Music

Another post on the same day...well..short of time this am.

I was called into Kitty yesterday...told to change over vehicles...I thought it would be a swap at the lease company..nay nay and thrice nay...I turned up..the guy said "you're taking away a fleet car"..."eh..I am?"..and so it was...I went out the car park and clicked the key at a tipper van...no...and then at a Connect...no...walked a bit further...OH MY FECKING GOD!!!..they bastards have given me a corporate Ford Feckin Fiesta estate thing!!!..damn, blast and hellfire!!!...I had to squeeze everything in and make a run to Lochinch to empty some if I was to pick up my Wednesday volunteer...and a weird feeling came over me...no not a reaction to the canary yellow of the Council Colours...strange.

Thoughts later. That particular van I had. I had spent more time in it and around Aberdeen than I had with partners..and through many situations with partners....it was that very van that took me at speed to Fife as dad lay dying..hanging on...and then letting go when I got there...all down to that van...it was the constant in my life...it moved me from place to place...sometimes at leisure and sometimes not. Almost fitting at the first anniversary...and at a new year...to leave my longest suffering partner behind. And then the other side...after all this time...to be part of the team..or at least to have it made plain...to wear the colours....albeit in a shitty van which most definitely is not fit for purpose...it was nice...but even within the corporate colours...still reflected who was driving it...a year older than the Combo...battered and scratched and scruffy...but still going..that is me.

A weird thing that...changing over a vehicle...why should it mean so much...well..I guess it does for me.

I have a greater sense again of the importance of music for me and how the lack of access affected me before. I have been given some vinyl by a colleague and am reading up on DJ'ing...while listening to some old cd's...my lifeblood...whether or not I go down that road is to be decided...money...always money...if it doesn't happen...at least I have some cracking vinyl..proper bo!!!!

I am aware that there is aomething bubbling below....and I assume it is to do with dad...maybe not...and defintiely not a dangerous undercurrent...maybe it is the fear of someone letting go and seeing the future with all it's possibilities....I thing that may be it...but we shall see as time goes on.

Job wise..it is so complicated I have lost track of all the permutations...money owed...money committed...money to be committed..blah blah..but I have been told to carry on as normal..that money owed will not matter and all will be well...serious commitment from the top...and they are coming to us for work!!! Settling down...well...maybe.

Tara