How do I get past them?...

Found this main pic on my USB...when I was at LLTNP on the West Highland Way..bloody blog cuts it all off really....remember the scene with Yosemite Sam and Bugs Bunny when BB managed to trick YS into a room of lions and he had to tip toe through?...well..I had to do that with a bunch of very large (when up close) coos....wading softly through ice, snow, water and slurry....great fun!!!! Ah..those were the days!!

Well, what has been happening?...a journey for me.....both physically and emotionally..a new phase begins I think...demons put to rest...well..some of them...and a more focused approach on the future. I ended up back at the Edinburgh on the second week of my annual leave...really to walk around and take it all in BUT I found my flat to be in a poor state....and still having folk view it as well!!!...the guy has moved out (and still paying) but the chaps at LJ's were still viewing the flat with TV cables all over the shop..stains on the sofa...ripped sofa....old bed clothes on the bed....cooker still wasted after cleaning....new heaters looking tardy...all contributing to a general feeling of not being looked after...no wonder there was no takers...anyway....kicked them up the back side and need to chase (tomorrow I think!!)..and broke up a large table and set of chairs...he he....midnight placement in the local bins!!!

And that cheeky bugger still leaving his motor bike in my space....retribution will be mine and served swift ya bam!!!!!!

I also went walk abouts all over Edinburgh...went out to Portobello to look at a "live" exhibition...which the bloody blog seems to have put up there!!!..anyway....puggy machines with batteries...to make the lights work...on a beach...looking like those NZ monoliths on Easter Island....was crazy to see but rally good...started to think what they have been through to finally end up here.....who signed the safety forms on the back?...who had been beaten up against?..who had made love against?...all that.....was really good to see...bu not as much as it could have been...my love and life was not there!!!

Edinburgh has changed so much..really...all for the good I think as well...was good to see it but sad as I had no place there...my place...it was obvious....was back in Aberdeen...who would have thought it!!!!

So I came back on a much more pleasant journey than on the way down in more ways than one..spent the weekend with C and the kid...wen north to Macduff and sea world..was great...to get out of Aberdeen...to see the fishies...and to spend time with the missus and the kids...great.

Work continues apace but this term I am trying to manage it so I do not over work maself..and so far it has worked...Forest School then Bridges....and not a lot in between..although I suspect there will be a lot of NHS work to do since the Graphics guy had his butt booted..well..i think he did anyway.

At the weekend I try and make sure time is spent with the missus and the kids if they are around..it makes going to the studio a bit difficult for me as I want to stay but, just as C is a major part of my life, so is music and the show...up to 4 hours now....2 on a Sunday....1 on a Wednesday which is repeated on Monday now...hurrah!!!! I love it, and it is good for me.

I am also going to the sauna and steam room at least once a week...2 meditate and medicate. My knees have always given me gip since volunteering and having a few accidents...but my back is killing me.....i searched on the internet and it seems all those who had the same operation as me on my back suffer the same...well..actually..they seem worse....really bad...."flat back" and pain all the time...I think all my aches are connected but also that I am lucky the size of the rod is such...and the op was so big.....that I don't have the hunch and am "propped up" anyway....the deep heat helps recuperation and circulation. From what I have read, the reversal op is not an option...recovery time would mean my career is over...and there is no guarantee of success...waking...heat...and losing weight seems to be the key. Quite a thing...to realise that the ache you always thought/hoped had nothing to do with the surgery was indeed a result of it and thousands of people around the world are suffering the same/worse than you...inescapable...at first depressing but not now..keep doing what I am doing and see how it goes.

One of the things I did when in Edinburgh was to travel to the hospital but I should have known it was never going to be there..it looked half shut the last time i was driving by.....and the new Infirmary had been operational for a few years. It had all been developed into some nice houses and some strange looking apartments....I could feel it though....the way I did walking up the driveway...damn...took some pics...I knew where the entrance used to be...surprised no one contacted the fuzz as I looked so out of place...and then I left...no place there anymore...but it was good...kind of saying goodbye.

...and so back here....where I belong it seems....and back to funding issues...were is the money...?...what if it doesn't turn up?..what then?...well...I don't want to leave here so that makes it a lot simpler..all I have to do is make decisions based on that.

And on that note....tara.

Nae Towels!!!

Wish my land lady would sort the heating out...she says it is some fault with the thermostat but i think she just doesn't want us to use up the energy!!!!...upshot is that ALL my towels are now outside at the mercy of Aberdeen weather...which means they will stay wet for the rest of the day...one of them smells as well....nice..and I need one for my holidays!!!

Hurrah!!!...whoah...stop...just had a look outside to see a sheet of water coming down...so...I shall commandeer one from the laundry cupboard...off on hols!!!!

For a number of reasons i think this has come at the right time...although I do love Aberdeen very much it is only when you are away from it do you see how grey it is...due to the granite...and very industrial...it is a weird set up....with the port right in amongst the city offices...God only knows what it was like back in the day.

I saw some footage of Edinburgh this week and it seemed to get me...don't know why...but I feel like I want to go back and intend to do lots of walking around (and cd buying!!!)...so that is what I shall do.....walk..buy cd's and consume some beer!!!

This week I have been dealing with a number of things but have found time to go walking, swimming and a few sessions in the steam room..which has been good as it has loosened up my back and knees ad have been pain free now for 3 days...which is amazing....I need to make sure I get out and about or make time to sauna it...always make excuses when I am working....an excuse not to sit in a steam room/sauna and allow the heat to work its magic on my ligaments and tendons...fool!!!! I am sure the problems with my knees come from all that cycling when I was superduper heavy....grinding away those miles...but hey...hindsight is an amazing thing is it not?...my back is not going to get any better..just hope it doesn't get any worse..again...exercise and steam action should be good enough.

Anyhoo....just checked my ticket and the seat is booked for a slightly later train...brilliant....as I need to travel from the north of the city to the centre before I get to the train...so that helps. I will be staying at the flat to check the work that has been completed...and see if the guy managed to move on the huge dining room table and chairs!!!!..so will be cost free, close to public transport....with my lap top so I can play tunes!!

Then back to work....haven't even looked at my diary and I don't intend to either!!!!

Catch you on my return.

Tara