There And Back Again - Long Road Travelled

Interest

2012-01-28T20:41:00.002Z

Why?...in Russia?...well....thnks for looking!!

Everyone is telling me to "man up" regarding my knee..but it is bad...well....deep....and I still haven't been to the pool or the gym...hey ho...gotta look after myself...tomorrow I will tidy up all the crap I have left in the office....over the years...and sort it out..long time coming.....I feel the need to tidy up these loose ends...in time for February...and move on..no...that is wrong...not move on...just reach a natural point....and I fell I will.

Tara.

Music

2012-01-26T21:01:00.002Z

Another post on the same day...well..short of time this am.

I was called into Kitty yesterday...told to change over vehicles...I thought it would be a swap at the lease company..nay nay and thrice nay...I turned up..the guy said "you're taking away a fleet car"..."eh..I am?"..and so it was...I went out the car park and clicked the key at a tipper van...no...and then at a Connect...no...walked a bit further...OH MY FECKING GOD!!!..they bastards have given me a corporate Ford Feckin Fiesta estate thing!!!..damn, blast and hellfire!!!...I had to squeeze everything in and make a run to Lochinch to empty some if I was to pick up my Wednesday volunteer...and a weird feeling came over me...no not a reaction to the canary yellow of the Council Colours...strange.

Thoughts later. That particular van I had. I had spent more time in it and around Aberdeen than I had with partners..and through many situations with partners....it was that very van that took me at speed to Fife as dad lay dying..hanging on...and then letting go when I got there...all down to that van...it was the constant in my life...it moved me from place to place...sometimes at leisure and sometimes not. Almost fitting at the first anniversary...and at a new year...to leave my longest suffering partner behind. And then the other side...after all this time...to be part of the team..or at least to have it made plain...to wear the colours....albeit in a shitty van which most definitely is not fit for purpose...it was nice...but even within the corporate colours...still reflected who was driving it...a year older than the Combo...battered and scratched and scruffy...but still going..that is me.

A weird thing that...changing over a vehicle...why should it mean so much...well..I guess it does for me.

I have a greater sense again of the importance of music for me and how the lack of access affected me before. I have been given some vinyl by a colleague and am reading up on DJ'ing...while listening to some old cd's...my lifeblood...whether or not I go down that road is to be decided...money...always money...if it doesn't happen...at least I have some cracking vinyl..proper bo!!!!

I am aware that there is aomething bubbling below....and I assume it is to do with dad...maybe not...and defintiely not a dangerous undercurrent...maybe it is the fear of someone letting go and seeing the future with all it's possibilities....I thing that may be it...but we shall see as time goes on.

Job wise..it is so complicated I have lost track of all the permutations...money owed...money committed...money to be committed..blah blah..but I have been told to carry on as normal..that money owed will not matter and all will be well...serious commitment from the top...and they are coming to us for work!!! Settling down...well...maybe.

Tara

Anniversary

2012-01-26T07:27:00.002Z

Well...time is drawing in and the date comes closer...of dad's death. I am pretty stable about it and seem to be coping better than anyone else...why?..not overly sure about that...but I am and that is a comfort. Although...slightly "off" feeling...sniffles...run down when I have no reason to be...this could of course be the ME but I doubt it...you keep thinking back to..."this happened on this day or that day"...but I try and stop that as there is no point. He is gone and we all have to live with it. The house is transferred over on Friday so that will be that...a bigger wrench for mum than me I think...but I am just happy someone is moving in. It shouldn't be empty...it should be a buzzing family home...which I hope it will be.

I intend to hire a car and go down there on that weekend but visit the grave on the way back up the road...maybe go to the church on the Sunday before visiting the grave...we shall see...I am led to believe the gravestone will be there but it matters not to me either way...I just like sitting in the car and listening to the sounds...just like the back garden. Nice.

I have not been able to go to the gym this week...or the pool should I say...as I mentioned I have been feeling a bit rough...was feeling guilty then gave myself a talking to..the gym/pool is there for me to use when I want to...and I knew there would be times I did not or could not...so just chill and look after yourself. In addition, I tripped up on Friday and skinned my knee.,...was quite deep so have a big lump of a scab on it...not good for the pool...definitely not good for cross trainers...thing is..I haven't been to the gym since my induction!!!...ah well...a balance between fitness and pampering...I prefer the swimming anyway.

I am glad I joined though. Is really nice...lots of posers but I just ignore them.

Better go to work.

Tara

Trying

2012-01-15T20:09:00.003Z

...trying to make changes in my life...bought a wok and some veg....going to try and get back onto the stir fry thing rather than toast..or beans....that and the swimming...which I must say I am enjoying...well...definitely the jacuzzi!!..all about self worth and allowing it to happen..so we shall see what happens.

Just back from Perth...stayed overnight...met a friend...not for as long as we thought....but her mother is not well..so...it was nice to chill out for a few hours...but I still went with the expectation of being on my own...why?...to leave myself to the whim of chance and experience what may happen...I spent a lot of time back in my old haunts...some of which I had forgotten how crazy they were....and the hotel which was a bit "tired"...but then I walked around town taking pics and then up to the bus stop on the outskirts of town...nice bit of exercise..then walked from bus station here to the car...and tidied up....so lots of experiences which were all fine. Bit of a fright when I turned the corner to the hotel at the end of the night to find swathes of teenagers outside and inside...blimey....the girls don't wear many clothes these days do they?....ayes ahead of course...then up to my room...the party went on for a bit but it shut down after a while.

Still not feeling an increase on fitness but I do seem perkier...less recovery time....I guess my progress will be less than others...trying to increase benefits through diet as well...beer still on the go but should be less.

Early start tomorrow as I need to drop some binoculars off at a school....then to the office...sort some stuff out...then to Sunnybank Park where I should see Grace pass with flying colours at Forest School..which will be a nice feeling...not just cos she is a volunteer...cos I think we both feel....had she been a few years younger....well...who knows...

Closer and closer to dad's anniversary...trying to decide if I want to go to Fife or leave them to "move on"...it is not stressing me but I know it is there...what to do?...think I might go down on the Saturday...then visit on the way back up..need to hire a car though...so I guess the money may come into it...spent a lot over the last 6 weeks....hhmmmm. Not even sure if the headstone is up or not...sure mum would have told me.

Positive and in control. Good.

Tara

Almost there!!

2012-01-08T08:27:00.002Z

Well..in an attempt to keep my pals relationship together...and the fact I would rather not do it!!....I am having help back in to give the bedroom a final paint. Once that is done and my new hoover..which I can now buy this morning...has been around the place...all that remains is the garden stuff to be burned...which should be next weekend..if the weather holds.

Then an electrician in to look at the fuse board..lights and smoke detector.

Almost where I wanted to be at this time.

Good.

A New Year

2012-01-02T08:12:00.002Z

Piffle!!

Not decorating today....that will be for Stuart...as I am off to the gym...and lunch with a friend....then I have to upgrade the phone....contract...nervy about these direct debits adding up...but again...if it prioritises quality of life over beer then all the better. This "fear" of direct debits and potential financial doom..I think they come from dad and a working class background...he always paid in cash and fretted about bills....I know there was a long time of struggle BUT there was a long time where there was not but he still did it. I think a spreadsheet will do the job.....so....deep breath..relax..and on you go.

Not a new attitude for a new year.....just a slightly modified one.

Tara

2012

2012-01-01T07:59:00.002Z

Here we are and happy new year!!!

This holiday has been far from that,....well...maybe...a good mix of resting and thinking and doing and drinking!!! With the help of a friend's partner the kitchen is almost done...the living room is....the hall is except a wee bitty causing a problem but we will get there...and then the bedroom....get rid of that blood red colour!!!..and the spare room?...stripped back with built in wardrobe destroyed...anything recyclable has been taken up to the office for use as planter covers...so a lot has been done...actually looking at that...quite a lot!! We are working on Monday to finish things off...fumes ahoy!!

So I have today to do nothing but potter about and tidy up....and the show tonight....just remembered that a few mins ago..could be doing without it but then...it is all about my music..and that's why I do it! Work on Monday in the flat then Tuesday off and back to work on Wednesday...boooooooo!!! Still have the garden waste to burn so hopefully we can get that done on Saturday.

Work is, as at today's date, only set until March this year...just the usual as usual.,....but there are moves to tie funding in to a 5 year project..which would be interesting and nice to have a base here and within the job as well...relaxing about the future for 5 years!! We shall see....whatever happens I do intend to strike a work life balance....having had the time to think I realised I had stopped doing long days and taking on extra work BUT I then realised I had simply crammed in those same extra things into a normal working day..putting pressure on me to complete more work with no extra time..what a div!!! So the plan is to be more realistic about it and to plan in order to do so. Lots of folk interested in volunteering but it takes a lot to put the show on the road....so need to get on top of that.

Also, had a look at personal life choices...what I invest my money in...too much in beer to be honest....and this will change....I am a member of the council gym system but I have decided to join...and indeed have...a very pricey gym. This is in order to increase the core strength and stamina for work and for me AND to look after myself/pamper myself....by using the pool, jacuzzi and steam room/sauna. Thursday and Friday will def be a jacuzzi day but the heat/massage will reduce the aches and pains I feel after a day out and about. I went in yesterday for a swim and jacuzzi....what a difference to have a shower and come out not feeling freezing..hurrah!!!! I did not take this on simply as a new year resolution...it has been a long time coming and I fully intend to keep it going. Anyway..it is very nice and I am sure lots of folk go as a kind of badge of social status,....but not for me!!!

As for personal life...well...saw the bells in in a bar with a friend....whisky in hand and a tear in the eye,.....raised a glass to dad.....the end of what can only be described as "traumatic" year...the illness..the death....the logistics....break ups and trauma...but there has also been good times in amongst that...but anyway....it was time to say goodbye to that year and I did. Dad wouldn't want us to linger over him in a negative way....so I intend to do that...move on in a positive way....and it may be more positive than could ever have been expected..but we shall see. I guess I just want a "normal" year...as normal as it gets for me....a boring year perhaps? I saw so many folks out last night...looking totally pissed off!!!?????..don't get it...if you are out...relax and enjoy...we did!

All pretty positive really....and I look forward to see what this year brings.

Money

2011-12-22T21:41:00.002Z

Well...things have moved on...and all for the better...as we approach Christmas.

I have now paid off my Stamp Duty...well...I think I have....I sent the last cheque a while ago...got "The Man" off my back.

I have also paid my Council Tax up until March 2012. Phew.

I have also had a number of cheques sent to me in respect of the Perth property. This leaves only 2 properties left to pay. One final letter before the Small Claims Court.

Money in equals money out as I am able to pay for help in the flat..and materials as well. My good friend Wendy has a new fella...hurrah!!...and he works bloody hard....double hurrah!!...so now I can move forward better....the living room is the biggest thing as I will be here for Christmas and want to "nest" over the festive period...the living room has been a complete bugger...but it is turning now...second coat tomorrow. Kitchen stripped back....ready for priming...and then painting...2012.....the hall is stripped back and has had one primer paint.....again 2012 for the rest...my room is full of stuff...but is ready for painting...on top of the red wallpaper!!!..2012...and the spare room has now had the built in wardrobe has been demolished and opened up the room...this means that...if I come to sell...the laser measuring thingy will take the room at its widest point...which will be bigger now...and still have a double bed with wardrobe in it. However...at this point...the place still looks a mess...but all the messy work has been done...all the painting to do really...and I hope Stuart can help..if not...just me!!!

Now....am I happy being here on my own at Christmas...you know...I am..I really think I need the time to chill and reflect...about dad...about the work...ANOTHER story!!!....about not having a family or partner....and I do not mean in a negative or depressed way...just let things wash over me...and enjoy being in control of my life, my health and my destiny. I do suspect I will be a bit maudlin at some point but I do not think it will last...I have bits and pieces of furniture to put together and set up the movie sound system...clear some stuff from the room....hurrah!!! I do think I will but myself some sort of games console...up to date....and start some serious fancy shooting!!!

Tara!!

Rock & Roll

2011-12-09T20:06:00.002Z

Well...sat in the flat...dressed for outdoors and feeling the cold!!! Storage heater is on and warming up....feeling a bit naff...is it man flu or is it fatigue.

Me and the boys hid at Lochinch yesterday...the weather was not as bad as had been expected BUT the wind was horrendous!!....so we made planters...finished off digging pits...cut stuff for storm kettles and painted dad's old tool box to be used as a window box..and today....2 different early years settings...lots of ground work to change into a learning area....frantic....actually...reading this....yip...definitely tired!!!

For a relaxing weekend?...well....need to get a move on and prep the flat for primer and paint!...so...sanding all weekend..although I have not put stuff away in preparation...so that will be half a day away....but you know...ime nae bothered....I need to sit down for a bit!!!! Up early tomorrow and plug away...I think I have managed to snaffle some more cd storage so need to pick them up...oh bother....it will be a late night tomorrow...but..with the walls and ceilings sorted...that will be the end of the messy bits...hopefully!

Last weekend was full on as well...down to Strathyre..to see the family and the bar....what a weekend!!!...was slightly teary on the way back....had forgotten how much I love them all and miss them so....was too long since the last visit...for a number of reasons...over a year...so..ace to be there...crap to be here...well..that feeling has faded and settled back into my home and my work. If I could...I would be there now....although my liver may not be so happy about it.

I have next week to plough through....possibly literally....and then off for a good 2 weeks...my goodness...I do need this time off...never mind the bloody teachers....I need it physically, mentally and emotionally....how will I feel on Christmas Day...single and with dad gone..?...not sure but however I feel I will let it roll over me and take it all...however...I do think there will be a lot of painting involved...and burning in the garden....with the help of Simon....busy as usual but I am determined to have the livingroom sorted for Christmas and hopefully the hall and kitchen...and then on to my blood red bedroom...grief...I cannot wait until that happens!!!!

Spare room will be last with the built in wardrobe dismantled but then need to find a stand alone wardrobe...never ends!!!!

Tara

In Addition

2011-11-28T08:24:00.002Z

When carrying out a search for this blog you will find a number of references in other...shall we say...less reputable websites....from my profile here I can see an increase in traffic source from unrelated countries....I know my life is so rock and roll and intersting but cannot see why they are coming in from there....some of the source addresses are very suspicious.

I suspect...although I have internet security....that some of these sources are taking information and putting them onto other sites. For example..I seem to be on "screwporn". I guess this is the danger of putting stuff out on the internet.

Tara

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

2011-11-28T08:12:00.002Z

My goodness...it is cold!!!...had to wear a hat overnight...upgrading my day time hat as I think I need a double layer.

Almost paid off the taxman..which is a great relief...once I am paid then I can finish off the last couple of a hundred....other financial issues...the flat in Perth...1 more cheque arrived and not expecting more....printing off the small claims information today...this will drag on for a while I think.

I went out on a Christmas event with CSO staff on Saturday....big thing for me....1st big social event for me in a long long time...1st without being in a relationship....and 1st time in the suit since dad's funeral. I went with the attitude of simply enjoying the evening...taking what I wanted from the evening and leaving when I had had enough. Was good to be chatting to folk...loud (crap) music meant my ears were ringing and not the best for chat...beer was pricey but if you go to the Hilton what are you supposed to expect? It was good. I enjoyed it. I left before midnight but didn't get up the road until much later....bloody public transport!!!

Been a bit fed up with the job as the "team" won that award apparently..pic to follow...I am all for playing the team game....no probs there...but I was the only one involved with the jail work...the only one who planned and delivered it...the only one who did 10 hour days while everyone else cruised along...fek!!!...but hey...we were the 1st up and we won!!!..so been looking around...realised though...it will pass and if it doesn't and the funding runs out...which is possible as it ends in March....and then I will go on redistribution...full pay...different job..and some time to find something else...perhaps a subconscious reaction to the recent change in personal circumstances?...anyway...I am staying...I am decorating over Christmas...and I will see what happens.

It seems the house is sold in Fife. I think this is good for mum as it must have been a financial strain to keep it going on no salary. In addition...and more importantly....emotionally....it must be a line drawn under this years terrible events. I am swithering whether to go along and see the house for the last time but I feel I had long enough to spend time in dad's presence and say my goodbyes to the house. I can see no positive outcome in dredging it up again.

I look forward to Christmas....I will be on my own...but I will be in my house....which should be liveable by then.....and then moving on to the new year.

Tara

Oh dear

2011-11-19T18:04:00.002Z

After all this property stuff I forgot about the Stamp Duty...bet dad would have reminded me...schoolboy error...paid £500...another £900 to go...will make it at the end of this month though...then back to saving..so that will be fine..should be able to get BT broadband again and also a tv..even better.

Been working on the flat today...covered in dust...me and everything in the flat....but the living room should be ready to be primed and painted after tomorrow..another dustmungouse day!!....and hopefully the hall as well....so the Christmas period should be comfy and out of the bedroom at least!!!!

Am the official reciptient...well..the ranger service is but it is my project...of the Glasgow Heralds Herald Society Award for Educatiuon Initiative...to do with the Bridges Project..proud of myself and all those partner agencies involved....but most of all for the guys that went through it. Well done everyone!!!!

Tara.

All Change

2011-11-09T21:22:00.002Z

Well...I must advise that my personal circumstances have changed...now...now...not the usual...and I have to be careful here because my love has not changed...and with that love comes respect..so...all I want to say is that we have decided that we cannot be together in these circumstances...and leave it at that.

Settling in to the house...wanting to push on with the decorating but I totally forgot about the Stamp Duty on the flat!!!...I have the tax man beating downmy door for £1,420.00!!!...which I don't have...unlike other taxes you do not get time to pay...must be in a oner!!..so I have poaid £500.00 and will pay as and when AND quickly...to pay it off...this is the priority now...decorating has to wait. So now I live in what looks like a crack house...although the garden is fine...so we will see when I pay off the debt...then bring in jimmer..it isn't that bad though...my home...my sanctuary!!

I have just finished a hard run of work...and am now making sure I chill and balance...not made easy by the worst case of beri beri I have ever experienced...must have been that Mac D's on Saturday...my God...the radio show on Sunday was very difficult!!! Made it though...but because I was working on Tuesday outdoors all day I went to the pharmacist...and that did the trick..jings...just as well...but what a day...lots of hard dirty work but went well...see what happens on Facebook...SURF Aberdeen : River Don Project...or something like that...everyone is on there...check it out¬!!!!!

My good good friend W seems to have found a loon that is good for her..an ENGLISHMAN no less!! I do wish her all the best!!

Looking ahead...a Christmas without dad...and without family...well..who would have thought..bless though...I would rather he wasn't in a hospice...how crap would that be.

Tara

Darkness

2011-10-27T07:18:00.002+01:00

Bleugh....guess I have to get used to dark morning for an early start....crap really....and today we are going native...we are going out on site with only a tarp for protection...so we shall see how the boys like it...he he...and I have forgotten my security password having not been there for a while...now...I put my code into my works phone and what has happened to my works phone?...that's right...it broke..I have a new one...after 4 weeks...but it is sitting in Marischal college waiting for pick up...that will be Monday..so just have to leave promptly this week.

The diary eases off over the next few weeks so hopefully that will mean catch up and recuperation.

Getting hit on all sides for bills..no one has coughed up their dough for Perth...so off to Small Claims Court I go I guess....Council Tax here has come through and I was going to pay in one go but then Stamp Duty came through for this property and that needs to be cleared..and I was hoping to have Jimmer back again soon but that might have to wait..boo...more paper strimming for me...hey ho. However, have been out strimming in the heavy rain so I can have time at C's...2 evening this week and the weekend...although want to freecycle this weekend...see what she thinks.

Well...better get off.

Tara

Back!!

2011-10-24T18:54:00.002+01:00

Back after a weekend away...picked up the hire car on Friday evening then over at C's then down to dunfermline to put flowers at dad's grave..phone call to dad's neighbour..then on to South Lanarkshire....phew...that was a long drive...arrived about 4 pm. Heavy night on Saturday with James..saw John on Sunday (originally was for Monday am but he managed to get back home) and his lovely lady..chatted for a good while...chilled out in the evening with James and Georgina..early bed as I decided to leave at the same time as them this morning...7am...and head up to Perth to look at the roof repair I have just paid for (no cheques here so will probably end up taking folks to court)..drove through rush hour on M73/M74..that was interesting!!!

Back to flat..kip...shower...then take car back...as I had overestimated the fuel consumption the lad gave me an "IOU" for fuel the next time I hire a car with them..which was nice of him...back to flat..tidy up...here at the office...filing away and checking mail..hopefully get back to flat soon and chill...busy at work for the week...and show on Sunday evening.

I am becoming fixated with Facebook...the SURF Project does not help...so I thought I would make an entry here.

Interesting to see the effects of the credit crunch.,..previously in Strathaven we have gone out and the streets were full of folk...the pubs were rammed...especially the real ale pub..but this was different...no one out on the streets and one pub was actually empty!!...where were all the youngsters?...we even got a seat at the bar at the real ale pub...never before in all my days...good for us...bad for the manager!! James decided to go for 3 x "mixed pakora platters"...I finished mine..he struggled with his...and later vommed in the morning...all good but a late night especially after the long drive south..worth it though. It has been a year and a half since I was there....this time last year I was supposed to go but Georgina broke her leg...then we rescheduled to February this year but then all that happened with Dad...and this time C couldss not go but had I left it until the next free time that would have been next year because there is no way I am travelling in the snow again...nooooooooooooooooo way!!

So I am back.

Had last week off but couldn't work on the flat for a few days as I was sick as a dog...over work..not looking after myself I suppose...floored for a few days...luckily Jimmer was there so he kept on stripping wallpaper and woodchip while I was on light duties sorting out tac return and final stuff from dad's house. When I was feeling better I was out in the garden hacking back and cutting up ready for drying so I can burn it in November...far too much to remove so burn it is..great fun. So the flat is stripped back and everyone needs to make sure they don't touch the walls or you end up with a fine residue of plaster...like a ghost!...all a bit unsettling but we will get there...I have money left over from this trip but a tax bill...stamp duty..which I forgot about..so Jimmer may need to wait for the next session...at least the garden is done although I need to strim some of the weight of the grass off. I guess I could leave it but it would bug me over the winter...under all that snow the heavy grass is hiding!!!

Family life continues apace as usual and I am trying to be there on a regular basis but with everything going on it is quite difficult...hopeful the number of "things to do" hanging over me is diminishing so I can be there some more...all positive though...although the usual strops are commonplace now...he he..guess I just need some ear plugs.

My new bloody works phone is apparently at HQ..that has taken a month to happen...loss of contact with clients. friends and family is a right annoyance but hopefully my sim card will still hold some information...gutted if not.

I am now sporting a full set of lambchops...and C likes it so it will stay..well...until I get sick of it...where once it was fiery red I now have a mix of red, brown and grey...ah well..comes to us all I suppose.

The main pic here was taken as I walked around the South Trail at Calderglen Country Park..the place where I went for my very first seasonal post...some of the things there I had forgotten about...they replaced the bridge when I was there because some ne'er do wells had actually prised it apart and set on fire...this was a big structure so required a lot of effort...but I had forgotten about some of the boardwalk and the horse shoe falls...so was nice to get around....as I approached the little bridge (the path is troubled with flooding from the rocks above) the beech leaves which had falled down looked like it was actually copper water flooding from above and flowing down the contours of the hill just like water..so I took a pic!!!

There is a reunion planned for my Uni course but it is the middle of November..considering I am just back and will be away to Glasgow mid week soon..I don't think I can go. On the one hand it is disappointing but..on the other...when these things happen..a lot of the time people are lost for words...uncomfortable silence as everyone has changed and moved on...maybe facebook will have changed this..who knows...but I don't think I can go. I am off to Glasgow as we have made the shortlist for the Herald Awards...sponsored by the Glasgow Herald no less...for the work I do here with the Community Service Order guys...excellent...I shall tell them this week..what an achievement if we win...and all good for the cause for me in extending my post and attaining a big van!!!

Tara for now.

ps...the spelling system does not let me add words...so I am aware there are some typos!!

Autumn Is Here!!!

2011-10-06T07:21:00.002+01:00

Although still warmish the leaves are coming down thick and fast here!! The spectre of ice and snow looms heavy overhead...at least dad won't have to worry about that as he always did and...even more important...have to struggle through it..which is a relief!

2nd CPD session for early years yesterday afternoon..this time at Kincorth Local Nature Reserve..last week at Hazelhead Park...such a change in early years staff....more nouse about them than before...less edginess about going outdoors..a result of the push by early years development team..it is great..although there are still many who do not want to do it but I suspect that will never change and I believe they should be accepted as such...you have those that excel indoors and those that excel outdoors...easy....teamwork and all that!!! Late finish again and not back until 8 pm...office...shopping...no point in struggling through traffic at that time....another way for me to put back into a process that helped me get out of where I was...supported me along where I went and has put me where I am today!!

Talking of which...CSO today...painting all day..the boys won't be happy...chopping and digging tomorrow...that will pep them up!!

The fiasco continues in Edinburgh....I have no idea what is going on and the Factor isn't talking to me or the letting agent...I suspect a bit of payback from the last time is at hand...fair dues...no need to worry bout matters I have no control over....HOWEVER...scaffolding has been reported in Perth so the job..it would seem..is on...hurrah!!!!..just in time for winter....now I only need to find the remaining funds to cover and then take everyone else who hasn't paid to court..which I will...but first I have to pay the fella....well worth it though...now for Glasgow....been paying £100 per month since this time last year into my account with the housing association...finally contacted the lass in charge of the fascia refurbishment..she had been off for a while so no updates by post...she advises the work has been completed recently and she thinks I am just short of the total amount due so I should be able to stop that standing order...and then divert to something else!!! So...coming together...Edinburgh roof will not be saved for as I am thinking the charge will be humungous...ah well...that will keep the tax man off my back!!

Here is scraping together small amounts...trying to do some work myself but had enough...when I came to the wood chip ceiling in the living room...that broke me!!..booked in Jimmer for a few days...the aim to do the fiddly bits and the ceiling...hopefully get to the primer stage....while I work on the garden....and then a few days away down in south lanarkshire..on my own as Caroline has the kids....all go and all good.

Tara

Morning

2011-09-27T07:23:00.004+01:00

What a way to wake up...hot shower in your own hoosey..Judas Priest on the stereo...and a day of office work ahead...he he....nice...oh..and a cup of black gold at hand!!!

Almost normal...weird feeling....last week was all about late days and long hours...and stripping wallpaper...not this week...well....still some paper to do in the livingroom ceiling then I think I will hand over to Jimmer to do the fiddly bits, remove the lining paper in the livingroom and then paint where he can...while I will be out in the garden...if the devil dog below leaves me alone....I will make sure I have my steelies on for that one....a sly sideways swipe should persuade the hound to bug someone somewhere else!!! Once that is done I should be able to relax into the winter in an up to date property..right now it looks like a crack house!!..no more Devil's Coachmen so far but I haven't really been in the spare room..so we shall see.

Last big thing hanging over my head is the tax return for last year but that should be simple enough....and prep the 6 months of this one I guess...but that will be done in October..of course....there is the roof in Edinburgh and Perth....Edinburgh all I can do is pay for it and hope the tenant does not move out...Perth is a right pain....the roofer is not returning my calls...he knows my numbers!!!!...if he doesn't turn up on the agreed date having put it off for ages I will have to pay back the few who had handed money over back in March and apologise...then hope nothing else happens.

Consulting done now and on with the work generated plus the usual crim work..all going well.

Tara

Take a break

2011-09-12T22:03:00.002+01:00

1st time really for a breather....well..did some filing...hoovered the flat after the last few sessions of wallpaper removal....and tidied the spare room...to make room for my bike...the wallpaper in the living room is bomb proof...difficult to remove..then the lining paper to come off...then sand and pollyfilla...then coat with lining paint...then paint...better be worth it in the end!!! The hall was steamy...angles meant that I was actually standing on the ladder with my head in the clouds!!! Met my flatmate as well...the steam must have driven him out....a Devils Coachman scurried through the flat and into the spare room......now..I work with murderer's, drug dealers, car thiefs, assaulters and steroid heads..but this thing scared the crap out of me!!!..when I was sorting the spare room today...I was expecting it to jump out....apparently...when threatened it curls it's abdomen up and squirts from 2 anal glands...check it out...this thing is awesome!!!

Anyway, the flat is drying out and I seem to have lost the fella...which is fine by me! Steamed a whole wall...then again with a scraper...only to find under the blood red wallpaper...there is blood red paint on the plaster board!!!..will leave it and use as lining paper!

So nice to come back to your own place...without much travel..trying not to "spread" myself when I don't need to...but I can see it happening...why not...been confined to one room for years...time to enjoy....just down the road from C as well...makes such a difference...nice to just walk up the road...chill...walk back down..less stress and time pressure....came back from the show yesterday....did not go to Chinese or chipper...will power or what?!!!

9/11..watch the full footage most of the day....feel it important to remember..difficult hearing poems about people you lost..more poignant this year...7 months today...bless...nice to see C's daughter fully versed in what happened and full of questions about it.....the young need to ask so it doesn't happen again...or at least....without complacency....a change between us I sense...and the loon..hope it continues.

Work calming down....although properties are a pain...not going into that now....finding time to work ahead as opposed to behind.....see how long that lasts!!!

Tara.

I am in!!!

2011-08-31T08:10:00.003+01:00

Well....I am in....well done and thanks to Jimmer. 3 trips to move everything including the furniture from Milltimber...goodness me that was tough going. We could have pushed it on Saturday except I had had enough and we had the van for the weekend...so why bother...bits and bobs coming through but that should be it. Was worried about money..as you do...but it seems to be fine....went overdrawn by a few pounds so will be charged but not a lot...still squirrelled a few hundred away...registered for leccy/gas...still to do Council Tax but that can wait a few days..getting used to having my own space....more than one room to live in...and the kitchen!!!..what to do with all those cupboards?!!!!..I have many empty cupboards!

Now I have come to the end of the consultation period (SURF Aberdeen)my evening work will finish (I hope). So I should be able to enjoy the place...I have a tax return to do and a Saturday CPD in September but that should be it...wallpaper stripper ahoy for me!!! And...of course...I should be able to spend time with the family...oh...and my garden which looks like it has not seen any attention in a long long time..Jimmer!!!!!

I am sure things will bubble to the surface and I had a fewe moments when I moved in...raised a glass to dad...well...bottle as I had no glasses at that time...but I feel fairly positive about things...I really feel he is here and looking over me..is this just a way to avoid grieving?...I don't think so...but we shall see if it hits me later on.

My priority now is to save money for Perth as it is going ahead in October so I will have to cover it first and take folk to court....2.5K at least....and then I need to save for Edinburgh which seems to be in real trouble on the roof...that is going to hurt...so perhaps no October break for us then...but at least we are safe and in houses...perhaps just enjoy it as it is now and see what happens in the future...?

I had a real panic last week as my external hard drive went missing on days I was doing CSO....I didn't want to believe one of my boys had gone into my rucksack while I was away from it and pinched it..although you do have to acknowledge the probability is higher...anyway...this hard drive has all sorts of personal pics and letters and adressess in it...so I rushed off to buy another for a back up...only to receive a call from one of the CSO Order Supervisors...she had something of mine which had been left on her desk..I looked!!...and it was mine...the cleaner must have tidied it away...phew...so...lessons learned...don't carry it when you don't have to....and believe in your techniques which means your boys wouldn't do that to you....ohew all around...now I have 3 500GB external hard drives....super backed up!!!

I had better get up and dressed...I am right in the heart of where I work so travelling time has beend reduced..in fact...I intend to walk to the depot where I intend to leave the vsn...especially in the coming winter months!!!

Tara.

Grassd

2011-08-27T08:19:00.002+01:00

Wondered why I smelled of grass when I have just had a shower and put on a new top?...put on my undershirt sports thing I was wearing yesterday when I was strimming grass!!!

Will keep short on this post just now...more to follow. Been very busy last few weeks with work and trying to sort out the flat, etc. I now have the keys..after a palaver!!!...and am ready to move in...well..ready to start to move in. Off just now in my van to pick up helper and then let the pain commence!!!

Settling down after all these years!! Well..that is the plan.

Tara.

OOyah!!

2011-08-16T23:04:00.002+01:00

OK,

I am going to have to keep this short as I have been up since 6 am and just back from a consulting session..if you can call it that....at 10.30.

As my pants are spinning in the washing machine I can now suss out what has been happening today.

L received a cheque last Thursday in settlement of the remainder of the Estate. I have a mail redicrection on so I waited and waited...not received it..had to call the solicitor today...as the monies are required for deposit and cheque...."oh, that's not right"..aye..well feckin sort it..electronic transfer...in and sorted.

Waiting for the loan offer to be approved....all very important as I am liable for any and all costs after the exchange date of the 26th....came in today!!!! Paperwork timing may be an issue as I am advised they require a signed form back to them before full releasing the funds. Tight.

However, that is 2 major issues sorted or on their way to being sorted. The situation is bizarre her at the lodgings..all sorts of shenanigans...hence even more important to sort out..right now I am sleeping in the loft as the decorator...yes...decorator is here for the week to paint, etc...the owner though no one was here!!!!..anyhoo...let's not dwell on it..it could be worse.

So, all the stuff I want form the house is in the garage and ready for moving...all the better now I am supposed to have somewhere to move it to!!! All the rest goes up for auction tomorrow...I couldn't go even if I wanted to but I wouldn't...all part of the process...let it go..Dad would have wanted that. Best not to expect much...which is why it is good it has gone to auction...the real value is in the memories not what people are going to pay for it...and all the really valuable stuff..in relation to memories...are in my possession!!!..since there has been no requests from the rest of the family.

I am too busy at work..really...even for me...but it will calm down after all this consultation..and I still have my tax return to do as well!!!...this weekend will be doing that but the weekend after will be moving...hire a van?....hhmmmm..not sure....and there is a possibility I may have the stuff the housemate is leaving behind!!!!

All good and all significant.

Tara.

Back on the map

2011-08-09T07:09:00.004+01:00

I officially hate my dongle and intend to take on broadband when I enter my new abode...let's hope...for many other reasons...it goes ahead!!!!

A busy week last week..down to Fife to see the grave..then to Crossford...then Carnock...then the grave..and down to Galashiels to see Louise...overnight and up early for Edinburgh....3 and a half hours later the paperwork was done!!!...then a very quick drive up the road to hand the hire car back in...lovely Zafira...vroom vroom...solicitors next day with a no show...fek!!!..off to library to print stuff off...back to house...auctioneers turned up to take stuff away...nice and quick so I wasn't faffing...then to office to fax printed stuff...and received an apology from the bloody solicitor!!!...back to house to pack...next day off to Glasgow for a break...back on Saturday...show on Sunday and back to work...phew....8 days of busyness but all good.

All is in place now...all I need is the mortgage...funds from the estate are almost all in and...when they are....I will have the deposit and the fees..just need to keep on top of the lender..and not hassle them too soon...today they have only has the docs for 4 working days...the 26th is the target though so keep calm and carry on!!!

Right...got to go and track down some lumberjacks!!!

Tara

Holidays!!!!

2011-07-30T07:18:00.003+01:00

So, first holidays since December 2010 if I am honest. Not quite sure How I have made it...well..I do know...but that is another post altogether....and now....I am off and away for a few days...down to Fife...visit dad's grave....then stay at Pitfirrane hotel for a night...see Ann next door...then to Galashiels on Sunday...overnight...then to Edinburgh to sign papers for a mortgage...then back to Aberdeen to hand the hire car back in. Tuesday is solicitor and auctioneer fellas. THEN a proper break!

Managed to get a really good deal on a flat...not the one I initially wanted...in the street I wanted. Was valued at 117K...why I have no idea!!!...so I went in at a cheeky offer of 104K...which the seller was "did not take well"..he he....they came back wanting 114K so I met them in the middle at 109K...final offer....trying to stay calm and keep working..I had to wait until 5.15 pm to find out I had been succesful...hurrah!!!..with an entry date of 26th August,...phew...just in time.

To live in one place that is mine is a funny feeling...been a long time...too long....since that was the case...I look forward to it...keeping my business head on though...always got to be focused...many things can happen between now and then. But....I am confident it will all be fine and then we can all get on with our lives.

So....a long trip ahead...I better get going!

Tara

Tick Tock

2011-07-24T19:48:00.002+01:00

How much can i write in 5 mins?...just before the show....well..this week is a biggy...booked a car for next weekend..down to Fife then Galashiels...then Edinburgh to my IFA...buying a flat!!!

Fife to see Ann and visit dad's grave...drop off some flowers. Looking forward to that...then..a few days in Glasgow with the missus...and inbetween...hopefully move dad's stuff to the auctioneers.

Before all of that..this week I have to hire a solicitor...put a bid in for a flat...if it is still on the market...if not...have the other one request a new home report..wait...then barter a price...and all to be agreed by Friday!!! If not...look for a room to rent and continue as above. Quite simple...it either comes together this week or we miss the deadline..try not to get stressed and press on regardless!!!

All positive..all good...and I think I know what I am doing.

Somewhere to stay...what a new concept!!

Oh..and do the consulting thingy..and CSO...and SHMU...talking of which...better go and get sorted.

Tara

Bleaagh

2011-07-21T07:04:00.002+01:00

Up early again...you know...I work myself up about these boys but then working outside with them actually makes me feel better..even though inbetween there are the bouts of threats and violence..hey ho..it seems to work though. Isolated up in Dyce today..digging a path out....sure they will enjoy that.

Well, I have been looking at places to buy to live in...yes...to live in....in the area I want to live in...where there are 2 flats for sale...I am pretty sure which I am going to go for but will go back this weekend and view again...seem quite calm about it all really...it is time for it...a long time coming....and dad has helped me do it...plus my Fife skills for saving money of course!!! Perth is still to be worked on and paid for...a new washing machine for Edinburgh...but all in all...all is fine...just a lot of money going in and out!!

Decided I need to put the stuff in the garage to auction...I have to move out of here by the end of August..I would prefer mid august as I suspect the landlord here will kick off when he sees the state of the place...and I simply do not have the time to go through it all again...the final sort has been done. I it goes to auction I have to let go of control of the process and also...more importantly...let go of dad....I feel it will be a wrench...but I also believe it is part of the process.

I have booked some annual leave!!! It is the first a/l since December last year and I intend to enjoy it...although some will be business...most will be visiting people and places....and a nice trip to Glasgow with.....?..well...that is for another post!!! I can hardly wait but have a few busy weeks ahead of me (as usual)..cars, hotels, trains all booked....woop woop!!! Do I need a rest or what!!

Tara

Busy busy

2011-07-12T07:13:00.002+01:00

you know...for someone with mild cfs/me I do seem to be quite busy!!! Early starts...late finishes....doing this and that....not resting...hhhmmmm....do I have the right to say it is still affecting me or should I just get on with it?

Anyhoo...last night was the 1st consultation session for SURF..swanning into the Town House..into Committee Room 1..the bigger one,.....and setting up....woop woop...or parp parp...depending on the mood I was in..all very new and exciting...and the group were really nice...Grampian Cycle Touring Club...excellent bunch...really interesting to see their views take shape on the map as they chatted..became very clear where their hopes and fears lay...and a few interesting points for opportunities as well...as for me...I think I did ok...bit rough around the edges and interjected a few too many times....not too bad for a first time...now to type up the report this am...chase for more meetings in the pm...chorus tonight....and extra one tomorrow night....plus I am going to try and facilitate a consultation session on air at the Woodside Show..oh dear oh dear!!!!

Tara

Electro!!!

2011-07-10T19:35:00.003+01:00

What a lovely weekend I have had...although I skipped my pre booked studio time for a pre record..but hey...priorities...ready for another show.

Busy week ahead...consulting on Monday pm...at the town house no less...then chorus on Tuesday pm...then an extra one at Colin's house on Wednesday!!!..then I will definitely be going through storage stuff at the weekend because it has to be moved soon!!

Had word from L that part of the estate monies have been posted....mixed emotions for that one..we are of the same mind...yay for the money...crap for the reason. Am sure my cheque will arrive at the office soon. More to come apparently but not sure how much. The reality of being close to buying somewhere to live is another milestone here.

More maneuvering to be done on the job front but will try to squeeze it all in.

Apparently I am off electro fishing on Tuesday...if I can find the time to nab my wellies from Lochinch tomorrow...all good fun...sorry...networking for the SURF project!!!

Needed this weekend "off". Dad would not have wanted me to be like this...not for him...and I won't be...holidays..I do need but will have to sort that out ASAP...along with everything else.

Time to rock the airwaves!!!

Tara

No Go

2011-07-05T07:10:00.003+01:00

Sitting here this am I am having to decide where to work today..St Nics or Lochinch....hands down Lochinch....I swear I was sitting in St Nics with no air movement and blazing sun through the windows....a rind of sweat permanently on my head....that can't be good for a body!!!...lots of e mails r.e. consulting....so today I will be up in the breezy office with the option of stepping outside fir some fresh air....and a fly kip if I so desire!!!!

Tonight will be the first time back to the Chorus since the competition. Pay my dues for my Polo Shirt and my CD of pics...then see how it goes. I do feel something that should be enjoyable and fit around my life...the singing is enjoyable...is, in fact, a lot of pressure to learn songs in a short space of time...too short for those working. I also feel those in charge seem to feel they can make you feel bad for it..I disagree...so we shall see....if it happens then decisions will have to be made..there will be other less stressful ways of being able to sing, I am sure.

Today will also be the day of e mails and telephone calls regarding the future...part self employed...part Council employee...and all that entails....so we shall see about that as well.

Trying to e bay is a swine!!!!..my dongle doesn't help...but the Council's tinternet is pants as well...see what it is like today anyway...I got some things to move. Tidied the room up and put all the pics in 1 box..still lots of memorabilia in boxes....will be sorting out this weekend...then prep for the collectors fair at the Hilton Tree Tops..need to find out about that as well....a quiet life?...never!!!

I need a break.

Tara

Forvie

2011-07-03T09:40:00.003+01:00

This seems to be working so I will continue!!!

Typing up at SHMU before show. The main pic at Forvie Nature Reserve I took because I had just come off the beach on he way back when the scene caught my eye..reminded me of Star Wars and C3PO with R2-D2 wandering along the desert in Tatooine. What is the pic in this blog...answers in the comments please.

A 6 day week starting with the consultation on Wednesday....8 am start through to 10 pm..phew...then all the usual jiggery pokery...and working yesterday as well...was really nice to do the sort of work I had originally intended for me when I left Norwich Union...taking groups out onto a wild site and showing them around....this time as input for an art project in Dyce with the primary school kids...it was sunny...yes....it was!!!...so tough on the bonce...had to put my hat on..but I really enjoyed it...brought into focus what I want to do...funding is important but the right funding is even more so...I have plans for the future and am starting to maneuver as we type..keep you posted.

The week felt so unproductive that, after dropping the boys off on Friday...I went back and strapped up the strimmer...strimmed until 7 pm...cut a path through a wild area up at Lochinch...felt really good...exercise....meditation...and a whole lot of grass related destruction...cut grass and petrol fumes...sweet heaven!!!!

This week I am not sure...I have to take a strimmer up as the boys broke one...piffle..have to prep for Dyce project at the nursery...there all month each Friday...follow up leads on consultation and do them....sort out storage stuff...as in what is going for sale and where...all of it is out of paid storage now...which was weird...they are no longer attached to dad and the house...they are in my possession and my responsibility...moving on with the grieving process I guess. As mentioned before...I need to do a bit of phoning around for the future.....so that will have to be done on the QT!!!!

I better go as I still need to do some EBaying...enjoy the pic...answers in comments please.

Tara

Wednesday Already

2011-06-29T07:27:00.003+01:00

Where does the time go?

Busy all weekend then show..then a long day on Monday...first consultation session I had organised...with Colin from Perth consultant...lots of folk attended and many more to engage with...finished at 9.30ish and I came back here by 10.30 after tidying up and stuff...then early up to Seaton Park for the fun day with Riverbank PS...then drop the kit off then the office...phew...lasted until 5 then went home.

Chilled here...called Michelle in Brissol..then looked at the paintings Simon had packed away...and he really did a good job as well...bless him...took me ages to get to the paintings...what to do...some just won't sell...some I am not too sure I want to as dad had put narratives on the back...and some I think will sell....money to Cancer Research?...anyhoo...that is for the future...I had pulled some pics of Michelle to send to her...but they are under a pile of something else so I need to dig them out!!!...luckily the room here is huge....as it is now storage for the personal stuff out of the other storage...now I need to move the big stuff in storage to the garage here...had started...stopped....sorted into trays and now ALL ready to come out...over the next few days I think...and I am bloody working on Saturday as well...hey ho...always the same...target...to have it all out by Sunday...get my deposit back...and the refund in storage rental...and then work on moving the stuff on from here.

Radio...office tidy....prep for tomorrow. Relatively easy day.

Tara

Type slowly...

2011-06-22T20:03:00.002+01:00

it would seem is the best way here...piffle...still have not shaken off the sniffles...went to bed at ten last night and woke at 6...then another full on day..as always...so chilling tonight...Australian rawk...Wolfmother...on dad's stereo...and some discounted Newcastle Brown Ale...hopefully these sniffles will clear as I have 2 days on the CSO...then an interesting day planned on Saturday..and then moving dad's stuff from storage to here...and then the show,....and then the event on Monday...my event...parp!!!...no rest..although some of it will be nice for me...looking ahead..July and August will be spent consulting and report writing...so no chance for time off until September...what a thought...cos by September I will be stressing about funding...poops....talk of Tullos and rangering there...but I don't know...just got to keep ducking and diving...which I am bloody good at I think...but it would be nice for some stability.

Mixed feelings about being ready to move stuff out....good to get it out and closer...less expense...£200 less outgoing a month...plus my deposit back..which is good...but...how can I put this....the stuff being in storage is the last link to dad's life...as it came about from his death..I was there when he lived...was there when he died...and made sure this all came up from home....now it will be totally separate from that....a different stage...it will be mine to deal with..for me...not him...get it?...bit strange. Aware of it and ready to deal with it. All the pics and stuff are here...in my room!!!...so if I move at some point all the stuff in the garage will have to go and what about the stuff in the room...storage will have to be sorted again...locker size is what we are aiming for I suspect.

It does not stop raining here...bloody summer and peeing it down for the last 2 days.

Polytunnel life tomorrow...with the boys..hurrah..not.

Tara

Been A While

2011-06-19T19:24:00.001+01:00

..since the last entry...blame it on the man flu...came on sudden and floored me Saturday/Sunday and then back to work and basically flaking out afterwards...my dongle on the lap top makes it less an attractive prospect to make an entry as it takes twice as long correcting the text..every time the bloody thing disconnects and then reconnects with the transmitter the fecking cursor dodges somewhere else..and then all hell breaks loose!!!

Spent all weekend sorting stuff in storage...it came to me in a flash of brain activity...I have a garage here....why not store the kit here and not have to pay for the other storage?...hurrah..or not...I have been moving, sorting, repacking into as high a stack of baker trays as I can..almost there...might have to snaffle some more trays..important thing is that I know what is there now...and where I might be able to move them to..although I do think there is going to be a fair amount I will not move...but what to do with them?...hmmmm...feels good to be reaching the end of this stage...on target as gave up chorus for June...so dad's stuff will be closer and easy to reach...tired of spending hours in semi darkness and having to wave my hands around like a baboon in order to make the lights come on...only thing is the garage is not as secure as the storage facility...but then...I am staying in a posh part of Aberdeen...any ne'er do well is more likely to go for the Ferrari next door rather than a scabby bunch of boxes in a garage...safety by surrounding myself with expensive decoys!!!!

It has taken a week to shake this man flu...hate it...hate not being on top form...but hopefully that is it.

Office work on a Monday/Tuesday is fine...but nice to get away from the smouldering heat and lack of air afterwards!!!...apparently my role is as an "outreach consultant" on this SURF project...glorified fixer and gofer I think!!!!..the experience in consultation session should put me in good stead for the future...along with all the other hats I seem to be wearing. No bloody coffee machine though...hey ho.

I have dabbled again in EBAY and seem to have sold some old metal t shirts..never the damaged justice tour t shirt OR the Grindcrusher long sleeved t shirt as it is the one the day before my hospital admittance for my back...so now I need some envelopes to post them...oh...and I am in a big office building tomorrow...good timing...unmanned post room as well!!!!

Tara

Old Bones

2011-06-10T06:51:00.002+01:00

Damn....we busted it big time yesterday...very proud of the boys....we had made planters from scratch over a few days stuck out at Hazelhead...then snaffled the tipper yesterday...delivered them to the school...after digging out top soil from a garden in Newmachar...hard hard work. 1st time we dug was all nice an sunny...next time was torrential rain...I wanted to stop but the boys kept going..and in good humour!!!..amazing...spoiled at the end by the janni but I have hopefully sorted that one out.

Chain Gang

2011-06-09T06:56:00.001+01:00

Long day ahead...CSO...we will be digging up earth..then the planters into schools....then hopefully a shower....then a pre record at SHMU...may be back by 10 pm...oh dear oh dear.

At least it is sunny...burn!!!!!

My head is like a neep already!!!

Tara

Proper caffiene

2011-06-08T07:15:00.003+01:00

I tell thee..i bought some decaff by mistake and thought..."ah well..it will be fine"...well it wisnae!!!..so i bought some proper job coffee which is having the desired effect..Simon will be having the benefit of the other type of coffee..he he...no cycling tonight...think ile go thru dad's paperwork with my postits...cso tomorrow and Friday with 2 hrs each day at SHMU....pre recording emergency shows for the future,....since the other were totally used up with dad, etc.

I expect to be tired at the weekend..but I will be cycling...then Fetterangus....then here and helping W do a food shop and then the show on Sunday..and some more time in the storage on Sunday...phew...then back to work..busy busy.

A pleasant evening with the ladies of St Swithins yesterday...hurrah!!!

Tara

Sleep

2011-06-07T22:14:00.002+01:00

I seemed to spend the day dozing inbetween work...waste of time in Dyce...see what happened there tomorrow...spent some time with W who is under police protection from her ex...good to see here...haven't for a while...nice to chat bout things...made me realise a lot about my situation...and nice for her as she seems to have a fella on the scene...good...good to get her out of the house...she doesn't leave on her own...good to see my chum.

I wonder if it is all catching me up....perhaps it is the office work...focusing on a screen for long periods of time...hey ho...maybe get on the bike tomorrow...we shall see.

Tara

Hammerhead

2011-06-06T21:38:00.005+01:00

Having battered the steel shaft on the bike..trying to get the end attachment off so I could put the new seat on..I gave up as I was destroying the thing...took it to the shop today....what the hell am I doing wrong?..use the bits from the old seat and take that off and then put that on there....thanks very much...would have been nice to know there was an option...when you get some kit you expect the challenge is to use that kit to get the result...bloody use the old stuff on the new seat...cha!!

Anyhoo..the padded seat is on...as is the mudguard....and my shorts await!!! Not tonight though...taking it easy....office....Dyce....for work...freecycling as well....then off to St Swithins for a CPD..then to Cults to pick up a tv/dvd combo....sleeping well but waking up early....time helps....but then up and away....best way to be I guess.

It would seem that the consultant is wanting me to do the consulting for him...which is fine by me as long as they know I am only on that job for 2 days a week..and I have never done it before...a learning curve indeed...and I may snaffle a digital dictaphone as well...if I play my cards right...but we shall see....a far cry from the job I gave up a job for....me stay true to the ideal or go with the flow?...stay here or go...no ties now....running away or finding the path I chose in the first place?..all an option....I think I will stay here for a bit and have some continuity in my life...that is what I am looking for I think...peace and rest....and some fun in life....not that there was not before...but you know what I mean...wait until the estate monies are in and then see what happens....a holiday is a definite!!

Next time on the bike is due to be Wednesday I think....CPD and paperwork is the name of the name of the game tomorrow.

Tara

Wolfmother on pop's stereo....rock!!!!...Cosmic Egg indeedy!!!

Run Up

2011-06-05T19:26:00.001+01:00

to the show is usually filled with texts and jokes....not so now...just have to get used to it I guess...poops!!!

Pic

2011-06-05T07:06:00.002+01:00

Oh...and the pic is from Llandudno....walking bacak down the Great Orme and the view is of the east beach...our hotelis closer to the hill...and the singing venue further along the shore front.Very much like Brighton...bit cheesy though...but all the fun of the fair.

Suspmenshion!!!!

2011-06-05T06:52:00.003+01:00

The bloody suspension on the bike may have looked good...and indeed have worked for someone a bit lighter....but nae good for me...the spring under the seat was squished as soon as I went on the damn thing!!!..well...I suppose it is a bench mark of sorts. It was fun...well...sort of....and flat....I think that I will not be cycling to and from home to the van for work...there is no way I can make it up the hill to the main road and then again up the next hill to the house. I think think the target is to be able to do the loop, quicker and stronger on higher gears...and see if the weight falls off.

To be honest, I think I would have been able to make it each way without a stop if it hadn't been for the excrutiating pain in the seating department!!! Oh my goodness me!!!...first it was sore then numb then numb sore..I had to get off the seat just to get the feeling back..which if course was sore!!!! After a brief soujourn in the house it was back into town to purchase a well padded seat and extremely well padded pair of shorts!!!..kevlar for the crotch!!!!

Am up early this am as I need to go and sort out the tax at the office. This is a return from 3 years ago which they lost...I put in figures as they told me all that time ago and they are now saying I shouldn't have...and charging me 3.5K for it plus interest even though it was their fault for losing the information. I do not trust them and am going to check first before I type this letter stating it has to be zeroe'd...it is me who will get into trouble if I should have put the figutres in!!!

Just deserts this morning. Ran out of coffee and used a housemates....it is putrid!!!! Still drink it though!!

After the tasx, some filing then to Newmachar to look at mud (yes, mud!!) then perhaps to storage and definitely to shops and then show. Nice to be wearing shorts again.

Good to be busy. When I stop I think and when I think I get down and upset. Best not.

Tara

Bonds That Tie

2011-06-04T21:21:00.002+01:00

When the dark clouds lift and you are blinking, not knowing where to turn...reach out from the dark...you will find what you are looking for.

What is this wonderous thing?...

2011-06-03T06:43:00.002+01:00

....that sits in the sky and throws forth rays of heat?...why are my arms red and my face all tingly?....blow me....I do believe it is the sun!!!! In Aberdeen, it burns and taunts us for a few months before we are plunged into the arctic winter.

Good to work in but I am covering up today so will be superduper hot....jings.....lots of water for me I think.

Longer post over the weekend..after the first bike ride after C2C!!!!

Tara

Coming Home

2011-06-01T06:37:00.002+01:00

Last bit of my kit....dad's stereo and stereo unit...is coming home today. Sure it is going to be uncomfortable retrieving it...Simon to the rescue...and embarrassing as well...the street looks on behind closed curtains...twitch twitch..but it has to be done and that will be that.

I have bought a push bike....went up and had a look at it last night....he he....they say you never forget....I was lucky I did not fall off...the thing looks like some magical space machine...with suspension front forks and a pump under the seat...was only when I hit a bump I realised it was a form of suspension....the whole back of the bike moved!!!!...and me with it!!!!...felt like the bike was collapsing!!!..so hope it goes well...now all I need to do is figure out how to change a tyre and I am set....luckily one of the guys here is a cycle courier so I see my friendship will need to be developed!!! 1st run is for tomorrow as moving stereo tonight.

Then I have to settle down to the storage work and reduce that. I think Sunday for that as I am "working" at SHMU in the evening. On the subject of SHMU...will have to do 2 pre records of the show...now I have the time to do it....just to keep the ladies happy at SHMU,....which reminds me....I need to sort some tunes out for that one today!!!

I never went to chorus yesterday... and it felt fine...taking a break for a month I think...lot of pressure actually...more than I expected...so much to learn in a short time....never reallised that...they should make that clear when you show interest. Anyhoo....will be nice to continue and hopefully my increasing health and fitness will help this as well.

Tara

Day Zero

2011-05-31T06:39:00.002+01:00

I guess it is going to be best for me if I see today as that.

Back from Chorus with 19th place out of 35...which I think is very good although some were expecting a higher jump from 21st out of 39 last year. Looking at the scores, however, you can see there is only 1% difference between 19th and 12th..so all to play for next year...which some of the guys are talking about already!!! Me?...I am taking a break for a bit...to have been focussed on that plus my dad's stuff plus my work has been extremely difficult to manage and (part of the explanation not an excuse) has played a huge part in recent events. Enjoyable...yes....back to practise tonight...no. Had a wobbly on the way back as everyone was calling their wives and partners...no one for me...not pity....just a bit disconcerting..back to reality..well...as it is now. Speaking to both Wendy and Michelle...both understand....say it will pass and tomorrow will be better...I know it but it doesn't make it any easier...same the world over isn't it?

Interesting feeling for me...Louise sent me an e mail syaing dad would not want the tasks he gave me to take over my world and affect it....unfortunately that has come too late BUT I also have to continue to do the job right now otherwise it will still be there in months to come...wonder how I will feel when I go back tonight or tomorrow...all my childhood still in that container.

It was interesting to be involved in a "team" activity..although I like being around folk...as a ranger...your tendancy is to be on your own or with small groups...hanging about with 40 fellas and their partners does not constitute this...was nice to be part of a group....the camaraderie....the team effort...nice to have some time away....I took the opportunity to speak to Brian's wife...friends of mine from other work...about my situation...nice to hear her perspective as someone who has been with same person for 30 odd years..and be honest about my part in the situation...I appreciated that...good Yorkshire fowk..changing in a big arena hall with everyone else around you was a culture shock..as was walking onto stage in front of about a thousand folk...pics on the website I believe. There was much merriment to be had as well...but I was not partaking as much as everyone else...the afterglow wnet on until about 3 am or 4 am for some....casualties on the bus!!! Southport for next year I believe...but I don't want to think about that just now....my bank balance is still reeling from this one!!..although the hotel package was ace...breakfast, bed and dinner....3 nights...about £180.00...excellent...although the place was definitely like Fawlty Towers!!!!..nice experience...nice people...back home now though.

SURF's up..apparently....meetings today..plus a bit of telephoning around...me and the consultant have given ourselves a seriously short time scale to organise a few events..one at the end of June...so there is a huge amount to do!!

Have been in communication with our overall boss about contracts and suchlike...he ahs come back saying it is all to do with the money...which we understood anyway...but it is a stress to know we need to be scrabbling around for the funds already...when looking to Next March...had a chat with Kevin regarding CSO and there are a few interesting things going on for the future..am I a Ranger now?...does my post resemble anything like one?...some woukld say no...and I am not sure if I would disagree with them. So, should I go with the flow and follow the money...if it still allows me to do a job I like?...athough not like I expected when I started on this path...stick to the current situation?...where I never know what ius happening year to year...and live with the stress from that...which has an impact on my private life?..the other option is a bit more extreme but one that has been running around my head for a while...why dn't I just find something else and leave Aberdeen?

Part of me thinks this is running away..and I can't do that anyway just now....same issues somewhere else...part of me thinks....I was happy in Strathyre...I liked going back to my flat in Edinburgh...all my old classmates are there....closer to other friends as well...I have friends here...my job is fine...but...it is not a place of hope and intrigue for me anymore....too many memories...too many negative times...wasted times I suppose...I might ask Kevin about the possibility of transferring to Edinburgh...see if the new proposed structure here...which is running there...might absorb me..network with the ranger service there....all this is rumination...but I have to think about it....can't wait for it to come to me...always good to be proactive.

It feels good to be able to talk to you again old friend...my blogspot....I missed you...even if it is that you listen without judgement and qestion to my ramblings...this is therapy in itself...letting it out...while being careful not to offend. I do hope I am never away as long as the last time.

The sun is shining..the virds are singing...life goes on and I am glad to be a part of it...even when it hurts.

Tara for now.

Competition Time

2011-05-27T05:52:00.002+01:00

Well, as you can see...there is a comment below about actions and reactions...since that comment I have corresponded with that person....I totally agree my actions were not the best and was going to write about it on the blog then decidied that it was not the most appropriate place to do so....I think I will leave it at that.

Up early and life goes on..competition time!!! What an exciting opportunity....off to Wales to sing at a Barbershop Convention...I do hope to have some time to myself and go for a walk...one of the guys at CSO comes from there and has said to ignore the trams and walk over the Orm to the west beach...which I might do. Anyhoo...a long drive (not for me!!) and a few hectic days then back home. Then.

Get myself together..take a month off chorus...go through dad's stuff at storage...cycling as well...settling down.

Tara

Here we go again

2011-05-22T09:37:00.004+01:00

Well, as promised....here is my new post. I guess the reason I have not been on for a long time is that some momentous events have been taking place...taking me away from my lap top and then not having a very reliable internet service as well.

What has been happening? Well:-

1. Dad being ill...up and down the road
2. Dad passing away...down the road...up and down clearing the house and putting into storage
3. Work and family life
4. Being dumped and kicked out
5 Made homeless by 4. and having to deal with that.

What a crap 5 months I am having but can only hope that this is it now. Pain and freed go hand in hand at this point in time and I am still trying to move the big stuff out of the house and keep calm and keep away from Caroline. I will discuss later!!!

Dad

My God...what happened there? A "virus" as the doctor stated..until he fell out of the bed as he was so emaciated and disorientated...then it was all guns blazing and into hospital...ime glad he is out of there....change over of staff...no one knows what the previous notes were so couldn't tell us anything....then moved from one ward to another for "investigation. Results started coming back saying cancer and we were to go to the hospital to have a meeting with the consultant...apparently well spread through dad...why did the GP not think about this?...but then by that time it was too late...over a period of 24 ours he rapidly declined and we were told to get to the hospital...one quick drive down the road and I made it...what a state!!!...it was clear he wasn't going to make it...even the night staff that came on were distraught..what a change....all I can say is I am glad I made it in time...even though the image will stay with me for the rest of my life.....I would not have had it any other way......the whole situation was intense...afterwards was just running around for certificates...arranging meetings..going through the mounds of paperwork for me and for mum..so much dross it was unbelievable...but you couldn't ignore anything as in amongst all of it was some precious documentation and personal stuff too....what a chore...but I did it against serious crap in the background..I did it for dad and for myself...to hell with what anyone else thinks!

From then on it was arranging vans of all sorts and storage to put all the stuff into. If it wasn't for the flexibility of work and help of friends and colleagues I would never have been able to do it..and of course...my now ex partner. 3 months of my life totally absorbed by the project...cos that is what it is...a fecking project and no less!! I always thought the worst thing about a death the emotional side of things...how naive....the logistics are the worst..I think the emotional side of things is sorted...he isn't here in body but definitely in spirit and beside me all the time..I wonder what he would make of the recent happenings...I am glad he is not here in body...he would be worried and very upset. Anyhoo...mum has the house....Louise has her stuff from the house and I have a huge storage room to work though...9 trays of books and vids and cds are already at Cancer Research...but still so much left behind!!!

...just back from doing a show,,,that was difficult..started off with some crappy slow songs as I had brought masel down with thinking too much...Michelle texted and told me to pick up beat songs....which I did...but then she said they were too loud!!!!...ah well...nice to have someone to tell you that. Miss my texts at the end of a show saying it was good...and going home...but hey...that is done now.

Managed to figure how to rip cds to my external hard drive rather than the pc hard drive...which means I can rip dad's cds and then put them to cancer research....which I have done today....ripped that is.

I am going to go now....what a week...I have an appointment at 8 am tomorrow then a consultant coming up from Perth for 2 days....hurrah!!!

Tara

Still here

2011-05-19T22:44:00.000+01:00

i am still here....so much has happened....more than some might know...will upddate as soon as I can.

Keep the faith

Home!!!

2011-02-02T07:24:00.002Z

Made it home after a "turn and burn" scenario. Up early to hand back the car and then off to meetings and radio show!!..phew.

I feel fine though. Feel good as I have done a lot at dad's and had a very nice drive in a very nice car..hurrah!!

Long day today and then all the way through to the weekend when the kids are away AND I am not working...double hurrah!!!

Tara for now.

Happy Wednesday

2011-01-26T21:29:00.002Z

My goodness....I feel trapped by the power of chat!!!...not many people can dominate me through the medium of chat but I have been trapped for an hour....or is it that I became desocialised?...not sure...the new landlord is an "individual" for sure...fair enough though...if it wasn't for the excessive battery of chat I would like him even more...head strong...confident in his own abilities...won't settle for second best...takes chances...travelled....enjoys life...does not suffer fools..sound familiar?

He he.

Settling in after a blip last week....tread carefully though...but seems fine...just came to me there the now...this is the 1st lodging where I have been staying with a couple!!!...interesting...new experience...for us all I suppose.

We seemed to have turned a corner with the kids back at the other home...my real home really....change in attitude from the lass and continuation of the same from the loon...all good...more stable between me and C...it is nice...still have a kind of jolt when returning to that environment...but still feels like it is where I should be. One of the things discussed at the blip was when I was moving in with C..this was my landlord!!!...so i had a think..then chatted to C..12 months too much....3 months too short....so..a review in 3...my gut instinct will be 6 months...what a thought though....what a change....what a journey....stability for the kids is the priority at the moment..they have been living in a state of flux for so long now...and then it settles...and then they are moving school close by home...which will not be easy...specially for the loon...hope he doesn't go down the route of kicking ass (although it may be the easiest way) for those that give him grief..all he has known thrown out the window..he is quiet but strong...so we keep things as they are...do not think me moving in would be good for them or me at this point...counselling finished but many things to settle for me and for us to build on as a team..couple...strong though..and hat is a good thing.

I won't let the memory of the last devastating relationship affect us.

Counseling finished and complete...strange to not be walking the streets to fill time before my appointment but very good as well...sorted my sports membership....ready to go...went to library to return/take out new cd's...and back here for entrapment!!!..he he..was fine...and still have time to pack, freecycle and blog...all good.

And back to family life tomorrow..although another weekend where i am working a day of it....well..an afternoon then on to the radio show...but still...almost feel I am not living up to me part of the bargain....C says it is alright but I am not comfortable with it...it is the job and it is important for the future..in fact..it has contributed to the future..our future...but still feel like a shite! What of the future...?..well...we shall find out soon enough...just keep on keeping on and wait for the word that will follow..quietly confident...but never rest until the letter hits the floor!

As for property..well...Edinburgh has cost me £250.00 in upgrading for the wiring....and Mr B is asking for an extra £400.00 for the Association and repairs to the roof....Glasgow will cost me roughly £300.00 for a new cooker and a direct debit for £100.00 until December this year for fascia repair and Perth is going to cost me £2.5 K for roof repairs...and then i have to take the rest of my b'stard neighbours to a small claims court to reclaim the monies...fun fun fun...oh...and assuming I secure the extension of my contract....I am trying to save £10 K of upgrades of a property I am hoping to purchase this December and then rent out....all go...still up for it....hope it is worthwhile when i come to retire!....bloody better!!!!

My life seems to be hectic and never stops...but...hey..all good....Sunday work then radio show then pick up hire car at 8 am on Monday and then down to Fife to check on dad...see what is happening down there...stopping off at Sheriff Court in Perth on the way...the back Tuesday...missing 2 important rehearsals!!!..then back to Radio on Wednesday and work....hey ho....will be tired...C knows this....but a hug and I am fine.

Tara for now.

S

Happy New Year

2011-01-12T07:36:00.002Z

...and to celebrate, Aberdeen has decided to rain down on me!!

Suppose it is better than the snow, it has to be said. Especially as I have a walk tomorrow...it will remove what is left of the ice on some of the paths....I hope!!

Well..all back to normal now..as normal as can be that is...work, chorus and counselling..although that will finish soon enough....freeing up some time to go and do some exercise hopefully....there was a full lot of chorus last night...bit too much messing about for me...a bit of banter is fine...but 2 mins of joking and fecking about prior to a run through,.....which was invariably wrong...does add up the time...dear me....a long way to go before we can compete properly I think...hey ho....it does need to be fun though....I am enjoying it although not knowing the words can be a pain in the backside...more for my fellow bass section than me....but they are all helpful and i am sure...once I am on the full distribution list...i will receive the relevant documentation...ha ha...i must admit I have probably lost or deleted a few docs as well!!!....must stop doing that.

Strange time at work as we enter the last 3 months of my contract..although we are fairly sure a senior manager is going to initiate executive powers to extend as we have the money...but we do not know for sure...so I cannot commit to anything past March and cannot take anything new on but still have to shake and make things to keep the momentum going...kind of.....pretend everything is going to be alright when I am not sure it is...been here before but in a much stronger position..as mentioned before...if this goes ahead that will be me over the 2 years so they cannot get rid of me (that easily)!!

We have a councillors visit today at Lochinch...our office....so they can see where Aberdeen FC are looking to build their stadium...hoping to shock them into saying...goodness gracious...we cannot have this...to hell with the millions generated within Aberdeen businesses and our back handers!!...like that is going to happen...obviously...I was joking about the backhanders....but there is so much political pressure...the guy is Stewart Milne for goodness sake!!!...I can't see it not happening.....but then..where will we..as a service...be in a few years time?

Settled into my new digs and seems to be fine. Hope this will be the last move before buying...which...of course...i can't say until the news about the job comes through...hey ho!!

Tara

Nice

2010-12-25T18:48:00.003Z

Well,

Back from the big family day...bigger than anyone expected I think...C's dad's partner's son brought his girlfriend and her brother..so an extra 3 mouths to feed...lots of mouths...but nice too...plenty of food..all were fed...I am still full...turned down some chocolate just now as well...just shows you.

I have received a lot of stuff...more than I ever expected.....really nice....nice day here and there and back here again..chilling...and time with C tomorrow after we drop the kids off at their dads.

I look back to the past year and see so much has happened...so many ups and downs and revelations and work to do and happiness and sadness and travelling and seeing folks...what a lucky life I have...shall next year be the same or more steady?..steady I hope as there has been a lot of things worked through, discussed, dissected and resolved plus work changes after the 2 years so hopefully that will be another element of stability.

All good.

Tara

Merry Christmas

2010-12-25T10:40:00.002Z

It is now 10.40 am and all is quiet..or should I say...the noise has moved upstairs....up at 5.30 am this morning and putting out stockings....pressies opened up an hour later...paper put away though...but all sorts of goodies lying about...Pink playing upstairs and the kids playing WWF 2011...C down here looking at the new lap top (ids decidedly unexcited about it...the bams!!!)..I am on mine and doing this....Ry Davies on the hi fi down here....all very nice but strange as well....first ever Christmas where I am the parental figure...seems fine...but have already napped a few times..now planning the expedition to C's dad's (11 people for lunch!!!!) and then back here...in the evening...so lots of people and chat....see how that goes...but I am NOT playing charades....Boxing Day sees us taking the kids to their dad's at 11 am to be returned on Monday at 11 am....a day to ourselves..champagne chilled and ready to go....Stella ready to go...and all sorts of other boozy stuff as well...all very nice though.

Checked my bank accounts and looking good for the December 2011 target of £10K...probably more than that if I am honest..although the Perth property requires some repair the other property owners have not fronted up money for.....so I will have to pay the £2.5K and then take them to court to recoup the money...hey ho...I have it and will spend it but I will be damned if I don't get that money back...disappointed but it has to be done....a reminder letter first though...ok...better go and get ready for the ff.

Merry Christmas to one and all!!

Tara.

And Another..

2010-12-03T07:17:00.002Z

of me!!!!

BBBRRRRRRR

2010-12-03T07:12:00.003Z

This is what someone had made ina one of the Council's public parks...ace isn't it. My colleague Ruth went inside but i didn't dare. imagine if it was me that was responsible for knocking it down....have to leave town!!!

Damn This Snow

2010-11-30T22:47:00.002Z

...damn and blast it to hell...to a melting watery grave!!!

An interesting point here...for me that is...my Friday bunch of ne'er do wells have taught me skills in getting out of snow and mud...using techniques they learned and developed whilst nicking vehicles!!!...I have to laugh..had they not shown me...to get us out of being stuck due to my crap driving...I would not know how to!!

I must also admit to having a mischievous grin on my face when I try a wee skid or doughnut!!!...damn those boys have taught me well!!!

Seriously though...this snow is intense...I am back here at my second (single) home and the snow is coming down...came back tonight expecting my audition to go ahead tonight but it has been rescheduled until next week..hurrah and boo...not sure if i will get out tomorrow but if not i have my lap top here to do ALL my office admin work...but do not wish to miss my show on SHMU or miss working with Alec..but hey..I am not going to crash to prove a point..and there is a pub here!!!

Well, C and I drove south last year a few weeks into December and the snow was awful...vowed never to do it again..so....after the jail project finished a few weeks earlier than last year...i left (on my own this time) for Strathyre...lovely time with Steve, Jill and the rest...then over to Edinburgh to meet the Godmother...then back up to Aberdeen..just as the snow came in...and from that point on it has been white white white..now it is a bit boring...but as stated above...i seem to have developed the skills to get around.

That was a good day but a hard day's driving...Strathyre to Edinburgh..major leg ache...then Edinburgh to Aberdeen...a lot of miles and a lot of metal on the cd!!..but it was nice...when i was a seasonal at Loch Lomond...a full time ranger said to me...enjoy it while you can before you get settled...i wouldn't go that far..but I do miss the movement...the unexpectedness of it all..the feeling of movement and cramming as many experiences into a short space of time...seeing places and people all at the once...love it...and I had a lovely time.

Now back and working..although had to cancel tree planting with a nursery group tomorrow..the snow is approximately as deep as the nursery group...and I can't find my saplings stored at the office in the snow!!!...which is nice.

Matters are a wee bit more formalised and positive than the last time I was in the position of the contract ending....too much to mention...all that is to say...if they extend past March 2011 then i am in for over 24 months and they must source funding or provide themselves if not....woop woop!!!

Jail project finished last week and I was very proud to be there and present their John Muir Awards...a very focused 2 groups I must say...although some young bucks were fecking about on the day..and i suspect a large amount of heavy petting was a way of passing material back into the jail...eve though they knew they would be strip searched after they left the room...I hope they did not as it would result in extra months..we shall see....be back in to finish the composter and then both that and the planter are to go to a nursery ASAP..if we can get through the snow that is.

Family life continues apace and all seems to be going well..as well as it can with an 11 and 13 year old...we shall see..I spend more time there than I do here...which is why i am moving out.....or in...depending on how you look at it...as i am moving to town...a nice part..where the rent is significantly less than here..which will help me save for a deposit for a property in Aberdeen....this time next year...we shall see....but it makes sense to pay less for not being somewhere most of the time.

All good though.

Tara for now.

Bleaurghhhhh

2010-11-04T07:23:00.002Z

..look at the time...ready to go..well..almost...another day in the jail...weather seems to be holding so should be able to work outside..hurrah!!....well..I mean outside on the inside if you see what I mean...up earlier tomorrow...need to be at the bus stop for 6.45am in order to get to Aberdeen by 8...very very important meeting with the CS..all to do with funding..critical for moving on....then off to pick up the hire car..hurrah!!

anyhoo..better gan awa.

Tara

Just to be fair...

2010-11-02T08:37:00.004Z

...here are both L and C's pumpkins!!!

Bless em, they told us there would be guisers and there was!!

Long Road Indeed

2010-11-02T08:09:00.002Z

Well,

How are things going with one and all?

For me, it seems like a distinct new road in my life but with the same person as before...oh...and 2 kids and a Bengal cat (me no likey!!). As always, i do have a high propensity for messing things up but there does seem to be a significant change in awareness both for me and C as to how we are as individuals and as a couple.

A new approach with the children and different "visiting times" when I am more relaxed and fresh seem to be working this time. Now...prepare yourself...last weekend...I shared a joke with teenage quine!!!!!..unbelievable!!! we shall see how that goes but looking good and a sound base to move forward on. Instead of the git that came i and barked at them to do this and that and therefore should be hated, etc...I am just another loon on the block and subject to the mood swings of a teenager...all fairly normal and not specific to me. In fact, it is more C that loses her temper....he he.

As for C..she has progressed so much since i met her. It is now C, not me, that is moving matters on with her ex idiot (not that I class masel as the current idiot!) and applied to the child support agency as he has not really paid any money..this was a tense time but C was amazing..she is the one that is pushing, I am simply supporting. Apparently it is all her fault and blah blah blah..I was on the phone to dad last nite and we were chatting about it...quite rightly..he recalled when mum left..he didn't even flinch when money came into it...this was sorted out straight away and with no quibble..."he has an obligation to look after his children"...a proper man, indeed.

And me?..well...I have been seeing someone in an attempt to unlock memories and emotions in order to be a better person for masel and for my partner/kids. It has been and will continue to be a difficult process but one that is paying dividends on all fronts.

As for work....here we go again...funding and the resource committee..we have funding for 2 days on the table from SURF...and we currently have 1 from Community Service Order..we are hoping to increase this to 2 days which will actually fund for 3 days of my post....clear?..he he..CSO are havering but i think that is because they are not keen in dealing with Ian..so I have a meeting with them on Friday am prior to my boys going out and about...i need to clinch it there and then and have the wheels in motion..no pressure then. Once this has all been confirmed we then move to the process of having the resource committee authorising it...in this day of cuts and the like...a fully externally funded post which brings in all sorts of benefits should go through.,....but this committee are not the best or common sense!!! We shall see what happens. The SURF (Sustainable URban Fringe development) looks interesting..a move away from my usual activities while still retaining some...lots more meet and greets and then some liaising with land owners and contractors..interesting and a bit higher level than before.

Outside work, I have a family life...can you believe it....and also trying out for a barbershop chorus..although I seem to find it difficult to find the time to learn my words or listen/sing to my cd's...only seem to manage 45 mins before my Sunday show...in the studio...hhhmmm...my voice is not going to make it i think..but I will try and see how it goes...you can but try...it is fun and the guys are nice as well..very supportive.

Hey ho...off to work I go.

Tara.

Still Here

2010-10-21T07:18:00.002+01:00

Hey there,

Just to say I am still here and still working away.

The past few months have been full of ups and downs and revelations and consideration of the past and how it affects the present and all sorts of oher things.

One of these is a seismic shift in understanding what family is about and the very ones who accepted me as family were the ones I thought were rejecting me now. C and I have had some major talks and listening sessions and felt that there was a way forward (taking into account previously mentioned) and we also put it to the children what they wanted to happen.

The result being we are together again but almost different if you see what I mean. new approaches from both of us and different periods of time per week spent with the family. It seems to be working...and we are working on it...so fingers crossed.

Right, better go and get ready for the jail..working outside on the inside on a day like this is not good..how to motivate my con participants it is all good fun?...bbbbbbbbrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Tara
SB

Freedom and the Pain

2010-09-19T19:11:00.002+01:00

Well,

This is possibly the most difficult post i have ever done. C and I have finished today. After a year of ups, downs, challenges and joy it has finally broke down.

The significant event was fuelled by extreme fatigue and lack of control. No excuses just explanations...did not behave as I should have really...and that I will always be sorry for. However, there were always the same issues in the back ground and it seemed doomed from then on.

I think it is difficult for anyone who does not suffer from ME or CFS to understand how bone deep the fatigue goes, it grinds away at your life force, it depresses you, it makes every movement a trial. It makes you world go grey. I have to admit, I was responsible for this lack of responsible behaviour to look after myself. However, I thought it was what was needed (over compensating?) to make things right. Working through illness and fatigue to make things happen and only making it worse. When I tried to explain this I was told i was wallowing in self pity..for all those CFS/ME sufferers, have you heard this before? I guess she was angry and I can't blame her for that. Maybe one day she shall know what it is like..I hope not.

As I say, my behaviour was not really acceptable and an over reaction to being pinged right in the nose wrought havoc and an end to our relationship. This was in no way her fault but mine. I would say that with fatigue comes a reduction in control measures but that doesn't really say it all.

Working hard for me...working hard on properties (sometimes I wonder of it all worth it to be honest) and paying money out left right and centre...working hard for her and the family...constant feeling of being disliked by he kids...who can blame them really...hard for them but the right thing for her to do..all pants really.

I know it can't work but I miss the texts from my pal...the person I spent the last 12 months working with, laughing with and crying with. Hard to look at the pics from those times as I remember the feelings at that time.

I am sure the pain will pass in time and I hope it does for her to. Plenty for me to think about moving on but right now it just isn't fun...and on my birthday as well..good timing Mr Bly...stop looking at the phone...there will be no more texts!!!...but I wish there would be...but I know it is best there isn't...but i wish there was....bother....what a bag of pants!!!!

Tara

Winter Approaches

2010-09-13T06:45:00.002+01:00

Hey hey,

Just noticed it has been a long time since my last post. As usual, I have been pretty busy with work..yes....had to do some weekend work over he past month but it has stopped now...family lie as well..with all its trials and tribulations.

When I have not been work working I have been garen working...blimey.....the front garden is now finished..it took me and Jimmer a full 2 days to strip it back to the way C wanted it and then another day of frantic driving about (surreptitious tipper truck tipping during the week)..shovelling on and shovelling off...with wood chip to complete..plus a bit of painting as well. All done and all happy it would seem. also, the problem with the kids running through the front has been resolved..the work done to the low fencing and garden gives the place a more "looked after" vibe.

Another factor is that the tree squad...when i was trying to sneak in with a tipper of wood chip....came along and trimmed the lower branches of the trees at the back...we were worried the kids would think that was down to us..which I think it may have been...but there has been no trouble.

The search for funding has started again..actually...we have been trying to chivvy along the relevant parties for a while now...so we shall see what happens....2 days CSO....plus the remainder coming from SURF fund...whatever that is...will change where I focus my work on but hopefully not too much as my main work is in the north anyway. SURF have a lot of unallocated funds and are looking for projects to spend it on...so here's hoping.

I am about to leave for Forest School in Powys. These kids are never dressed appropriately and we have been lucky so far but I think it is about to run out. Cold, dark, windy and wet is the order of the day and I have a stinking cold..poo.

Well....i know it has been a short entry but I got to go.

tara.

2010-08-17T20:52:00.000+01:00

How do I get past them?...

2010-08-17T20:08:00.005+01:00

Found this main pic on my USB...when I was at LLTNP on the West Highland Way..bloody blog cuts it all off really....remember the scene with Yosemite Sam and Bugs Bunny when BB managed to trick YS into a room of lions and he had to tip toe through?...well..I had to do that with a bunch of very large (when up close) coos....wading softly through ice, snow, water and slurry....great fun!!!! Ah..those were the days!!

Well, what has been happening?...a journey for me.....both physically and emotionally..a new phase begins I think...demons put to rest...well..some of them...and a more focused approach on the future. I ended up back at the Edinburgh on the second week of my annual leave...really to walk around and take it all in BUT I found my flat to be in a poor state....and still having folk view it as well!!!...the guy has moved out (and still paying) but the chaps at LJ's were still viewing the flat with TV cables all over the shop..stains on the sofa...ripped sofa....old bed clothes on the bed....cooker still wasted after cleaning....new heaters looking tardy...all contributing to a general feeling of not being looked after...no wonder there was no takers...anyway....kicked them up the back side and need to chase (tomorrow I think!!)..and broke up a large table and set of chairs...he he....midnight placement in the local bins!!!

And that cheeky bugger still leaving his motor bike in my space....retribution will be mine and served swift ya bam!!!!!!

I also went walk abouts all over Edinburgh...went out to Portobello to look at a "live" exhibition...which the bloody blog seems to have put up there!!!..anyway....puggy machines with batteries...to make the lights work...on a beach...looking like those NZ monoliths on Easter Island....was crazy to see but rally good...started to think what they have been through to finally end up here.....who signed the safety forms on the back?...who had been beaten up against?..who had made love against?...all that.....was really good to see...bu not as much as it could have been...my love and life was not there!!!

Edinburgh has changed so much..really...all for the good I think as well...was good to see it but sad as I had no place there...my place...it was obvious....was back in Aberdeen...who would have thought it!!!!

So I came back on a much more pleasant journey than on the way down in more ways than one..spent the weekend with C and the kid...wen north to Macduff and sea world..was great...to get out of Aberdeen...to see the fishies...and to spend time with the missus and the kids...great.

Work continues apace but this term I am trying to manage it so I do not over work maself..and so far it has worked...Forest School then Bridges....and not a lot in between..although I suspect there will be a lot of NHS work to do since the Graphics guy had his butt booted..well..i think he did anyway.

At the weekend I try and make sure time is spent with the missus and the kids if they are around..it makes going to the studio a bit difficult for me as I want to stay but, just as C is a major part of my life, so is music and the show...up to 4 hours now....2 on a Sunday....1 on a Wednesday which is repeated on Monday now...hurrah!!!! I love it, and it is good for me.

I am also going to the sauna and steam room at least once a week...2 meditate and medicate. My knees have always given me gip since volunteering and having a few accidents...but my back is killing me.....i searched on the internet and it seems all those who had the same operation as me on my back suffer the same...well..actually..they seem worse....really bad...."flat back" and pain all the time...I think all my aches are connected but also that I am lucky the size of the rod is such...and the op was so big.....that I don't have the hunch and am "propped up" anyway....the deep heat helps recuperation and circulation. From what I have read, the reversal op is not an option...recovery time would mean my career is over...and there is no guarantee of success...waking...heat...and losing weight seems to be the key. Quite a thing...to realise that the ache you always thought/hoped had nothing to do with the surgery was indeed a result of it and thousands of people around the world are suffering the same/worse than you...inescapable...at first depressing but not now..keep doing what I am doing and see how it goes.

One of the things I did when in Edinburgh was to travel to the hospital but I should have known it was never going to be there..it looked half shut the last time i was driving by.....and the new Infirmary had been operational for a few years. It had all been developed into some nice houses and some strange looking apartments....I could feel it though....the way I did walking up the driveway...damn...took some pics...I knew where the entrance used to be...surprised no one contacted the fuzz as I looked so out of place...and then I left...no place there anymore...but it was good...kind of saying goodbye.

...and so back here....where I belong it seems....and back to funding issues...were is the money...?...what if it doesn't turn up?..what then?...well...I don't want to leave here so that makes it a lot simpler..all I have to do is make decisions based on that.

And on that note....tara.

Nae Towels!!!

2010-08-01T10:57:00.002+01:00

Wish my land lady would sort the heating out...she says it is some fault with the thermostat but i think she just doesn't want us to use up the energy!!!!...upshot is that ALL my towels are now outside at the mercy of Aberdeen weather...which means they will stay wet for the rest of the day...one of them smells as well....nice..and I need one for my holidays!!!

Hurrah!!!...whoah...stop...just had a look outside to see a sheet of water coming down...so...I shall commandeer one from the laundry cupboard...off on hols!!!!

For a number of reasons i think this has come at the right time...although I do love Aberdeen very much it is only when you are away from it do you see how grey it is...due to the granite...and very industrial...it is a weird set up....with the port right in amongst the city offices...God only knows what it was like back in the day.

I saw some footage of Edinburgh this week and it seemed to get me...don't know why...but I feel like I want to go back and intend to do lots of walking around (and cd buying!!!)...so that is what I shall do.....walk..buy cd's and consume some beer!!!

This week I have been dealing with a number of things but have found time to go walking, swimming and a few sessions in the steam room..which has been good as it has loosened up my back and knees ad have been pain free now for 3 days...which is amazing....I need to make sure I get out and about or make time to sauna it...always make excuses when I am working....an excuse not to sit in a steam room/sauna and allow the heat to work its magic on my ligaments and tendons...fool!!!! I am sure the problems with my knees come from all that cycling when I was superduper heavy....grinding away those miles...but hey...hindsight is an amazing thing is it not?...my back is not going to get any better..just hope it doesn't get any worse..again...exercise and steam action should be good enough.

Anyhoo....just checked my ticket and the seat is booked for a slightly later train...brilliant....as I need to travel from the north of the city to the centre before I get to the train...so that helps. I will be staying at the flat to check the work that has been completed...and see if the guy managed to move on the huge dining room table and chairs!!!!..so will be cost free, close to public transport....with my lap top so I can play tunes!!

Then back to work....haven't even looked at my diary and I don't intend to either!!!!

Catch you on my return.

Tara

Almost a month

2010-07-21T07:13:00.002+01:00

Hey hey,

Knew it had been a while but not almost a full month!!! As usual, matters here have been hectic with a lot of work going on and a lot of toing and froing. Some good and some not so good but glad to say all seems to be settled now.

My landlady was away for a fortnight so I had the place to myself..hurrah!!! Clean and quiet and no dogs...as much as I love them they do create a bit of a mess..especially when moulting. They ALL came back yesterday..change 2 tenants for 1...and the bathroom I had cleaned (again!!) for heir return had 2 big black hairy dogs in it,having their coats shampooed...hurrah indeed. Good to have folks back though as the house is way too big for just 1 person. i can see why the land lady wanted lodgers..way too big for her and the pooches.

C continues to have trouble at the new home...guess it is settling in issues..or more to the point...settling in away from Dyce and in the area she is...not a bad area in itself but surrounded by the areas and communities I work in..challenging...i feel the kids find it hard as well....so we shall have to chat with them and come up with some ideas/solutions.

Always the new age man, I sewed 2 pairs of my troos last night. I put 1 on this morning to find I had sewn some of the leg into the crotch area...it still works and I can still walk so I am going to leave it just now....he he...tube!!!!

I have 2 weeks coming up after this 1...can't believe it...2 weeks of annual leave freely taken and in the mile of a busy period...well...i am never really not busy but, you know what I mean...what to do? Think C and I are going away to Strathyre...although i think I left it a bit late to organise for a room...and some away days with the children..which should be fun. definitely a change in C's daughter...a lot of work and commitment gone into that situation by C and I...although i think the rest of the family also have bee having a few words..not sure though...so we shall see how that goes.

2 weeks off!!!!!!!!!

One piece of work related news...as part of my CSO work we are working at a nursery in the Deen. A big project with a lot at stake..a lot of work involved to bring it up to standard for outdoor learning....Kenny MacAskill...Scotland's Justice Minister came up to the north east to see all things criminal orientated..including the female wing at Craigie being re opened!!...anyhoo...my project was suggested annd along he came...what a bizarre experience..a media circus with all the press and STV news and his private secretary and their representative and all and bloody sundry...all I wanted to do was get the job done. So here I am, a country boy from Fife on his second career chatting the the Man whilst photo's are taken and directions given...just walk towards us and chat naturally..I would chat naturally if you would stop telling me to do so ya bams!!....he he...anyhoo..it went fine and I chatted to him for a good wee while...very interesting but very nice when they all went away and left us to get on with the job!!! Catch it on STV News website...Grampian...videos....go to 13/07/2010 and see me half way through..basking in the sunshine and advertising Canterbury of New Zealand kit as well...they should pay me.

Tara

Update

2010-06-26T07:53:00.003+01:00

Just a quick update so everyone doesn't worry.

I am off to pick up some kit in a bit....helping SHMU move their kit to Hilton Gala and then off to middlefield to help them on their family fun day. then back to take down SHMU kit and then off to C's for the night and tomorrow then show with a volunteer and then home and then work again!!

He he. Just the beginning.

So all is fine and busy. Work is fine and varied as usual...just finished my 1st CSO worker...the bugger was given the choice to work or not work and we can write off his 5 hours....damn...thiught he would have stayed but he left. I could sense he was was i 2 minds...and he even hung around afterwards...said he was calling his mum but I don't think so...helped load up the van...he had to go though..once he made the decision...the group moves on..and they did a power of work as well...which was great!

I have A VVVVVIIIIP coming up to Aberdeen who will be meeting me and my team on a Tuesday....keep you posted about that one.

Tara for now.

Almost the weekend!!!

2010-06-17T06:51:00.003+01:00

Damn 4 day weeks..almost the weekend again!!!..mind you...makes no difference to me really as i am due to attend a get together at Sunnybank park and also work on NHS Map Packs as well..yes them again!!

Well, we had a lovely time at the wedding last weekend. Travelled down on Friday night (bloody suit in a bag!) and into the hotel..which was really nice...C had stayed in a premier Inn...before Lenny Henry became involved...a good few years ago and was worried about the state it was going to be in...but it was lush....right at the far end of the hotel with a nice view of the city...i took C for a walk as she had not been to Glasgow before..at least...not for a long time..she loved it....a few drinks and then to bed for the big day.

James was looking fine and dandy if a bit nervous...the sun was out...his boys looked like proper young gentlemen...proud of them indeed...slight hitch...the bride was late and no one knew why!!! James was sweating it a bit...registrar's are on a tight timescale..but Georgina arrived looking lovely...apparently they had been held up in traffic and then the paige girl puked in the car...they managed to direct her away from the bride who only suffered from minor splash back!!

Straight to Arta which was gorgeous...C loved it....Italian villa type feel..very dark and moody...lovely...the loos had an Italian phrase cd running all the time...bit weird..the meal was excellent and we ended up sitting next to 2 couples who tuned out to be very nice6 indeed..the function room was small and intimate and again had the feel of an Italian family meal...great..then downstairs to the disco for a boogey...which i did believe it or not..long time since that ever happened...paced ourselves on the drink...half pints only..which worked out fine!

He he...swayed out of the place through another door...the upstairs was now a throbbing club with Glasga's fashionistas!!!..and hailed cab...I knew we were close the hotel but we were not sure...crivens..we got in..the taxi pulled off....round the corner and stopped!!! He refused to take the fare or even some wedding cake....what nice guy..bless.

Sunday, we dropped off some kit at the railway station and headed to Hillhead...wanted C to experience the Glaga underground and the bohemian side of Glasgow out at Ashton Lane and Byres Road....really nice but very hot for me as I was still carrying the bloody rucksack!!! After 2 expensive drinks we headed back..onto the train..up to Aberdeen...bus to house...and that was that.

What a fine weekend!!!

Tara

Proud Moment

2010-06-11T09:17:00.002+01:00

Well,

here i am ready to hit the road with my lovely lady off down to Glasgow for a wedding...no...not mine!!!!..you can relax now....a good friend of mine who i shared a house with during my 1st season..it was the house of the broken and transient...and a dirty old landlord...he he....bless him...anyhoo...there was me and James and he always said he would never mix it up with the ladies again.

He has gone through a nasty separation and come through it with the love of his kids and his own sense of self worth..and he met his lovely lady as well. I have met her twice now (or is it 3 times?) and C has met her once. So, much to my delight, we were invited (both names on the card, mind!!!) to go tae Glasga toon. I booked an extra days hols sue to a misunderstanding but at least that means i will be off on Monday as well..hurrah!!!! Good to chill with the missus and have a wee look around Glasga again..although it does seem like it is going to be a marathon event.

James has booked a bus from Starthaven which will take everyone to the registrars at 1 pm and then onto a meal (woop woop) and then straight through to a club where there will be a buffet and then a shindig all the way through to 3 am!!!!

Bearing in mind this whole new way of thinking and lowering the drink and looking after myself for me and us and the future (and C is worried as well although blaming me1!) i am really quite concerned about lasting the distance. James didn't seem to get what i was saying about having a break and coming back out or going straight on and then leaving early..but hey....we will do what is best for us and leave it at that. I just want to enjoy my mate's wedding on my (our) terms and have a good time!!!

Should be good and looking forward to it.

Tara.

Family Life

2010-06-08T06:58:00.002+01:00

Think C nailed it in one sentence...."who would have thought all that time ago at a 1st aid Course this is where we would be"...indeed...at a family fun day for the boy's Scout Camp...he he....aye...who would have thought.

Was fun though...even the weather held off and fun was had..BBQ protocol?.....how soon do you go up for seconds or thirds...well...I did behave myself and waited an appropriate time before i went up..and then the guy said..plenty to go round...uncovering 3 metal containers of sausages/chicken (a dinna hink sae pal!/burgers...I fancied getting a meat sweat on but decided not to due to the fact I was in public.

I even did the dropping off of aforementioned boy o the Friday...causing traffic mayhem as i abandoned the car in the middle of the entrance...well...how was i supposed to know. the important thing for me is that the boy was asked beforehand 9a few days before to avoid stress) and he was fine with it...which i think is very brave of him. Was nice.

Seems I leave here (newtonhill) and then come back a few days later...strange feeling...coming back into someones house and having to assess...where is?...what can I deduce has happened due to state of house?..all that sort of thing...but it is fine. Indeed, it will be better once some folk have moved out (I hope) and be more relaxed and clean..especially for the land lady.

I made it through the 3 big projects a week situation and have only 1 weekend work to do (in addition to tax...must remember) to catch up. i won't be doing that again (note to oneself!!) as it was too much. The only time to catch up was at the weekend and that is good for no one. So..Forest School finished...Bridges finished....hurrah!!!...although Bridges lives on...was walking along to St nics and traffic had stopped...a car full of folk.."you'll nae find any f****ing trees here"..he he...was a Bridges client on release...he had been on the radio show with another client..who had come back the week after and drove the show on his own...Bridges in motion!!!

I am supposed to be strimming today but, looking at the weather...not too good...might have to get my sheep dipping dungarees on and get out there!!!

Tara for the noo.

Final Week!!

2010-06-01T06:42:00.002+01:00

Final week of 3 big projects at the same time. Forest school with Suzy ends today, Bridges 3 ends on Thursday and CSO keeps on rolling..phew.

Well, I felt a bit of a fraud last week at the CSO Awards in Glasgow. I had a small part to play (John Muir Award assessment) for the Torry Tidy, which my name was down for. I slept most of the mini bus journey down the road and, to be honest, most of it back up!!! The ceremony was in a swank hotel in Glasgow Central and it was all verra posh like, ken? String quartet and fizzy wine in the atrium...3 course meal in the main hall...podiums..pomp and ceremony all round. Dougie Vipond was hosting (Deacon Blue drummer fellie) with Mr Kenny McCaskill opening and closing. I like him, he is a funny and honest man..well..I guess he would have to be honest as he is in charge of justice in Scotland!!!

Aberdeen put forward 2 projects in 2 different categories. Out of 84 projects there was a short list of 12..both Aberdeen's projects were short listed...what a result!!! The project could either win the category, be highly commended or commended. We never won our category but received highly recommended and the other project received a commended. The project that won our category went on to win the overall best project...beaten by the winner's winner!!! What a result for first time. Next time ya bams!!!

Oh, did I mention that all winners of each category came from Glasgow...in a Glasgow based competition?...ah well..sure it was a coincidence!

Good thing for me was to have the opportunity to chat with the other Supervisors (the Shire folk kept themselves to themselves) when I could...lots of advice going round...great.

Next day i was back in the woods in charge of the Forest School...bit of a mind bender really.

So today, if my understanding is correct, we are showing bods around Kincorth Local Nature reserve and talking about urban forestry operations and the impact on the local community. Kincorth is a WIAT site and I am a product of WIAT..we will also be talking about other WIAT sites in Aberdeen..especially the one I am supposed to be working on instead of chatting to yous!!! Why is it important?...because a few (if not all) sit on the WIAT Board and they decide where the money goes in future...no pressure there then...especially when we are currently trying to push forward the indefinite extension of my permanent "time limited" contract...lucky I never went to the pub yesterday evening then is it not?

Family life continues apace..well..that is what it is when i am there with C and the children...i like being grumpy dad!!!! The children are going through a tough time just now so i am pretty relaxed (by my standards!) about things. The strength, courage and determination to make a new life for herself and her children are to be admired. (mwah..I know you are reading this!!)

Anyhoo, let's see what today brings...must go as it is time to brush the gnashers and saddle up.

Tara

Crazyness

2010-05-24T06:43:00.002+01:00

Morning,

I was standing in the exercise yard of Craiginches Prison, Aberdeen, ruminating and looking up at the cloudless sky and said to G....if you had told me all those years ago that I would be working in a jail in Aberdeen delivering the John Muir Award on an area of land smaller than some folks lawn, I would have said you were crazy.

If you had told me I would be spending the weekend with my partner and her son and daughter...picnics on the beach..queuing for ice cream..gardening...ARGUEMENTS!!!!...and then a 2 hour radio show broadcasting to Aberdeen and beyond (through internet)I definitely would have said you were crazy.

Finally, if you said...you will b getting out of bed at 6am to go to a pick up point to drive to Glasgow to represent Community Service Order, Aberdeen at the Community Service Awards with Mr Kenny McCaskill presiding and in with a chance of winning....well...I would have laughed.

But here I am....dress casual is the code...no craghoppers for me today.....take my shades for the snooze down there and back up...and fixing my mind for Forest School tomorrow..all very bizarre...this is the first opportunity I have had to think about today...quite something really...I don't know of any other countryside ranger in Scotland or UK that works as part of a CSO team...they didn't have to ask me to go...and this was from the top of the tree mind...so all very good.

Of course, should we win or should i bump into anyone from politics i will mention the situation about funding and pushing for extension to my contact and all the good work I do up here..in conjunction with my team mates..got to be done...no time for dithering!!!

Tara

Here We Are

2010-05-17T07:47:00.002+01:00

Well, matters have moved on in a positive way since the last post. been working hard (as usual..actually..that sounds a bit arrogant..not meant to be)...and working hard on our relationship. We spoke a lot and made it clear to each other that it is each other we want to be with...there was a lot more than that but I winnae bore you with the details.

So, we are stronger having come through 2 crisis points..and a learning experience for me I am sure...rewiring the hard wiring of years gone by.

C is in the house now although it does require some final touches and tie to sort everything out. What a difference since we all started this!!!....very nice....a home now instead of a shell. Hard to think what it was like before...lucky I have the pics..worth it though....think I will invite Jimmer to bash the garden and remove some of the slabs..that way it is done and dusted and C can potter away on her own...roses are going out i think!!

Week four for Forest School and Bridges....phew...amost there!!..all sorts of other things going on as well..busy busy!!!

AAAANNNNDDDDDD I spent the day yesterday doing my tac return number crunching as well as a late night show...pooo!!

Tara.

???

2010-05-02T09:12:00.002+01:00

For some reason my panoramic views don't seem to be liking this bloomin blog!!!

Aha!!!!...not as big as it would have been up top but nice enough. Both taken a t 7.30 am at Torry Battery prior to jail time work...which was by all accounts a bit of a disaster...however...the morning was fine.

Well, it would seem i have well and truly done it this time...this time it was all down to me. Now...I know that C can access this from her bloomin phone (I remember the day when they were used to make phone calls!!!!) so i don't really want to go into too much detail. but i mared it up on her birthday by going out the night before and being rough around the edges..it also does not help when you have just completed a 13 day stretch with no break...what did I say about work life balance...I should have just stayed at home and gone up on Monday....if I had that option...my night/day ended by sitting in my van for 4 hours as it got colder and coder 9serves me right really) and i sobered up enough o drive back home to my own bed. just to give an idea how "not well " I was and how in touch with my physical state...I passed on 1 round and the stopped totally later on.

My communication skills were up to their usual and this is where it all goes pete tong..fatigue to mild depression (spoiling it for everyone) to detachment (this will help) to total withdrawal..should have seen it coming as it is a character trait well known...actually...I did but there seemed nothing i could do about it. Anyhoo...it appears i ruined her birthday (well, it was actually) and behaved like a dingbat towards her sister and brother in law (I did and they didn't deserve it at all. Sometime in social situations...strange for someone like me who is totally mixing it up "socially" when I am working...I feel slightly paranoid and intimidated in small gatherings..I prefer to shy away from them...I think this played a part hr as well..either way..I totally mared it up and whatever happens from this point on I really have no one to blame but myself and lifestyle choices. What a tube!!!

After 4 hours of sleep in my own bed I ave cleaned kitchen and bathroom and have a wash on....so the chores are done at least. I will do my show later on...especially as I won't be in Wednesday or Sunday next due to a trip south. Keep on keeping on and see what the day brings.

Tara

Oh Dear...

2010-04-25T21:26:00.002+01:00

Had a brief look at my last entry...it was all very raw at that time...but at least i was being honest..for who's benefit...I guess mine more than anyone who may read this. apologies for anyone of a weak disposition for that last entry.

Having prepped some kit for this coming week...and been to the pub (yes, I know..not the best thing to do)...I have calmed down and checked how I feel...well...unbalanced and unhinged to be honest...is it because I am scared of being alone or the fact that I don't really want to live a life without C...time will tell I guess but I took the "never heard of before" step of writing a brief letter..apologising for any upset and explaining...or trying...how I felt...and thanking her for being part of my life up to this point. Never did it before and never felt the need...this was not done to weasel my way back in but just to say....cos she deserves it...not...I assume...that it will make any difference...not that I am sure I want it to make a difference...I just don't want C to feel our time together was unvalued...blimey...that doesn't really make any sense does it?...ah well....I did it and hand delivered to the house where she will be painting tomorrow....I hope she takes it in the vein it is intended..nowt I can do about it now...i know I did it for the right reasons...well..for me...if not for us.

Tara.

No break, tired and angry!!!

2010-04-25T09:54:00.003+01:00

Too much work and not enough time. Tired and...yet again...probably single. Aha...i hear you sigh...same old same old...we shall see.

I have to look deep inside myself and ask..am i happy?..well....I am and was...and it hurts to think of losing such a special thing...but I am tired and fed up....and am sure C is as well.

Crap.
Crap.
Crap.

I like being on my own....what exactly is wrong with my hard wiring that I feel that way?...is it wrong?...I don't know but I bloody well tried....I swear I did....and I enjoyed it...I don't have the energy the noo.

poo poo and tara.

Almost there!!

2010-04-15T07:05:00.003+01:00

Updated main pic to show SHMU FM's Awards....the sHMUfties..already been and gone but a nice card anyway....check out the SHMUftie's themselves...metallic coos!!!

Anyhoo...almost finished a big Project with Oldmachar Academy this morning...8.45 am start with drills, hammers and big big nails..will post pics next time of completed work...obviously..without the kids in them!

This post was started but not finished due to my lap top going doolally!!!..the project is finished!!!...hurrah!!! Thing is, we dragged the cross sections to the base we had post fixed in....and measured so it wold all fit...and it didn't!!!..much sawing was done while Simon helped drill the other 1...well done to the 2 young fellas that helped me!!....real life practical workings....worked fine and dandy.

Now....working on Sunday for the Forest School we thought was never going to go ahead but is (advised at 8.10 am over the phone while I was drilling holes in the timber at Oldmachar!!) o we now have to sort everything out NOW....pants!!

No rest for the wicked I think.

Tara

Tired Tired

2010-04-07T07:57:00.003+01:00

Oh dear me I am tired...been getting to bed early and staying down here..but it seems to be sticking..but then it was a full on week before..non stop with work and house....and I had some sort of bug...all very stressful..but it seems to have paid dividends....all the workmen turned up on Monday and Tuesday so now C is running around looking to buy things...oh dear me!!...without me there to rein her in I suspect a jacuzzi will turn up!!!...only joking....I have no role in it except budgets just now....guess i will be involved again when it comes time to paint. So, I had better enjoy the rest!

Check out the wall paper.....I can remember the stuff on the left but have never seen paisley wall paper!!....crazy...and all this covered avocado green paint on the walls of the bedroom....and a huge dart board...jimmer managed to fill all the holes in...see..it does pay to have a wooden board behind the dart board!

At last, it is sunny here....nice to see the dogs out in the sun at the back...will it last until tomorrow with my health walk?...he he...never does usually.

Tara

Wood chip!!!!

2010-04-05T08:02:00.003+01:00

DO NOT talk to me about that stuff!!!!...it is said that after a nuclear explosion cockroaches and other mini beasts will be alive...well...I can assure you...if they are hiding under bloody wood chip they will be safe and bloody sound!!!

Spent the last 3 days (with the help from Jimmer..oops..and C) stripping back the house C has been given by the Council. A lovely area with nice neighbours and no trouble as far as I could see..but....the decor inside was pretty "dated"..vinyl floral prints....wood chip by the acre...hack it back to expose more lurid wall paper..I will post some pics later on..cracking!!...the smell...oooyah...revealing many walls with a touch of damp and some where the plaster fell off. It has been worth it though...a major stage in settling the missus in to a new way of life...once the Cooncil have sorted out what they are going to do we can move onto decorating..although some can be done now..I am cut and burned and aching all over...but it is worth it and I will continue to work on the house...after a wee break!!!

C's son was 11 a few days ago and he had asked about coming on the show...it was all set up and he bailed....then his gran "persuaded" him (I remember that type of persuasion from a long time ago!!...and he wanted to do it again....C's daughter also came along...we had said it was just for a look but...lo and behold...they both went on the mic...they were excellent!!!...and they stayed for the full 2 hour show....it was really nice to see their self esteem rise....C's daughter is not the most confident..although she can kick ass at Judo...but she did it....fab!!....and they qualify for SHMU as well due to the location where C will be staying.

2nd week of the Easter holidays and it is quiet...well...for me....time to do some work, some prep and get things straight in my head for the next term....we are all flat out....I have a new Bridges project coming up....apparently an MSP is coming to see me and the CSO boys this Friday so that will be interesting...and I have still to buy some bloomin tarps from the Bridges budget..where will this time come from?!!!

Anyhoo..things are good..so far...and we move onwards and upwards.

Tara

Strip and Rip

2010-03-29T06:53:00.003+01:00

The missus was offered a hoose through the cooncil..and it is a peach!!!

But....it requires a lot of DIY so this week (including the bank holiday) will be spent stripping back, steaming off, sanding back, ripping out and taking it all away!!!!!

All good fun but i felt really knackered at the weekend so took it easy in the knowledge that this week was going to be tough. Work isn't too bad so i guess i can use all that flex i have banked up....over 10 hours and you lose it..so...why not?

My first week as a "significant other" up at the caravan...was good but tiring...all you parents out there...I doff my cap to you!!! But I do like them and I love my missus more each day..crazy really isn't it....if this doesn't work out i think i will be disappointed with myself really.....I don't really wish to be without her...bit soppy for a Monday I know but if i cannot do it here where can I do it?!!!

I need to find some pics I can put up here don't I?....will get on it ASAP.

Tara.

Typical!!!

2010-03-22T06:52:00.002Z

...the last session with this primary school...parents invited....other pupils coming down...we are ready to go and look brilliant...then the weather turns and all goes to pot....hhhmmmm...not raining just now but it has been overnight...and it has that "only in Scotland" hanging in the air quality about it!!

Hey ho..we shall prevail...good for the mini beasting mind you..and it will make the shelter building go a lot faster!!!!

Starting to feel better now after a good nights kip and a good show...no texts and no calls....hey ho....better than being harassed I guess...the tunes were flowing and I was jiving on the chair..although this hamstring thing is killing me...guess i shouldn't sit down as much then....maybe play from a standing position..?

C's kids had the Wii wired up at the static caravan...almost missed the show to be honest....tennis then ten pin bowling....talk about competitive...he he....you can see where the wii's benefit is though....it was gid...although there are other consoles on the market, I must add!!!

Did you know Goldfrapp released a new album?....they never even told me!!!....cheeky bams....the single doesn't sound to hot to me (strike me down for such blasphemy) but then i am sure it will grow on me.

Tara.

S

Cox!!!!

2010-03-18T06:47:00.002Z

Ahhh...what better to ease you into the day than a bit of Carl Cox!!!...Black Rock Desert....thoroughly recommend it....2 disc set and lovely cd cover mount package thing...anorak!!!

....and some coffee of course!!!

Today is going to be a long one for me...a bit of running about...to save me time as there is a volunteer group out helping me on a big job...lots of paperwork and a lot of digging...brought in a substantial amount of timber last week for an outdoor classroom so that needs to be dug in...and then there is this infernal "digging area"....which I have to dig up first...pick out bits..and then put back in after a lining goes down....ooo...oo...I almost forgot...the last NHS map doodle will be done as well..let's see the guy dodge the work now!!!

Had a walking group on Saturday.....man...they walked me into the ground as well as the other group did...they were all of a certain age which made me nervous...cos these clients usually were fitter than me...and i wasn't wrong in this instance....made it though.....just under twelve miles and 4 of our sites covered...really good weather..well...not raining...good for Aberdeen....and five and half hours later...hurrah!!!!..even managed to do a bit of freecycling as well.....found a huge amount of plant trays..think they were plug plants....at Seaton on a Monday after we had finished with the St Peters RC group..about 40 trays....they were heading for the skip so I snaffled them and moved them on..hurrah!!!

I am tired though...permanent bags under my eyes...hmmm.....know I am pushing it with work..but things need to be done...actually left my diary and "to do" list back at work last night...enough is enough....and have no work at the weekend but am going to drop off some tools for another group I seem to be involved with...and will finish off the work from today as well...seems to be a lot of loose ends that need sorted...and then my Sunday show...but hope to have time with my missus.

Who has been offered a place not in a war zone and not surrounded by radges!!...hurrah...having just moved into the static she will be moving out again...well..not that soon as work will have to be done before she can move into the hoose. It was emotional for her to move out of her previous living space and I will let her tell you about it if she wants to..but I am glad it is done and can see a difference in her and in the children for it happening. I was hanging out with the kids last weekend and will do so again this Friday...nice to have that time as it never really happened before....circumstances and all that...definitely would not have been able to do that in Bridge of Don..git.

Did I say...he capitulated...on the last day...as if he was playing a poker game and was a tough guy for it....he sent the cheque to take my deposit back to £400.00...which is what i wanted anyway..he stated he "did not have the time or energy to waste on the matter"...which means "I agree i have been unprofessional and unreasonable and do not want it in the public domain and I know I would lose anyway so I would rather not thank you"..."oh...and I am a git!!"

Oops...did i just say that?....you betcha..coffee kicking in and Coxy getting higher...yay!!!

Phoned dad last night...I forgot about his hospital appointment last week...he said he hadn't been well...i was a bit peed off he never called to say but I don't think it will happen again....he went into detail about the endoscope thing going up...well...never mind...it was more uncomfortable for him than the last time but it seems all clear. I find it unsurprising that he suffered afterwards....I wouldn't like to go through that but then it will happen in time perhaps. ice to hear from him though.

My volunteer, Suzy, has an interview!!!!..hurrah....spoke to her last night...so proud of her..although if she gets the job I won't have an assistant....which is pants....well..I will have a word as we need her for Smithfield PS' Forest School next term. Well done to her though....only volunteering for 6 months and already a main grade post with the Play Forum...that's my girl!

Better go....remember the show on shmu.org.uk...Wednesday...Around With A Ranger...or Sunday..Mr B's beat Box....click on "listen to previous show" and enjoy.

Tara.

SB

Yawn!!!

2010-03-08T06:44:00.002Z

Now...you see..that is how you are going to feel after a show from 8 to 10 then back home and 2 beers...well...you can't simply unwind when ure on the cutting edge of community radio....and it was George Michael who let me down last night...not any of my metal cds!!!!

Here we go for session number 3 out of 5 with St Peters RC. Having reviewed my NHS walks yesterday afternoon (oh dear, I had given the wrong proofs for my bss to read!!!) and then the CS Award proposal and then off to the cop shop to give a statement regarding the situation my landlady has with her neighbour...it was off to the show...so i am not too chirrupy this am...will feel it later today I expect...giving one of the FEI representatives a tour of our FS sites..so won't finish until late...I suggest a nap in the van may be required before coming home..this will be fine as I need to swap pick up for van anyway...hey ho....happy days!!!

I have been spending some quality time with the missus (5 months!!!!..hurrah!!!) just chilling out so all is fine and well there. In fact, she has decided to move out of the hoose while waiting for Housing to grind the wheels of bureaucracy and move in to a nice static caravan...which is secure and well looked after. I am so happy about that I cannot tell you how much. this is going to be a huge change for her and i will be there..f course...to help and comfort...mixed emotions, ups and downs but she will be fine.

I had some pics I wanted to put up here but will do another time. See....when I get up I have a shower and put a brew of coffee on..but my guts (and me) don't really start to work until a while after..so...while I am waking up and focusing on the day...I type in this..not that I don't givit much thought dear reader (s?) but just wanted to explain why some of these entries are so bloody early!!!

Work has been hard the last few weeks...mentally as ell as physically (which is good) that i have come home, chilled for a few hours and then conked out at the early hour of 9 pm or something like that...dear me!!!...but I have felt good the next morning...so if that is what has to be done it has to be done.

Tara for now.

S

Lottery Winner!!!!

2010-02-18T06:50:00.004Z

Ha ha....just the fiver this morning from last nights Daily Play!!..no need to retire yet!!!

Put these pics on from yesterday at Hazelhead..checking out the site for working today and tomorrow....very cold...try to capture the whole spectacle of ice burning off the vegetation and walls...steam coming up everywhere!!!!....and then there was this shot walking back along the path...hmmm...not sure if I captured it or not..?...50/50? Anyhoo...imagine my surprise when I turned up to the last remaining bit of the arboretum that required cutting back to open it up to the public..or so I thought!!!...the CSO boys must have done it last year and never said..hurrah!!!...although that leaves me with the conundrum as to what to do now...so i will work on the entrance which does not look good at all....does not say "there is something in here that you need to walk through....so that is what we will do today. Supposed to be minus 3 now so hopefully it will have burned off and heated up by then.

So, I received a letter back from my old landlord, giving me a paltry sum back and an explanation. Of course, I am an old hat a this..although a bit rusty I must admit, so I sent a letter back stating i did not agree and all of that..and that I was going to a small claims court to reclaim some more of the money..so we shall see what happens there..bit stressful but i have nothing to lose...and I do feel i haven;t been treated in a very professional way at all..so...there is nothing better than a good old morale battle of wills!!!

Tenants have moved out of Perth...seemingly a split..which is always a shame to hear...as in the break...not the loss of rental income...although that is a bit of a poo poo..but we will get there in the end. Heaven's above!!!...a prospective tenant wants the tartan sofa bed removed..he he...ok...tartan isn't everyone's cup of tea but damn...that was a beast to get up 2 flights of stairs!! He also wants the bed removed but he can dangle for that...it is in perfect nick.

My good lady..and I have to be careful her as she now is in control of the black art of blogging......treated me to a night away at a four star hotel in Inverurie...Thanestone Country House.....decided to do the lady justice and buy a new suit...I wasn't about to walk into a four star restaurant in a pair of jeans...even though some did...the food was excellent and vfm....the hotel was lovely and it was really nice to chill out with my lovely lady. Not that I don't like doing so in amongst all the kids and life's complexities..but it was nice..slippy floor in the bathroom though...dangerous in heels...her not me.

back to work and have the sniffles.....after going out without a hat on and neck warmer thing...should have known better than that so no point moaning...early nights seem to be making a difference.

Lots of work coming up..including a school which has dropped me in it..hence the early rise to try and sort it for next week...also working on Saturday with the boys...S has had a monitor fitted to his chest in case he has another seizure and then we are supposed to man handle his chest to switch the fecker on..i said to R yesterday in the office that I would rather be concentrating on making sure he doesn't swallow his tongue rather than operate the fecking machine...he he...bunch of cyborgs in this team..me with my back and S with his heart thingy.

Ah well...I could always be chained to a desk taking crap from a despot whose only opportunity for control in their life is to shout and physically intimidate their staff while they sell their souls for someone else's profit. Not likely..get it up ye's..on the same salary for a job i love to do.

Tara.

Made It!!

2010-02-04T07:48:00.003Z

He he...this is what i get for trying to be arty farty...putting my camera onto black and white...the colour ones aren't much better as the lens isn't good enough to focus at those distances..all very blurry!!! we weren't wanting to hang about either as there was a couple (I assume only 2) canoodling in the car by the harbour....not one to spoil anyone else's fun, we made a hasty retreat!!! This was, of course, at north Queensferry, having made it to carnock we decided to vacate for tea..my goodness...it was freezing!!!!! as soon as we passed Brechin there was no snow...it was like another country..bloody Aberdeen..and there was sun and light!!!..hurrah!!!!!!

The hotel was ace..although we made it there a wee bit late....last sitting at the restaurant was 9.15 pm and we checked in at 9.00 pm!!!..staff were excellent as well...they weren't hassling us to go away..which was nice..the room was lovely..and the breccy!!!!...i made it clear to C I was going for a meat sweat!!!...I had a slight rind on my forehead but not as bad as I have had it...guess i never went back for 3rds because of the company...mmmmmmm...was lovely....and I saved £120.00 as well by booking through latebookings.com.

Hmmmm...I have put on one of my cheap cd's from the library...napalm Death at 7.57 am is perhaps not the best..especially as there are little tots coming into the house now for Ali Baba's nursery..he he...that will keep them quiet!!!

Anyhoo..we all had a good time although I can see having folk around all the time is a stress on dad..so next time we will stay at a hotel I think...at least then I don't have to sleep on the bloody floor in a sleeping bag. His hearing has gone as well so I have to repeat everything twice..or raise my voice so he can hear me...then i get told off for shouting...crivens!!!...what is a man supposed to do!!! So..I am back in Newtonhill and working away...helping out a CSO group today who were promised a John Muir Award on their Order but this never happened...so..step into the breach Ranger of Danger...looking forward to it but it is time pressured so I need to hit the mark straight away..should be fun though...1st time working at Torry Learning House....1st time 2 of my peers will be there...so gotta be good!!!!..then CSO tomorrow...see if more than 1 of my Orders turns up...I need to have a team with me in order to tick off jobs that need to be done....I have 1 regular but I definitely need more if I am to lift turf....move wood chip..all of that...we shall see what happens.

Tara.

Bloody Snow!!!

2010-01-29T06:41:00.001Z

Aha!!!..we must be going away on a trip...as the snow has returned...bugger!!!!

Hopefully there will not be much more...C is coming with me to Fife...where she shall be meeting dad..for the 1st time!!...parp!!..should be fun. all I have to do is catch a bus to town...do my criminal work during the day...pick the car up..pick C up...come back here...have a kip...a shower...pack..then go...and be in Perth for 8 pm check in....likely?...me no hink sae pal!!!

Once we are under way should be fine.

Catch you later.

Tara.

S

All Done

2010-01-25T06:46:00.002Z

Well..it was indeed an issue...my land lord served me notice to quit..which was actually the best thing to happen cos he could have turned around and said...it was you who asked me to leave..it was you costing me money....you are not having your deposit back.

I had already started to look for places to stay..in addition to helping C out with her housing issue..looking at flats for her...saw a few...picked up on the vibes at one....asked C to come and see what she thought...she loved it...land lady nice and friendly...a couple already here...and 2 black labs...when would you like to move in?...end of week?..bosh...done and dusted.

I had bought a whole new hob for replacing the one i scratched at the house...rather generous but I thought..since I was going to be there I could use it once in situ...and also to keep the peace. However, the law states a land lord can deduct an amount from the deposit equal to the damage caused or replace if not functioning. So....I decided to take the hob..which was legally mine...and obtain a refund while making it clear to the land lord...I am more than happy for an amount to be deducted from the deposit...say £100.00...t works fine and doesn't really look that bad...but he has not...to my knowledge..issued a cheque to dad's address.

Perhaps it is because he went away for the weekend and stipulated C was not to come around....I told him I was packing but not moving and that C was not comfortable at coming round..so I was packing on Sat and moving stuff in here....I swear he drove past the house to see if C was here before he went away...what a tool!!!....rule number one...don't try and keep tabs on someone when driving an M3 BMW!!..anyhoo...came back on the Saturday and packed up the last few bits and pieces and cleaned the house..up a t6 am on Sunday...throw stuff in the van....take pics of the house 9just in case..took pics of the hob showing that it worked....left the letter.....popped the keys through the door and took the hobb...he he....would have loved to have seen the loo on his face!!!

I have money floating about and am able to pay the land lady 2 weeks rent and a month's rent as a deposit....fully expected my old land lord to haver with the deposit...to exert control over me...to obtain a reaction from me...he probably wanted me to give him grief so he could have one over on me....and also cos he would be fuming it all happened so quickly and right under his nose.

Well...I have the money to spare and sit it out. Have done thisa many times with big companies and am ready....letters to and fro and no co operation from him...bearing in mind i am looking for £400.00 back from £500.00..fair, I think?...what i hope will happen is he sends some of it back..reducing the contested amount to under £400.00..i.e...he gives me £300.00 so I contest £100.00 to take it to £400.00..wich means I can take him to a small claims court and not have to pay any fees...anyhoo...it will all be by letter and that will be that.

I have moved on and am not bothered. That very strange young man ad his spoilt brat of a partner have no place in my life now. I have been here a week and am very happy....and C is welcomed here as well...which is good. it as only 10 mins to the office as well..which is good cos i can start work quickly...but it is also bad..as I HAVE to start work quickly!!....he he...anyhoo...all done nice and quickly.

See how it goes.

Tara.

S

Oh dear me.....

2010-01-11T06:42:00.002Z

Look at the time!!!!

This is the 1st real working week for me....and to start it off I have to get to Torry (south side) from here (north side) by 9 am...easy enough?..not when you consider the route I have to take....got to miss the bottle neck at the Haudigan or I will be stuck forever and a day!!!

Pick Soozy up as well....the student lass..as this is Monday she is out with me as well.

There seems to have been an issue here in the house...sounds like Big Brother does it not...I won't go into details..but it would appear we have reached an impasse where i do not feel being dictated to as to what I can and cannot do and when i can and cannot do it is acceptable...bearing in mind this is me...it is hardly likely to be of a rock and roll lifestyle thing...however...it looks like i have out stayed my welcome..or should I say....C and I have out stayed our welcome and am looking for other accommodation...pants!!!

We are both dealing with this like grown men....by avoiding each other..he he....ah well....back on the road again.

Tara

S

Format

2010-01-03T12:01:00.001Z

sorry.....tried to make a gap between each paragraph but it winna let me do it!!!!

S

Happy 2010 Everyone!!!

2010-01-03T11:25:00.004Z

Here is a pic from our trip doon saff..well...Strathaven to Strathyre and then back up here..in some pretty intense driving conditions but worth it. Once we were in Strathyre the snow seemed to stop for a wee bit and we had the whole area to ourselves...NO TOURISTS....well...apart from us that is. This is the Falls of Dochart in Killin. I managed to find the button that makes my pics go black and white....not as good as a proper SLR but good enough for me.

I took this on the bridge over the falls...during the summer, I used to have to force my way past tourists on both side of the single lane bridge AND tour buses and cars from the other side...but this time...we were on our own except for a few locals walking dogs (probably muttering..."bloody tourists") and the gritters that are based in Killin.

Was really nice to get away with C and nice for her to get away as well..especially as she wasn't driving. Good to see old friends from where I worked before and introduce them to C..although she was pretty horrified as Jill put on the Dambuster Theme at the bar and us 3 lads independently went a bit loco....chair marching, saluting, trombone playing...you get the picture...i explained to C that this is what happens in the long cold winter that embraces Strathyre. Strathaven was ace although exceptionally slippy and icy...good to see James and the missus again..and..as usual...they were excellent hosts...much food was consumed!!!

In fact, I think I have more than likely put on weight (sorry Pat!!!!) but back to work soon and walking and all of that sort of thing....once this bloomin sniffling has gone away I will be back to the beach sauna/steam room combo.

So...a new year..but really for me...a new decade. The last has seen me split from my fiance..or as mum would say...fiasco...a bit cheeky but representative of the true situation!!!...move from Edinburgh to Perth..working in pensions and volunteering with the National Trust for Scotland...then leave the pensions job to go on the road looking for experience and a proper job in conservation/environmental education..so...from Perth to Strathaven to Perth to Lochearnhead to (France and Dominica inbetween) Haddington to Gourdon (Aberdeenshire) to Northfield (Aberdeen) to Bridge of Don....phew!!!! making friends and leaving them along the way...although as demonstrated above...those that count stay with you..I hasten to add....in contact with university chums along the way...and recently re acquainted with a few others from that time in my life....which is nice...and I thank them for that..not that they will be reading this of course....cos they kept me going as well.

So now we move into a new decade and year....this year will be the make or break for me in terms of making this position permanent..as mentioned before...PR work will start ASAP...however...made more difficult as the main ranger team is under threat...I just received an e mail that indicates the office has been sold!!!.......not helped by the fact i went up to pick up an electric heater from Perth I had stored in the main classroom...and found the floor like a waterbed and water running down the inside of the wall!!...managed to figure out which stop cock to turn off...the last thing the team needs...lucky I had my head lamp eh!!!..anyhoo....we shall see what happens....but I do hope we can sort it out...as the new working week set up beds in....student on a Monday...community on a Tuesday...Radio and planning on a Wednesday....crims on a Thursday....and Community Service order on a Friday...phew!!...and all the money from CSO work goes to the main team NOT me..which is a bit of a swine but the PR generated should go a long way towards the job..which will be worth it..and if the money keeps the main team afloat this also adds weight to the whole process..oh...and keeps my colleagues in a job as well!!!

And then there is C....sit down now...3 months!!!!..I can't believe it...although I am not like my landlord who calmly states he is well sorted with his missus and "can do no wrong"...oh dear..the young fella may learn reality with a bump..although I hope not...SO...3 months and all is fine...getting on with her kids....a wee bit soft..but then that is Dyce for you.....and they will learn when their mum moves to Middlefield or some similar area....they have been brought up well I believe and I am more comfortable with them than i was with L's kids...they are fun to be around and they are comfortable round me..which is very important for me and C...we couldn't be together at hogmanay which was exceptionally difficult for the both of us but the situation back home meant it was important for her to be there...or more to the point..at her good friends (we shall see how good when she moves to the crib!!) who may lose her husband this year...so...it had to be done...and we could not have asked her pal to ask me...that would not have been good for street politics as C's hubby is still in the family home...and across the road!!

Anyhoo....let's hope it continues as it has been.....we enjoy each other's company and seem to be compatible....blimey....we shall see.

New Year is a time to look back and remember times past and people gone or moved away AND those still with us AND look ahead with positivity....well...I think so anyway.

Happy new year to one and all.

Tara

If I keep smiling....

2009-12-16T19:54:00.004Z

...no one will realise I don't know what i am doing!!!

Making bread...a 1st for me...making bread in a high security prison..a 1st for me...and I would imagine....for a number of bakers!!!

Here I am..this is me in December 2009....and it is cold!!!!!..check out the visitor badge..SPS...Scottish Prison Service..."any sharps Mr Bly?"..."erm...speak to George" was always the reply....bill hooks...bow saws..loppers..rope...wooden poles....wood for burning....hammers...stakes...all brought in and taken back out again.

S

If it wasn't so damn correct..it would be annoying...well..

2009-12-16T19:34:00.002Z

....actually.it is annoying!!!..but in a good way..so I received a Christmas card from my uncle in France...i haven't seen him in a year (more I think is it not Pat?)..you know how it goes...e mails become infrequent and life takes over...sorry Pat..anyway...inside the card is a few words from the man himself..as always...succinct and to the point..and bloody right as well!!!!!

Thanks Pat.

These are the words of wisdom:-

"I hope next year will be calmer than 2009"...does it seem that manic?...well..I guess it does...what a year indeed....should be calmer..."that you will land a full time, permanent job"...that is the goal..but very difficult in this industry...it is why we are moving on the PR side of things and working with the Criminal Justice to raise the profile NOW so pressure can be put on those in power to make it permanent.."and that you meet the right woman"...is there such a thing Pat? It may seem I have taken up with a succession of bams who really were not that good for me....but i couldn't possibly comment on that....ahem.

If you see my previous entries over the last wee while...it may be that I have found someone who is good for me and they think I am good for them....so we shall see.

"Meanwhile, look after your health"..i am trying to.really I am...hhmmmm...could always do with drinking less beer...ahem..."lose a bit of weight"....seemed to have lost half a pound but could do more..."work less"..trying to...trying to.....even scheduled in annual leave in November rather than work all the way up to December and be forced to take them when I didn't need the time off..."and keep the blog going"...done and done.

In the space of 5 lines ALL the priorities of my life have been bulleted...amazing....how well you know me. Thanks for caring.

Speaking of women...or a woman!!..careful..get me into trouble...the lovely Lady C shall be accompanying me to Strathaven and then Strathyre on the way back up....which will be nice....a 4 day break...5 with driving...to places she has never been and without which I would have not ended up in Aberdeen and with her..hurrah!!

Back for 3 days and then off for Christmas....right up until 2010..even better.

Tara

Festive Times

2009-12-10T21:22:00.002Z

Well..the festive season is upon us and all is fine....ime tired today...but then a good kip always helps..as does going to bed on time but I never seem to manage that very well!!!! Luckily, my trusty steed, the coffee percolator, keeps me riding the roads!

Well, tomorrow will be emotional...the end of Bridges (jail side) project....what a 6 weeks it has been...won't miss the 12 hour days but will miss the boys. really looking forward to tomorrow and the celebration...and that is what it is..a celebration...we really turned up the heat and the boys kicked ass....what am i talking about?!!!..he he...they did it..they stepped up to the plate and delivered in spades...now..all i have to do is think what I am going to say!!!!

ah well...it seems..dare I say it...that I have found someone that can put up with curmudgeonliness..can you believe that?..I can...and I am happy....had a scare which may have fecked it all up but all is well and I can look ahead...I do so hope it works out. I smile a lot these days.

An early night for me?....perhaps not.

Tara.

S

Ruff

2009-12-01T21:05:00.002Z

Oh dear....as much as I love my late night show it does seem to make me feel crap...I really enjoyed it last night...but getting up today....drive...meeting...drive...office...drive...meeting...drive...event....drive....home...and all of it very cold...I feel crap...just as well the slot is being swapped....hurrah...but I have to wait until the new year for it..I will be pre recording on Sunday for the Monday show a week away....but still going on the next night...poo

Me and C will be going away for a few days...car booked as well...very exciting....looking forward to it.

sniff sniff

What a month!!!

2009-11-18T19:42:00.002Z

Hey there...well a month has gone past and what a lot of changes.

First, the pic in the title bittie is the Brig O' Balgownie...on the Don (north of Aberdeen....Dee to the south) as it expands into the estuary and Donmouth Local Nature Reserve. This was taken on the very 1st health walk entered on the winter activity schedule...never done before so very proud it had been included with another 3 for next year. bad publicity (as in none whatsobloody ever..well..almost) and our pamphlets going out late (today) meant the uptake was crap. We had stated the event was bookable so we knew who was (or not) going to attend but the only bloomin article in the paper did not say that SO I had to turn up just in case...and one person turned up so we went with it..I had recce'd the route the week before (9 miles) and was happy to do it again as it went from Persley Bridge all the way along the Don on the north side to Donmouth and back again on the south again. the weather was ace as you can see and the guy who turned up was walk leader from Mastrick...I had know walks went out from there but never had the time to find out who organised them...AND you don't want to see to be invading their territory now, do you?..so it was nice to chat to him..he had always wanted to know how to join bits of the walk up to make a whole loop...and we did it...he was happy with the route which made me feel good...as I had out them together...you know what you are doing and why but you are always pleased when someone in the same sector of work agrees and affirms with your thought process. My goodness though...it was a long walk...took us 3 hours which is pretty good going.

This pic here is me at the breakfast club...approx 7.50 am!!! These kids from surrounding schools go there for what is probably the only way they have a good start to the day....with their breccy...and then they sometimes do stuff with me....they have been developing an area of amenity cut grass and turning it into a wildlife area...with compost bins as well....wild flowers and logs which they painted..all good and they all work well together...some of them had worked with me at Hilton doing shelters and such like...ad I had promised this group a shelter on their site as it was locked so should be saved. This is the final stage of the garden project for me...where they are all constructing a shelter after designing it....this was a challenge for them all really...even those who had been at Hilton...the task of joining 2 poles with twine was a complicated one...and wasn't working to begin with...so I had to think on my feet and break it down to 2pass to x, then to y, then to z and the back again"..click....they got it and i just stood back!!! A challenge for me to be doing this at that time of the morning but it is having a positive effect as the teachers from Smithfield have asked me what i was doing..so the kids are obviously talking about it at school..all good!!!

In an effort to manage work time and personal time I have now moved from Northfield....living in the area you work is not good for separation...it had also become apparent the effect living in a fairly unclean place is...I don't just mean the house but also the area...the noise and crime and suppressed aggression was getting to me...unfortunately...people bad mouth the area and..to a certain extent..they are correct...which i didn't like admitting. Living here with no planes over head...no gadgies on the streets...no bike whizzing about..no dealer's dogs barking at the bikes whizzing around and the "niceness" (make sense) has increased my feeling of well being...quality of life I think they call it...it is a sad state though...when you know the people you work with have so much against them to succeed...they really have to leave to do it..to rise above...but then...it also makes me proud and passionate that i work with folks who don't walk away...they stay there and fight for their people...all in attempt to break the cycle or, at best, give folk a leg up. so, working there is fine but living there is not good for me as a person..especially as a lot of the criminal fraternity clients also live there or there abouts....safety issues came into it.

So, now I am in Bridge of Don..paying a whack of money but then not paying for bt internet..a reason i have not updated in a while as the guy here had problems with his....I have a lovely room in a lovely house and feel very comfortable....and i know the local boozer as i used to drink there with M...now I am back!!!...and living far enough away from M not to worry her...she had probs with a previous ex who stalked her (been there and been subjected to it..from someone else I hasten to add) so i would not want her to feel that from me.

It was a bit of a rush and hassle to move but it went well and I recuperated sooner than i had though. Only thing though is that the traffic is crap....used to sitting in a queue listening to music which is fine....a small price to pay...my other option was in Dyce..which would have had the same problem if not more as there is only one main route in and out.

Work continues apace and I am looking to change my Monday night show...it just hurts too much for the rest of the week..i am feeling it today still...crivens...shouldn't be too much of a problem though..either pre record or change with a guy who asked me to take on his 8 to 10 slot on a Sunday...which is more human really...we shall see...but I do love my music..the one constant in all this time.

I have also met someone special...he he...yes....i can hear you all moan...NOT AGAIN!!..but we shall see. went on a 1st aid course and there she was....since i always give Simon hassle that he used events and activities to obtain phone numbers....I never said anything...but did tell her about my show...so...2 weeks later i received a text asking for a tune...i texted back...and then we took it from there...complicated personal life but all done and dusted by the time i arrived on the scene which is good...so we shall see. 1 month has passed and we have taken it slow...and we seem to get on...very close and caring...which is nice for me...and for her I am sure. Don't want to say too much but I hope this works out...she is a very special person.

That will do for now I think.

Tara

2009-10-13T19:46:00.002+01:00

Phew!!!

Finished the 5 day sessions and all went well....my throat is still shredded though..but it was good...soozy stepped up to the plate and delivered both barrels...a feisty young lady if ever I met one..even on the Wednesday with 2 challenging groups!!!..man..i have never had any PS group so full on...having to wedge your body between to kicking and punching kids was never the deal..but they did have a positive experience and the staff were happy.

But now is the time for catching up...6 hours in the office yesterday..and sorting out kit/planning for the new bridges project which kicks off next week. Met some of the lads who were back in...a bot emotional...all convictions and arrests...not their fault it would seem..like...yeah!!..one was angry...one was stoic (on the surface0 and one was seriously dishevelled and depressed...very concerning..all we could do was reinforce the positive points and keep things going. let's not be naive here...some of the crimes we have been told about were awful...slashing...mugging...theft...but we are there to engage and attempt to raise the awareness there is another way of life...they are not saints and we are not there to convert them...just offer opportunities.

Anyhoo..the show moves on...radio tomorrow...all day outdoors on Thursday and supposed to work with CSO on Friday but I cannae see that happening.

back full time...rock and roll!!!

Tara

More apologies

2009-10-04T11:59:00.002+01:00

Hey there..a whole bloomin month has gone by with no post..no..it is not because I canna be aersed...i literally have not stopped for a whole month...work (yes, yes, need to have a balanced work life ratio!!!!)...looking for somewhere to stay...being poorly..hey ho...the usual tapestry of life.

So...Work

Well..i have been trying to cram 5 days worth of work into 3 and it hasn't really worked..so I have been doing what I love doing and doing it for free on my non working days...big projects..prep..meetings..all of that. It has been fun but i am definitely feeling it and really need some down time. In addition to work I have been mentoring this young lass who is looking for outdoor education experience...it is an opportunity for me to put back in time that so many many people gave to me in my meandering route to this post....so t is nice to do but takes up quite a bit of time. this young lass is taking on a week long set of sessions (due to start tomorrow!!) with a regeneration school in an urban woodland...a big ask of her to be honest..don't think her fella is overly impressed by the fact he comes up here and she is off with a grizzled old codger like me...tough!!!..she works hard and so do I..from inception to prep to delivery to assessment..she will be doing it all..hurrah!!..but I will be glad when it is done and i can get back to on the ground work.

So, I am now formally switched over to the Council...having successfully interviewed for my own post...and now wear blue and am being paid for 5 days work..shame I am now doing 7!!! BUT...I have booked 5 days off in line with the break in the Bridges Project...and i will not be working!...already been asked to attend meetings and..with cold sweat on my brow...stated I will not be attending..but what will I do?...well..I was going to go on holiday but..having just moved in to my new lodgings by that point..I will have no money...so...sauna...pub...walk..pub..sleep...i think will do for me!!

By Jimminy...I am tired though...and it shows....extra grumpy!!..although I have tried to address the situation for this coming week by putting pre recorded shows on the system at SHMU..which means i can get to bed at a decent time on Monday and the show is covered on the Wednesday..phew!

Simon is back but a wee bit weak..his eye doesn't take the sun too well and he physically finds it tiring to be out and about...even though he winnae admit it!..bless him..he looks like a tiger or bear took a swipe at him and ripped his right eye about....a lucky man....shame about the car though....glad to have him back..especially as it gives the student room to experience rather than deliver only.

Home...well..i have decided to move out of here and found somewhere in Bridge of Don..north of Aberdeen....it makes that distinction between work and home where I now live in the area where i work..it has me in a more modern and clean house with a landlord who is clean as well...although maybe a bit too keen on keeping things aseptic!!..it has a garden for nice days..which is not accessed by all and sundry...and it is quiet..and i don't have to pay for tinternet. More money though, but i think it will be worth it. This will be at the end of this month..still to pluck the courage up to say to landlady...we are avoiding each other...no...she is avoiding me at the moment..which isn't a good set up really is it..especially as I didn't do anything wrong other than ask her to help me empty a bin and do some bloomin cleaning.

Life...when do i have the chance to meet any ladies?..exactly...so no more to say on that one. Our next door neighbour back home passed away after a battle with Alzheimer's..a blessing really as the person we knew as an uncle had long gone and was a serious physical and mental drain on his good lady. obviously...we would all rather have had him here with us still and with his good lady but...what a release for her..it was having a serious impact on her health. I couldn't make it to the funeral but mum and dad did..which was good to represent the family...such as it is.

I think i will be more relaxed and positive when i move...less of an overhanging atmosphere...don't you think? I am making time for me as i have recently gone to the health suite at the beach..lovely....sauna and steam room..great...good for tired muscles..although the last time I was in the steam room some big fat bloke came in and sneezed without covering his mouth...the git!!..I almost throttled him..sniffly since. Anyhoo..it is a nice way to end the day..and cheap as chips although I do have to be aware it is used as a gay pick up joint...stare straight ahead and keep your distance!!!

Right..gotta go and pay the deposit.

tara

here we go then

2009-09-07T20:15:00.002+01:00

Well,

What has been happening..or should i say...what has not been happening!!!

I guess the biggest bit of news is that I interviewed for my job..it wasn't a dead cert either as the new area manager was interviewing me..i did a good interview as well...pleased with myself..and I got it as well. Typical of the situation...asked for it to be 1st thing in the morning so i could then go straight to SHMU and do my show..about the job I had just interviewed for...bizarre.

Anyway, this means many things. It means that I have a job for another 18 months..which means I will have stayed in one place for 4 years..thinking about it...this is the longest since..actually...it is the longest...cos I was in Dudley avenue (Edinburgh) for 3 years only...crikey...on the road for 10 years..that isn't good really is it? However, the plan is to IMMEDIATELY start work on justifying the post as permanent..having done the ground work and proved it works in the last contract...using the Community Service Order work as a source of funding and matching with Forestry Commission Scotland.

Still hasn't sunk in yet but sure it will when i get back to wearing blue and earning proper money!!!

In addition to the job, maybe I can now start thinking about relationships (oh yes, I know my track record would advise against it!!)..now it may well be the case i end up here for most of my working life..what a thought!!!

On top of all this job stuff, i have been away on a business trip in my FCS role...down to Glasgow..although the office was near my flat on Dumbarton Road I managed to get lost 3 times and even ended up south of the Clyde!!!!..a total of one hour late...interesting to see how the WIAT project is ticking over there..then to see James and Gorgina in Strathaven..then John in Strathaven...then an Forest Education networking event at Chatelherault..then a meeting in Strathyre with a Trust officer with the National Park...then back up here....it was great...back in Strathyre...seeing chums and old bosses in Strathaven...and a (very wet) networking event as well..all good and on expenses with a nice FCS diesel injection Focus estate....vroom vroom!!!

I am just back from another trip south..only this time to Fife. Managed to give dad his digi frame and show him how to work it...he has managed so far I believe! Visited the Hermitage..which was nice....nice to see it is still being looked after although the half burnt out caravan kind of spoils it...dropped off hoover at flat with tenants...went for a walk with dad as well..followed by a few pints...always good on a Saturday afternoon.

Yesterday, went to a pub on the outskirts of Edinburgh to meet a classmate from Napier, her husband and children and another classmate. I felt very comfortable with them and hope they did with me..just struck me that I never intended to NOT talk to them but i guess everyone goes about their business and things take over...Donna is Jemma's daughter's God Mother but she only gets to see them every couple of months as it is...so...it happens...Donna came up from Lasswade and Jemma from Peebles...just to see me..i feel privileged for that. Now, I can plan maybe meeting people..all as a result of knowing there is a really strong possibility that I may not move again...all very strange to get your head around.

As much as i love my job, where it is and who i work with I must admit it was nice to spend some time with people who are not living in an aggressive environment and the children recognise boundaries...i found that strange to begin with...the kids aren't swearing at me or each other...nor do they seem to be aggressive or threatened...great....but back to it today though even though I am not working.

Dropped of the hire car..with minutes to spare...up at 6.30 am and on the road by 7.30 am..drop off stuff in the house...and down there for 10.15 am...phew...then to the Project only to find a 5 day trip almost leaving..so...helping with the bags into the bus and waving cheerio to the kids...to see these tough ladies greeting as their kids went off was quite touching. In fact, one guy left before they did as he was almost in tears as it was...bless!!!!

Life goes on eh?

Talking of staying in one place..well..I mean area..as i am looking for somewhere to stay other than here...sick of the filth and grief from asking to share the cleaning...pretty difficult though because anywhere semi decent costs a bomb...unbelievable...and some places are just disgusting for the same money I am paying now...so we shall see...but i would rather leave as soon as I can...I have been here almost a full year...crikey..long gone are the Gourdon days...but i bet if i went back to the pub they would still be there..shouting..as they do...and getting rat arsed!!!!

Hey ho..all good though. I haven't yet looked at all the previous posts but i am aware the road to securing this job has taken a long long time...if you're stressed reading it then try and understand how I felt!!!

Tara.

S

Apologies

2009-08-02T10:24:00.002+01:00

It is almost a month since my last entry...crivens..crazyness. matters have settled down here and..with the exception of not really knowing for sure about the result of my applying for my new job...well..old job but new job if you see what i mean....i think i am pretty secure.

It is only now that I realise the stress I have been working under since November...and Matt..my FCS line manager stated he had been concerned but never been able to check up on me..which is quite something if he is saying that. i think i have done quite well to keep going..in a professional manner...throughout all this ups and downs.

Settling in to my part time post with FCS....been up to Huntley a few times..met the team...good to see some folk not chatted to in a while...nice office..all trees around them....total shock than the usual granite and burned out bikes for me..good to be seen though...an something we hope to continue after..well...after i get the job....even though i will be back in the blue of the cooncil.

Health walks and bushcraft is the order of the week this week..and perhaps a bit of practical volunteer work..left the Bridges guys alone for a bit so need to push on with that. Stimmer mungous.

There is also talk of working on the future as soon as this new contract starts...now..we did start pretty prompt last time...but no one wants the same again. Contracts being signed up with Community Service Order for one day a week..now..at the moment..this will provide a stream of income for my team mates but it may..in the future...be a way of funding alongside FCS and still hosted by ACC..on a permanent basis...but that is for the future..well...a few months down the line..but it all looks good.

I am now enjoying my Monday night shows...my days are kinda long now but seem to be managing...multi vitamins to the rescue!!!...still don't like locking up and setting alarm at midnight...but it is fun and I can feel me slipping into the routine...even Tuesday mornings are not that bad...a quick kip around midday does the trick!!..lucky I have an unmarked van eh? i spend a fair bit of time there...which isn't a bad thing....as it is good to mix and mingle...ime enjoying my music and have figured out how to use a usb stick.

Finally bought a digi pic frame for dad...scanned some really old pics and copied them onto the digi frame....looks good..so all I have to do is get it to him!!! Big trip in august...down to Strathaven and Strathyre....and meeting some FCS guys as well....should be good...but think i will maybe hire a car and visit dad the week after....Ian is coming back from New Zealand and i think there is some sort of shindig on for him...so I could go to that as well...as it is in Dunfermline...dad will be so chuffed with the frame...the pics have scanned really well..although one really old one broke in the post....managed to scan it then laminate it so it will last longer than dad or me!!!!

Ok..I will leave it there for the now...catch you later.

S

X

Part Time!!

2009-07-09T11:47:00.002+01:00

Well,

Here I am on the first real days off due to part time contract...and I have a sore throat..bah!!! Think this is part getting caught out in the rain on Tuesday (yes, I know that doesn't make you ill on it's own but I think I had a wee bug anyhoo!!) and the fact that the session was the first outdoor shouty one in a long time....felt good to be barking across a field at the kids...and it seems they loved the day as well...lots of games and mnibeasting!!!!!

Even though I am off there is one big project to finish and that is the health walks...only 2 more to write up and then pass to the lassie from NHS for review. So..I will be doing that this afternoon and probably tomorrow morning..but then that is the main part finished..hussah!!!..then off to the printers and out to GP's...catch the tail end of the summer..which should be good.

I like not working though....all I need to do is find something to do with the time....I think walking is a good idea as I continue to fight the good fight against the bulging tummy tum tum!! no way I am going swimming when i feel like this...have been there too many times....it just gets worse and worse and I definitely do not want to be in the position I was in last year...hacking cough for weeks..no way...so..sit tight and behave..a walk will be fine though.

My job..sorry..the job...is supposed to advertised now but I cannot see it on any website...sure it will pop up soon..and then i shall apply. Difficult not to become too confident but, since I have just had a high level meeting with CSO regarding starting to facilitate Orders ASAP and agreements being drawn up next week AND the fact they want me in there to do it...it is difficult not to be. Hey ho. Keep going and look forward to September....there will definitely be a break in post so may even go off for a few days...I fancy a cheap flight to Magaluff or somewhere cheap and tacky...pool...booze...food...and yes....ladies!!!!!! we shall see.

Tara

Happy Days

2009-06-28T08:36:00.003+01:00

Well...the coffee is kicking in on this..a very dreich Aberdeen Sunday morning..and what do I have to do today?...nothing!!!

Mind you..i did work yesterday...well..volunteered...at an over 40's ladies event yesterday..it was absolutely sweltering I tell the....and there i was the only fella in a sea of ladies!!! Yest another "indoor gardening" event..which is quite ironic really when you think about it...as I do not really know owt about gardening..he he...but it went down well..free pots, compost and plants...and some seeds as well..so all was good. I have to say..although I don't really know much about gardening that it is quite fun...I liked playing in the mud!!!!..nothing much changes does it. I asked one of the new exhibitors if they had a good tie and they replied that they seemed to be networking more than providing information to the public...and that is what I love about it...I know most of them anyway but it was good to catch up..especially as a lot of them had been in the loop about contracts and had thought my post was finished!!..so was like..."hey..how you doing?"..all very nice..all about the banter!!

So, now I am part time and have days off I am actually trying to not do work things....about time really as I have always had a work life imbalance..but now it is highlighted...what to do with 2 days off per week?...hhhmmmm...it is really difficult not to pick up the phone or go to the office and do some e mails...as there is always so much to do...but i see this current situation as an excellent opportunity not to be missed..do something else!!!..work can wait!! In fact, when I visited the Forestry Commission Scotland's office this week to meet all the folk, I met the high heid yin for the north east and he specifically said..."now, you only have 3 days per week, don't go sneaking into the office and try to do some work"..which I thought was pretty good...so I will have to do what I am told.

So, what has been happening? I have now started my part time short term contract with Forestry Commission Scotland..this has involved support from upon high and plenty of string pulling..as the funding was meant to be paid over to another employer and then paid out as salary..ACC has in turn committed the van, phone and office logistics..which is pretty good. This to maintain continuity over the summer months and terminates in August by which time the big post should have been advertised, applied for and satisfactorily obtained by me!!! This post will be hosted by ACC but 100% externally funded..the targets we strive to achieve will be FCS and HLF so we should be cooking with gas.

The benefits are already been seen for me....I have taken on bookings from clients worked with a wee while ago and now..having been kept in the loop...they have come back to me. Bearing in mind the new focus..or same focus but more focused..if you see what I mean...to have feet on WIAT ground..i have booked them onto the sites..he he....no wet weather option!!.so we will need to get our shelters up nice and quickly!

So it looks like i will have a gap between contracts again but not as long as 3 months!!!...which is a good thing really. I tell thee, i had better get the damn job or there will be trouble..but it doesn't seem likely i won't...why would folks do all this if they didn't want me here?...keep the faith...seems to have done the trick so far.

I am trying to gee myself up to take up kick boxing as it sounds like really good exercise...plus a good way to expend any issues. The only thing is that it is on a Tuesday which is usually when i am tired after the late night show on Monday and then work on Tuesday...but perhaps this is an excuse. Anyway, it sounds good to me so we shall see...still enjoying the radio although by 11.45 pm I am a bit eager to get home!!!

Onwards and upwards!!

Tara