morning

What a way to wake up...hot shower in your own hoosey..Judas Priest on the stereo...and a day of office work ahead...he he....nice...oh..and a cup of black gold at hand!!!

Almost normal...weird feeling....last week was all about late days and long hours...and stripping wallpaper...not this week...well....still some paper to do in the livingroom ceiling then I think I will hand over to Jimmer to do the fiddly bits, remove the lining paper in the livingroom and then paint where he can...while I will be out in the garden...if the devil dog below leaves me alone....I will make sure I have my steelies on for that one....a sly sideways swipe should persuade the hound to bug someone somewhere else!!! Once that is done I should be able to relax into the winter in an up to date property..right now it looks like a crack house!!..no more Devil's Coachmen so far but I haven't really been in the spare room..so we shall see.

Last big thing hanging over my head is the tax return for last year but that should be simple enough....and prep the 6 months of this one I guess...but that will be done in October..of course....there is the roof in Edinburgh and Perth....Edinburgh all I can do is pay for it and hope the tenant does not move out...Perth is a right pain....the roofer is not returning my calls...he knows my numbers!!!!...if he doesn't turn up on the agreed date having put it off for ages I will have to pay back the few who had handed money over back in March and apologise...then hope nothing else happens.

Consulting done now and on with the work generated plus the usual crim work..all going well.

Tara

Take a break

1st time really for a breather....well..did some filing...hoovered the flat after the last few sessions of wallpaper removal....and tidied the spare room...to make room for my bike...the wallpaper in the living room is bomb proof...difficult to remove..then the lining paper to come off...then sand and pollyfilla...then coat with lining paint...then paint...better be worth it in the end!!! The hall was steamy...angles meant that I was actually standing on the ladder with my head in the clouds!!! Met my flatmate as well...the steam must have driven him out....a Devils Coachman scurried through the flat and into the spare room......now..I work with murderer's, drug dealers, car thiefs, assaulters and steroid heads..but this thing scared the crap out of me!!!..when I was sorting the spare room today...I was expecting it to jump out....apparently...when threatened it curls it's abdomen up and squirts from 2 anal glands...check it out...this thing is awesome!!!

Anyway, the flat is drying out and I seem to have lost the fella...which is fine by me! Steamed a whole wall...then again with a scraper...only to find under the blood red wallpaper...there is blood red paint on the plaster board!!!..will leave it and use as lining paper!

So nice to come back to your own place...without much travel..trying not to "spread" myself when I don't need to...but I can see it happening...why not...been confined to one room for years...time to enjoy....just down the road from C as well...makes such a difference...nice to just walk up the road...chill...walk back down..less stress and time pressure....came back from the show yesterday....did not go to Chinese or chipper...will power or what?!!!

9/11..watch the full footage most of the day....feel it important to remember..difficult hearing poems about people you lost..more poignant this year...7 months today...bless...nice to see C's daughter fully versed in what happened and full of questions about it.....the young need to ask so it doesn't happen again...or at least....without complacency....a change between us I sense...and the loon..hope it continues.

Work calming down....although properties are a pain...not going into that now....finding time to work ahead as opposed to behind.....see how long that lasts!!!

Tara.

I am in!!!

Well....I am in....well done and thanks to Jimmer. 3 trips to move everything including the furniture from Milltimber...goodness me that was tough going. We could have pushed it on Saturday except I had had enough and we had the van for the weekend...so why bother...bits and bobs coming through but that should be it. Was worried about money..as you do...but it seems to be fine....went overdrawn by a few pounds so will be charged but not a lot...still squirrelled a few hundred away...registered for leccy/gas...still to do Council Tax but that can wait a few days..getting used to having my own space....more than one room to live in...and the kitchen!!!..what to do with all those cupboards?!!!!..I have many empty cupboards!

Now I have come to the end of the consultation period (SURF Aberdeen)my evening work will finish (I hope). So I should be able to enjoy the place...I have a tax return to do and a Saturday CPD in September but that should be it...wallpaper stripper ahoy for me!!! And...of course...I should be able to spend time with the family...oh...and my garden which looks like it has not seen any attention in a long long time..Jimmer!!!!!

I am sure things will bubble to the surface and I had a fewe moments when I moved in...raised a glass to dad...well...bottle as I had no glasses at that time...but I feel fairly positive about things...I really feel he is here and looking over me..is this just a way to avoid grieving?...I don't think so...but we shall see if it hits me later on.

My priority now is to save money for Perth as it is going ahead in October so I will have to cover it first and take folk to court....2.5K at least....and then I need to save for Edinburgh which seems to be in real trouble on the roof...that is going to hurt...so perhaps no October break for us then...but at least we are safe and in houses...perhaps just enjoy it as it is now and see what happens in the future...?

I had a real panic last week as my external hard drive went missing on days I was doing CSO....I didn't want to believe one of my boys had gone into my rucksack while I was away from it and pinched it..although you do have to acknowledge the probability is higher...anyway...this hard drive has all sorts of personal pics and letters and adressess in it...so I rushed off to buy another for a back up...only to receive a call from one of the CSO Order Supervisors...she had something of mine which had been left on her desk..I looked!!...and it was mine...the cleaner must have tidied it away...phew...so...lessons learned...don't carry it when you don't have to....and believe in your techniques which means your boys wouldn't do that to you....ohew all around...now I have 3 500GB external hard drives....super backed up!!!

I had better get up and dressed...I am right in the heart of where I work so travelling time has beend reduced..in fact...I intend to walk to the depot where I intend to leave the vsn...especially in the coming winter months!!!

Tara.

Grassd

Wondered why I smelled of grass when I have just had a shower and put on a new top?...put on my undershirt sports thing I was wearing yesterday when I was strimming grass!!!

Will keep short on this post just now...more to follow. Been very busy last few weeks with work and trying to sort out the flat, etc. I now have the keys..after a palaver!!!...and am ready to move in...well..ready to start to move in. Off just now in my van to pick up helper and then let the pain commence!!!

Settling down after all these years!! Well..that is the plan.

Tara.

OOyah!!

OK,

I am going to have to keep this short as I have been up since 6 am and just back from a consulting session..if you can call it that....at 10.30.

As my pants are spinning in the washing machine I can now suss out what has been happening today.

L received a cheque last Thursday in settlement of the remainder of the Estate. I have a mail redicrection on so I waited and waited...not received it..had to call the solicitor today...as the monies are required for deposit and cheque...."oh, that's not right"..aye..well feckin sort it..electronic transfer...in and sorted.

Waiting for the loan offer to be approved....all very important as I am liable for any and all costs after the exchange date of the 26th....came in today!!!! Paperwork timing may be an issue as I am advised they require a signed form back to them before full releasing the funds. Tight.

However, that is 2 major issues sorted or on their way to being sorted. The situation is bizarre her at the lodgings..all sorts of shenanigans...hence even more important to sort out..right now I am sleeping in the loft as the decorator...yes...decorator is here for the week to paint, etc...the owner though no one was here!!!!..anyhoo...let's not dwell on it..it could be worse.

So, all the stuff I want form the house is in the garage and ready for moving...all the better now I am supposed to have somewhere to move it to!!! All the rest goes up for auction tomorrow...I couldn't go even if I wanted to but I wouldn't...all part of the process...let it go..Dad would have wanted that. Best not to expect much...which is why it is good it has gone to auction...the real value is in the memories not what people are going to pay for it...and all the really valuable stuff..in relation to memories...are in my possession!!!..since there has been no requests from the rest of the family.

I am too busy at work..really...even for me...but it will calm down after all this consultation..and I still have my tax return to do as well!!!...this weekend will be doing that but the weekend after will be moving...hire a van?....hhmmmm..not sure....and there is a possibility I may have the stuff the housemate is leaving behind!!!!

All good and all significant.

Tara.

Back on the map

I officially hate my dongle and intend to take on broadband when I enter my new abode...let's hope...for many other reasons...it goes ahead!!!!

A busy week last week..down to Fife to see the grave..then to Crossford...then Carnock...then the grave..and down to Galashiels to see Louise...overnight and up early for Edinburgh....3 and a half hours later the paperwork was done!!!...then a very quick drive up the road to hand the hire car back in...lovely Zafira...vroom vroom...solicitors next day with a no show...fek!!!..off to library to print stuff off...back to house...auctioneers turned up to take stuff away...nice and quick so I wasn't faffing...then to office to fax printed stuff...and received an apology from the bloody solicitor!!!...back to house to pack...next day off to Glasgow for a break...back on Saturday...show on Sunday and back to work...phew....8 days of busyness but all good.

All is in place now...all I need is the mortgage...funds from the estate are almost all in and...when they are....I will have the deposit and the fees..just need to keep on top of the lender..and not hassle them too soon...today they have only has the docs for 4 working days...the 26th is the target though so keep calm and carry on!!!

Right...got to go and track down some lumberjacks!!!

Tara

Holidays!!!!

So, first holidays since December 2010 if I am honest. Not quite sure How I have made it...well..I do know...but that is another post altogether....and now....I am off and away for a few days...down to Fife...visit dad's grave....then stay at Pitfirrane hotel for a night...see Ann next door...then to Galashiels on Sunday...overnight...then to Edinburgh to sign papers for a mortgage...then back to Aberdeen to hand the hire car back in. Tuesday is solicitor and auctioneer fellas. THEN a proper break!

Managed to get a really good deal on a flat...not the one I initially wanted...in the street I wanted. Was valued at 117K...why I have no idea!!!...so I went in at a cheeky offer of 104K...which the seller was "did not take well"..he he....they came back wanting 114K so I met them in the middle at 109K...final offer....trying to stay calm and keep working..I had to wait until 5.15 pm to find out I had been succesful...hurrah!!!..with an entry date of 26th August,...phew...just in time.

To live in one place that is mine is a funny feeling...been a long time...too long....since that was the case...I look forward to it...keeping my business head on though...always got to be focused...many things can happen between now and then. But....I am confident it will all be fine and then we can all get on with our lives.

So....a long trip ahead...I better get going!

Tara

Tick Tock

How much can i write in 5 mins?...just before the show....well..this week is a biggy...booked a car for next weekend..down to Fife then Galashiels...then Edinburgh to my IFA...buying a flat!!!

Fife to see Ann and visit dad's grave...drop off some flowers. Looking forward to that...then..a few days in Glasgow with the missus...and inbetween...hopefully move dad's stuff to the auctioneers.

Before all of that..this week I have to hire a solicitor...put a bid in for a flat...if it is still on the market...if not...have the other one request a new home report..wait...then barter a price...and all to be agreed by Friday!!! If not...look for a room to rent and continue as above. Quite simple...it either comes together this week or we miss the deadline..try not to get stressed and press on regardless!!!

All positive..all good...and I think I know what I am doing.

Somewhere to stay...what a new concept!!

Oh..and do the consulting thingy..and CSO...and SHMU...talking of which...better go and get sorted.

Tara

Bleaagh

Up early again...you know...I work myself up about these boys but then working outside with them actually makes me feel better..even though inbetween there are the bouts of threats and violence..hey ho..it seems to work though. Isolated up in Dyce today..digging a path out....sure they will enjoy that.

Well, I have been looking at places to buy to live in...yes...to live in....in the area I want to live in...where there are 2 flats for sale...I am pretty sure which I am going to go for but will go back this weekend and view again...seem quite calm about it all really...it is time for it...a long time coming....and dad has helped me do it...plus my Fife skills for saving money of course!!! Perth is still to be worked on and paid for...a new washing machine for Edinburgh...but all in all...all is fine...just a lot of money going in and out!!

Decided I need to put the stuff in the garage to auction...I have to move out of here by the end of August..I would prefer mid august as I suspect the landlord here will kick off when he sees the state of the place...and I simply do not have the time to go through it all again...the final sort has been done. I it goes to auction I have to let go of control of the process and also...more importantly...let go of dad....I feel it will be a wrench...but I also believe it is part of the process.

I have booked some annual leave!!! It is the first a/l since December last year and I intend to enjoy it...although some will be business...most will be visiting people and places....and a nice trip to Glasgow with.....?..well...that is for another post!!! I can hardly wait but have a few busy weeks ahead of me (as usual)..cars, hotels, trains all booked....woop woop!!! Do I need a rest or what!!

Tara

Busy busy

you know...for someone with mild cfs/me I do seem to be quite busy!!! Early starts...late finishes....doing this and that....not resting...hhhmmmm....do I have the right to say it is still affecting me or should I just get on with it?

Anyhoo...last night was the 1st consultation session for SURF..swanning into the Town House..into Committee Room 1..the bigger one,.....and setting up....woop woop...or parp parp...depending on the mood I was in..all very new and exciting...and the group were really nice...Grampian Cycle Touring Club...excellent bunch...really interesting to see their views take shape on the map as they chatted..became very clear where their hopes and fears lay...and a few interesting points for opportunities as well...as for me...I think I did ok...bit rough around the edges and interjected a few too many times....not too bad for a first time...now to type up the report this am...chase for more meetings in the pm...chorus tonight....and extra one tomorrow night....plus I am going to try and facilitate a consultation session on air at the Woodside Show..oh dear oh dear!!!!

Tara

Electro!!!

What a lovely weekend I have had...although I skipped my pre booked studio time for a pre record..but hey...priorities...ready for another show.

Busy week ahead...consulting on Monday pm...at the town house no less...then chorus on Tuesday pm...then an extra one at Colin's house on Wednesday!!!..then I will definitely be going through storage stuff at the weekend because it has to be moved soon!!

Had word from L that part of the estate monies have been posted....mixed emotions for that one..we are of the same mind...yay for the money...crap for the reason. Am sure my cheque will arrive at the office soon. More to come apparently but not sure how much. The reality of being close to buying somewhere to live is another milestone here.

More maneuvering to be done on the job front but will try to squeeze it all in.

Apparently I am off electro fishing on Tuesday...if I can find the time to nab my wellies from Lochinch tomorrow...all good fun...sorry...networking for the SURF project!!!

Needed this weekend "off". Dad would not have wanted me to be like this...not for him...and I won't be...holidays..I do need but will have to sort that out ASAP...along with everything else.

Time to rock the airwaves!!!

Tara

No Go

Sitting here this am I am having to decide where to work today..St Nics or Lochinch....hands down Lochinch....I swear I was sitting in St Nics with no air movement and blazing sun through the windows....a rind of sweat permanently on my head....that can't be good for a body!!!...lots of e mails r.e. consulting....so today I will be up in the breezy office with the option of stepping outside fir some fresh air....and a fly kip if I so desire!!!!

Tonight will be the first time back to the Chorus since the competition. Pay my dues for my Polo Shirt and my CD of pics...then see how it goes. I do feel something that should be enjoyable and fit around my life...the singing is enjoyable...is, in fact, a lot of pressure to learn songs in a short space of time...too short for those working. I also feel those in charge seem to feel they can make you feel bad for it..I disagree...so we shall see....if it happens then decisions will have to be made..there will be other less stressful ways of being able to sing, I am sure.

Today will also be the day of e mails and telephone calls regarding the future...part self employed...part Council employee...and all that entails....so we shall see about that as well.

Trying to e bay is a swine!!!!..my dongle doesn't help...but the Council's tinternet is pants as well...see what it is like today anyway...I got some things to move. Tidied the room up and put all the pics in 1 box..still lots of memorabilia in boxes....will be sorting out this weekend...then prep for the collectors fair at the Hilton Tree Tops..need to find out about that as well....a quiet life?...never!!!

I need a break.

Tara

Forvie

This seems to be working so I will continue!!!

Typing up at SHMU before show. The main pic at Forvie Nature Reserve I took because I had just come off the beach on he way back when the scene caught my eye..reminded me of Star Wars and C3PO with R2-D2 wandering along the desert in Tatooine. What is the pic in this blog...answers in the comments please.

A 6 day week starting with the consultation on Wednesday....8 am start through to 10 pm..phew...then all the usual jiggery pokery...and working yesterday as well...was really nice to do the sort of work I had originally intended for me when I left Norwich Union...taking groups out onto a wild site and showing them around....this time as input for an art project in Dyce with the primary school kids...it was sunny...yes....it was!!!...so tough on the bonce...had to put my hat on..but I really enjoyed it...brought into focus what I want to do...funding is important but the right funding is even more so...I have plans for the future and am starting to maneuver as we type..keep you posted.

The week felt so unproductive that, after dropping the boys off on Friday...I went back and strapped up the strimmer...strimmed until 7 pm...cut a path through a wild area up at Lochinch...felt really good...exercise....meditation...and a whole lot of grass related destruction...cut grass and petrol fumes...sweet heaven!!!!

This week I am not sure...I have to take a strimmer up as the boys broke one...piffle..have to prep for Dyce project at the nursery...there all month each Friday...follow up leads on consultation and do them....sort out storage stuff...as in what is going for sale and where...all of it is out of paid storage now...which was weird...they are no longer attached to dad and the house...they are in my possession and my responsibility...moving on with the grieving process I guess. As mentioned before...I need to do a bit of phoning around for the future.....so that will have to be done on the QT!!!!

I better go as I still need to do some EBaying...enjoy the pic...answers in comments please.

Tara

Wednesday Already

Where does the time go?

Busy all weekend then show..then a long day on Monday...first consultation session I had organised...with Colin from Perth consultant...lots of folk attended and many more to engage with...finished at 9.30ish and I came back here by 10.30 after tidying up and stuff...then early up to Seaton Park for the fun day with Riverbank PS...then drop the kit off then the office...phew...lasted until 5 then went home.

Chilled here...called Michelle in Brissol..then looked at the paintings Simon had packed away...and he really did a good job as well...bless him...took me ages to get to the paintings...what to do...some just won't sell...some I am not too sure I want to as dad had put narratives on the back...and some I think will sell....money to Cancer Research?...anyhoo...that is for the future...I had pulled some pics of Michelle to send to her...but they are under a pile of something else so I need to dig them out!!!...luckily the room here is huge....as it is now storage for the personal stuff out of the other storage...now I need to move the big stuff in storage to the garage here...had started...stopped....sorted into trays and now ALL ready to come out...over the next few days I think...and I am bloody working on Saturday as well...hey ho...always the same...target...to have it all out by Sunday...get my deposit back...and the refund in storage rental...and then work on moving the stuff on from here.

Radio...office tidy....prep for tomorrow. Relatively easy day.

Tara

Type slowly...

it would seem is the best way here...piffle...still have not shaken off the sniffles...went to bed at ten last night and woke at 6...then another full on day..as always...so chilling tonight...Australian rawk...Wolfmother...on dad's stereo...and some discounted Newcastle Brown Ale...hopefully these sniffles will clear as I have 2 days on the CSO...then an interesting day planned on Saturday..and then moving dad's stuff from storage to here...and then the show,....and then the event on Monday...my event...parp!!!...no rest..although some of it will be nice for me...looking ahead..July and August will be spent consulting and report writing...so no chance for time off until September...what a thought...cos by September I will be stressing about funding...poops....talk of Tullos and rangering there...but I don't know...just got to keep ducking and diving...which I am bloody good at I think...but it would be nice for some stability.

Mixed feelings about being ready to move stuff out....good to get it out and closer...less expense...£200 less outgoing a month...plus my deposit back..which is good...but...how can I put this....the stuff being in storage is the last link to dad's life...as it came about from his death..I was there when he lived...was there when he died...and made sure this all came up from home....now it will be totally separate from that....a different stage...it will be mine to deal with..for me...not him...get it?...bit strange. Aware of it and ready to deal with it. All the pics and stuff are here...in my room!!!...so if I move at some point all the stuff in the garage will have to go and what about the stuff in the room...storage will have to be sorted again...locker size is what we are aiming for I suspect.

It does not stop raining here...bloody summer and peeing it down for the last 2 days.

Polytunnel life tomorrow...with the boys..hurrah..not.

Tara

Been A While

..since the last entry...blame it on the man flu...came on sudden and floored me Saturday/Sunday and then back to work and basically flaking out afterwards...my dongle on the lap top makes it less an attractive prospect to make an entry as it takes twice as long correcting the text..every time the bloody thing disconnects and then reconnects with the transmitter the fecking cursor dodges somewhere else..and then all hell breaks loose!!!

Spent all weekend sorting stuff in storage...it came to me in a flash of brain activity...I have a garage here....why not store the kit here and not have to pay for the other storage?...hurrah..or not...I have been moving, sorting, repacking into as high a stack of baker trays as I can..almost there...might have to snaffle some more trays..important thing is that I know what is there now...and where I might be able to move them to..although I do think there is going to be a fair amount I will not move...but what to do with them?...hmmmm...feels good to be reaching the end of this stage...on target as gave up chorus for June...so dad's stuff will be closer and easy to reach...tired of spending hours in semi darkness and having to wave my hands around like a baboon in order to make the lights come on...only thing is the garage is not as secure as the storage facility...but then...I am staying in a posh part of Aberdeen...any ne'er do well is more likely to go for the Ferrari next door rather than a scabby bunch of boxes in a garage...safety by surrounding myself with expensive decoys!!!!

It has taken a week to shake this man flu...hate it...hate not being on top form...but hopefully that is it.

Office work on a Monday/Tuesday is fine...but nice to get away from the smouldering heat and lack of air afterwards!!!...apparently my role is as an "outreach consultant" on this SURF project...glorified fixer and gofer I think!!!!..the experience in consultation session should put me in good stead for the future...along with all the other hats I seem to be wearing. No bloody coffee machine though...hey ho.

I have dabbled again in EBAY and seem to have sold some old metal t shirts..never the damaged justice tour t shirt OR the Grindcrusher long sleeved t shirt as it is the one the day before my hospital admittance for my back...so now I need some envelopes to post them...oh...and I am in a big office building tomorrow...good timing...unmanned post room as well!!!!

Tara

Old Bones

Damn....we busted it big time yesterday...very proud of the boys....we had made planters from scratch over a few days stuck out at Hazelhead...then snaffled the tipper yesterday...delivered them to the school...after digging out top soil from a garden in Newmachar...hard hard work. 1st time we dug was all nice an sunny...next time was torrential rain...I wanted to stop but the boys kept going..and in good humour!!!..amazing...spoiled at the end by the janni but I have hopefully sorted that one out.

Chain Gang

Long day ahead...CSO...we will be digging up earth..then the planters into schools....then hopefully a shower....then a pre record at SHMU...may be back by 10 pm...oh dear oh dear.

At least it is sunny...burn!!!!!

My head is like a neep already!!!

Tara

Proper caffiene

I tell thee..i bought some decaff by mistake and thought..."ah well..it will be fine"...well it wisnae!!!..so i bought some proper job coffee which is having the desired effect..Simon will be having the benefit of the other type of coffee..he he...no cycling tonight...think ile go thru dad's paperwork with my postits...cso tomorrow and Friday with 2 hrs each day at SHMU....pre recording emergency shows for the future,....since the other were totally used up with dad, etc.

I expect to be tired at the weekend..but I will be cycling...then Fetterangus....then here and helping W do a food shop and then the show on Sunday..and some more time in the storage on Sunday...phew...then back to work..busy busy.

A pleasant evening with the ladies of St Swithins yesterday...hurrah!!!

Tara

Sleep

I seemed to spend the day dozing inbetween work...waste of time in Dyce...see what happened there tomorrow...spent some time with W who is under police protection from her ex...good to see here...haven't for a while...nice to chat bout things...made me realise a lot about my situation...and nice for her as she seems to have a fella on the scene...good...good to get her out of the house...she doesn't leave on her own...good to see my chum.

I wonder if it is all catching me up....perhaps it is the office work...focusing on a screen for long periods of time...hey ho...maybe get on the bike tomorrow...we shall see.

Tara

Hammerhead

Having battered the steel shaft on the bike..trying to get the end attachment off so I could put the new seat on..I gave up as I was destroying the thing...took it to the shop today....what the hell am I doing wrong?..use the bits from the old seat and take that off and then put that on there....thanks very much...would have been nice to know there was an option...when you get some kit you expect the challenge is to use that kit to get the result...bloody use the old stuff on the new seat...cha!!

Anyhoo..the padded seat is on...as is the mudguard....and my shorts await!!! Not tonight though...taking it easy....office....Dyce....for work...freecycling as well....then off to St Swithins for a CPD..then to Cults to pick up a tv/dvd combo....sleeping well but waking up early....time helps....but then up and away....best way to be I guess.

It would seem that the consultant is wanting me to do the consulting for him...which is fine by me as long as they know I am only on that job for 2 days a week..and I have never done it before...a learning curve indeed...and I may snaffle a digital dictaphone as well...if I play my cards right...but we shall see....a far cry from the job I gave up a job for....me stay true to the ideal or go with the flow?...stay here or go...no ties now....running away or finding the path I chose in the first place?..all an option....I think I will stay here for a bit and have some continuity in my life...that is what I am looking for I think...peace and rest....and some fun in life....not that there was not before...but you know what I mean...wait until the estate monies are in and then see what happens....a holiday is a definite!!

Next time on the bike is due to be Wednesday I think....CPD and paperwork is the name of the name of the game tomorrow.

Tara

Wolfmother on pop's stereo....rock!!!!...Cosmic Egg indeedy!!!

Run Up

to the show is usually filled with texts and jokes....not so now...just have to get used to it I guess...poops!!!

Pic

Oh...and the pic is from Llandudno....walking bacak down the Great Orme and the view is of the east beach...our hotelis closer to the hill...and the singing venue further along the shore front.Very much like Brighton...bit cheesy though...but all the fun of the fair.

Suspmenshion!!!!

The bloody suspension on the bike may have looked good...and indeed have worked for someone a bit lighter....but nae good for me...the spring under the seat was squished as soon as I went on the damn thing!!!..well...I suppose it is a bench mark of sorts. It was fun...well...sort of....and flat....I think that I will not be cycling to and from home to the van for work...there is no way I can make it up the hill to the main road and then again up the next hill to the house. I think think the target is to be able to do the loop, quicker and stronger on higher gears...and see if the weight falls off.

To be honest, I think I would have been able to make it each way without a stop if it hadn't been for the excrutiating pain in the seating department!!! Oh my goodness me!!!...first it was sore then numb then numb sore..I had to get off the seat just to get the feeling back..which if course was sore!!!! After a brief soujourn in the house it was back into town to purchase a well padded seat and extremely well padded pair of shorts!!!..kevlar for the crotch!!!!

Am up early this am as I need to go and sort out the tax at the office. This is a return from 3 years ago which they lost...I put in figures as they told me all that time ago and they are now saying I shouldn't have...and charging me 3.5K for it plus interest even though it was their fault for losing the information. I do not trust them and am going to check first before I type this letter stating it has to be zeroe'd...it is me who will get into trouble if I should have put the figutres in!!!

Just deserts this morning. Ran out of coffee and used a housemates....it is putrid!!!! Still drink it though!!

After the tasx, some filing then to Newmachar to look at mud (yes, mud!!) then perhaps to storage and definitely to shops and then show. Nice to be wearing shorts again.

Good to be busy. When I stop I think and when I think I get down and upset. Best not.

Tara

Bonds That Tie

When the dark clouds lift and you are blinking, not knowing where to turn...reach out from the dark...you will find what you are looking for.

What is this wonderous thing?...

....that sits in the sky and throws forth rays of heat?...why are my arms red and my face all tingly?....blow me....I do believe it is the sun!!!! In Aberdeen, it burns and taunts us for a few months before we are plunged into the arctic winter.

Good to work in but I am covering up today so will be superduper hot....jings.....lots of water for me I think.

Longer post over the weekend..after the first bike ride after C2C!!!!

Tara

Coming Home

Last bit of my kit....dad's stereo and stereo unit...is coming home today. Sure it is going to be uncomfortable retrieving it...Simon to the rescue...and embarrassing as well...the street looks on behind closed curtains...twitch twitch..but it has to be done and that will be that.

I have bought a push bike....went up and had a look at it last night....he he....they say you never forget....I was lucky I did not fall off...the thing looks like some magical space machine...with suspension front forks and a pump under the seat...was only when I hit a bump I realised it was a form of suspension....the whole back of the bike moved!!!!...and me with it!!!!...felt like the bike was collapsing!!!..so hope it goes well...now all I need to do is figure out how to change a tyre and I am set....luckily one of the guys here is a cycle courier so I see my friendship will need to be developed!!! 1st run is for tomorrow as moving stereo tonight.

Then I have to settle down to the storage work and reduce that. I think Sunday for that as I am "working" at SHMU in the evening. On the subject of SHMU...will have to do 2 pre records of the show...now I have the time to do it....just to keep the ladies happy at SHMU,....which reminds me....I need to sort some tunes out for that one today!!!

I never went to chorus yesterday... and it felt fine...taking a break for a month I think...lot of pressure actually...more than I expected...so much to learn in a short time....never reallised that...they should make that clear when you show interest. Anyhoo....will be nice to continue and hopefully my increasing health and fitness will help this as well.

Tara

Day Zero

I guess it is going to be best for me if I see today as that.

Back from Chorus with 19th place out of 35...which I think is very good although some were expecting a higher jump from 21st out of 39 last year. Looking at the scores, however, you can see there is only 1% difference between 19th and 12th..so all to play for next year...which some of the guys are talking about already!!! Me?...I am taking a break for a bit...to have been focussed on that plus my dad's stuff plus my work has been extremely difficult to manage and (part of the explanation not an excuse) has played a huge part in recent events. Enjoyable...yes....back to practise tonight...no. Had a wobbly on the way back as everyone was calling their wives and partners...no one for me...not pity....just a bit disconcerting..back to reality..well...as it is now. Speaking to both Wendy and Michelle...both understand....say it will pass and tomorrow will be better...I know it but it doesn't make it any easier...same the world over isn't it?

Interesting feeling for me...Louise sent me an e mail syaing dad would not want the tasks he gave me to take over my world and affect it....unfortunately that has come too late BUT I also have to continue to do the job right now otherwise it will still be there in months to come...wonder how I will feel when I go back tonight or tomorrow...all my childhood still in that container.

It was interesting to be involved in a "team" activity..although I like being around folk...as a ranger...your tendancy is to be on your own or with small groups...hanging about with 40 fellas and their partners does not constitute this...was nice to be part of a group....the camaraderie....the team effort...nice to have some time away....I took the opportunity to speak to Brian's wife...friends of mine from other work...about my situation...nice to hear her perspective as someone who has been with same person for 30 odd years..and be honest about my part in the situation...I appreciated that...good Yorkshire fowk..changing in a big arena hall with everyone else around you was a culture shock..as was walking onto stage in front of about a thousand folk...pics on the website I believe. There was much merriment to be had as well...but I was not partaking as much as everyone else...the afterglow wnet on until about 3 am or 4 am for some....casualties on the bus!!! Southport for next year I believe...but I don't want to think about that just now....my bank balance is still reeling from this one!!..although the hotel package was ace...breakfast, bed and dinner....3 nights...about £180.00...excellent...although the place was definitely like Fawlty Towers!!!!..nice experience...nice people...back home now though.

SURF's up..apparently....meetings today..plus a bit of telephoning around...me and the consultant have given ourselves a seriously short time scale to organise a few events..one at the end of June...so there is a huge amount to do!!

Have been in communication with our overall boss about contracts and suchlike...he ahs come back saying it is all to do with the money...which we understood anyway...but it is a stress to know we need to be scrabbling around for the funds already...when looking to Next March...had a chat with Kevin regarding CSO and there are a few interesting things going on for the future..am I a Ranger now?...does my post resemble anything like one?...some woukld say no...and I am not sure if I would disagree with them. So, should I go with the flow and follow the money...if it still allows me to do a job I like?...athough not like I expected when I started on this path...stick to the current situation?...where I never know what ius happening year to year...and live with the stress from that...which has an impact on my private life?..the other option is a bit more extreme but one that has been running around my head for a while...why dn't I just find something else and leave Aberdeen?

Part of me thinks this is running away..and I can't do that anyway just now....same issues somewhere else...part of me thinks....I was happy in Strathyre...I liked going back to my flat in Edinburgh...all my old classmates are there....closer to other friends as well...I have friends here...my job is fine...but...it is not a place of hope and intrigue for me anymore....too many memories...too many negative times...wasted times I suppose...I might ask Kevin about the possibility of transferring to Edinburgh...see if the new proposed structure here...which is running there...might absorb me..network with the ranger service there....all this is rumination...but I have to think about it....can't wait for it to come to me...always good to be proactive.

It feels good to be able to talk to you again old friend...my blogspot....I missed you...even if it is that you listen without judgement and qestion to my ramblings...this is therapy in itself...letting it out...while being careful not to offend. I do hope I am never away as long as the last time.

The sun is shining..the virds are singing...life goes on and I am glad to be a part of it...even when it hurts.

Tara for now.

Competition Time

Well, as you can see...there is a comment below about actions and reactions...since that comment I have corresponded with that person....I totally agree my actions were not the best and was going to write about it on the blog then decidied that it was not the most appropriate place to do so....I think I will leave it at that.

Up early and life goes on..competition time!!! What an exciting opportunity....off to Wales to sing at a Barbershop Convention...I do hope to have some time to myself and go for a walk...one of the guys at CSO comes from there and has said to ignore the trams and walk over the Orm to the west beach...which I might do. Anyhoo...a long drive (not for me!!) and a few hectic days then back home. Then.

Get myself together..take a month off chorus...go through dad's stuff at storage...cycling as well...settling down.

Tara

Here we go again

Well, as promised....here is my new post. I guess the reason I have not been on for a long time is that some momentous events have been taking place...taking me away from my lap top and then not having a very reliable internet service as well.

What has been happening? Well:-

1. Dad being ill...up and down the road
2. Dad passing away...down the road...up and down clearing the house and putting into storage
3. Work and family life
4. Being dumped and kicked out
5 Made homeless by 4. and having to deal with that.

What a crap 5 months I am having but can only hope that this is it now. Pain and freed go hand in hand at this point in time and I am still trying to move the big stuff out of the house and keep calm and keep away from Caroline. I will discuss later!!!

Dad

My God...what happened there? A "virus" as the doctor stated..until he fell out of the bed as he was so emaciated and disorientated...then it was all guns blazing and into hospital...ime glad he is out of there....change over of staff...no one knows what the previous notes were so couldn't tell us anything....then moved from one ward to another for "investigation. Results started coming back saying cancer and we were to go to the hospital to have a meeting with the consultant...apparently well spread through dad...why did the GP not think about this?...but then by that time it was too late...over a period of 24 ours he rapidly declined and we were told to get to the hospital...one quick drive down the road and I made it...what a state!!!...it was clear he wasn't going to make it...even the night staff that came on were distraught..what a change....all I can say is I am glad I made it in time...even though the image will stay with me for the rest of my life.....I would not have had it any other way......the whole situation was intense...afterwards was just running around for certificates...arranging meetings..going through the mounds of paperwork for me and for mum..so much dross it was unbelievable...but you couldn't ignore anything as in amongst all of it was some precious documentation and personal stuff too....what a chore...but I did it against serious crap in the background..I did it for dad and for myself...to hell with what anyone else thinks!

From then on it was arranging vans of all sorts and storage to put all the stuff into. If it wasn't for the flexibility of work and help of friends and colleagues I would never have been able to do it..and of course...my now ex partner. 3 months of my life totally absorbed by the project...cos that is what it is...a fecking project and no less!! I always thought the worst thing about a death the emotional side of things...how naive....the logistics are the worst..I think the emotional side of things is sorted...he isn't here in body but definitely in spirit and beside me all the time..I wonder what he would make of the recent happenings...I am glad he is not here in body...he would be worried and very upset. Anyhoo...mum has the house....Louise has her stuff from the house and I have a huge storage room to work though...9 trays of books and vids and cds are already at Cancer Research...but still so much left behind!!!

...just back from doing a show,,,that was difficult..started off with some crappy slow songs as I had brought masel down with thinking too much...Michelle texted and told me to pick up beat songs....which I did...but then she said they were too loud!!!!...ah well...nice to have someone to tell you that. Miss my texts at the end of a show saying it was good...and going home...but hey...that is done now.

Managed to figure how to rip cds to my external hard drive rather than the pc hard drive...which means I can rip dad's cds and then put them to cancer research....which I have done today....ripped that is.

I am going to go now....what a week...I have an appointment at 8 am tomorrow then a consultant coming up from Perth for 2 days....hurrah!!!

Tara

Still here

i am still here....so much has happened....more than some might know...will upddate as soon as I can.

Keep the faith

Home!!!

Made it home after a "turn and burn" scenario. Up early to hand back the car and then off to meetings and radio show!!..phew.

I feel fine though. Feel good as I have done a lot at dad's and had a very nice drive in a very nice car..hurrah!!

Long day today and then all the way through to the weekend when the kids are away AND I am not working...double hurrah!!!

Tara for now.

Happy Wednesday

My goodness....I feel trapped by the power of chat!!!...not many people can dominate me through the medium of chat but I have been trapped for an hour....or is it that I became desocialised?...not sure...the new landlord is an "individual" for sure...fair enough though...if it wasn't for the excessive battery of chat I would like him even more...head strong...confident in his own abilities...won't settle for second best...takes chances...travelled....enjoys life...does not suffer fools..sound familiar?

He he.

Settling in after a blip last week....tread carefully though...but seems fine...just came to me there the now...this is the 1st lodging where I have been staying with a couple!!!...interesting...new experience...for us all I suppose.

We seemed to have turned a corner with the kids back at the other home...my real home really....change in attitude from the lass and continuation of the same from the loon...all good...more stable between me and C...it is nice...still have a kind of jolt when returning to that environment...but still feels like it is where I should be. One of the things discussed at the blip was when I was moving in with C..this was my landlord!!!...so i had a think..then chatted to C..12 months too much....3 months too short....so..a review in 3...my gut instinct will be 6 months...what a thought though....what a change....what a journey....stability for the kids is the priority at the moment..they have been living in a state of flux for so long now...and then it settles...and then they are moving school close by home...which will not be easy...specially for the loon...hope he doesn't go down the route of kicking ass (although it may be the easiest way) for those that give him grief..all he has known thrown out the window..he is quiet but strong...so we keep things as they are...do not think me moving in would be good for them or me at this point...counselling finished but many things to settle for me and for us to build on as a team..couple...strong though..and hat is a good thing.

I won't let the memory of the last devastating relationship affect us.

Counseling finished and complete...strange to not be walking the streets to fill time before my appointment but very good as well...sorted my sports membership....ready to go...went to library to return/take out new cd's...and back here for entrapment!!!..he he..was fine...and still have time to pack, freecycle and blog...all good.

And back to family life tomorrow..although another weekend where i am working a day of it....well..an afternoon then on to the radio show...but still...almost feel I am not living up to me part of the bargain....C says it is alright but I am not comfortable with it...it is the job and it is important for the future..in fact..it has contributed to the future..our future...but still feel like a shite! What of the future...?..well...we shall find out soon enough...just keep on keeping on and wait for the word that will follow..quietly confident...but never rest until the letter hits the floor!

As for property..well...Edinburgh has cost me £250.00 in upgrading for the wiring....and Mr B is asking for an extra £400.00 for the Association and repairs to the roof....Glasgow will cost me roughly £300.00 for a new cooker and a direct debit for £100.00 until December this year for fascia repair and Perth is going to cost me £2.5 K for roof repairs...and then i have to take the rest of my b'stard neighbours to a small claims court to reclaim the monies...fun fun fun...oh...and assuming I secure the extension of my contract....I am trying to save £10 K of upgrades of a property I am hoping to purchase this December and then rent out....all go...still up for it....hope it is worthwhile when i come to retire!....bloody better!!!!

My life seems to be hectic and never stops...but...hey..all good....Sunday work then radio show then pick up hire car at 8 am on Monday and then down to Fife to check on dad...see what is happening down there...stopping off at Sheriff Court in Perth on the way...the back Tuesday...missing 2 important rehearsals!!!..then back to Radio on Wednesday and work....hey ho....will be tired...C knows this....but a hug and I am fine.

Tara for now.

S

Happy New Year

...and to celebrate, Aberdeen has decided to rain down on me!!

Suppose it is better than the snow, it has to be said. Especially as I have a walk tomorrow...it will remove what is left of the ice on some of the paths....I hope!!

Well..all back to normal now..as normal as can be that is...work, chorus and counselling..although that will finish soon enough....freeing up some time to go and do some exercise hopefully....there was a full lot of chorus last night...bit too much messing about for me...a bit of banter is fine...but 2 mins of joking and fecking about prior to a run through,.....which was invariably wrong...does add up the time...dear me....a long way to go before we can compete properly I think...hey ho....it does need to be fun though....I am enjoying it although not knowing the words can be a pain in the backside...more for my fellow bass section than me....but they are all helpful and i am sure...once I am on the full distribution list...i will receive the relevant documentation...ha ha...i must admit I have probably lost or deleted a few docs as well!!!....must stop doing that.

Strange time at work as we enter the last 3 months of my contract..although we are fairly sure a senior manager is going to initiate executive powers to extend as we have the money...but we do not know for sure...so I cannot commit to anything past March and cannot take anything new on but still have to shake and make things to keep the momentum going...kind of.....pretend everything is going to be alright when I am not sure it is...been here before but in a much stronger position..as mentioned before...if this goes ahead that will be me over the 2 years so they cannot get rid of me (that easily)!!

We have a councillors visit today at Lochinch...our office....so they can see where Aberdeen FC are looking to build their stadium...hoping to shock them into saying...goodness gracious...we cannot have this...to hell with the millions generated within Aberdeen businesses and our back handers!!...like that is going to happen...obviously...I was joking about the backhanders....but there is so much political pressure...the guy is Stewart Milne for goodness sake!!!...I can't see it not happening.....but then..where will we..as a service...be in a few years time?

Settled into my new digs and seems to be fine. Hope this will be the last move before buying...which...of course...i can't say until the news about the job comes through...hey ho!!

Tara