Crazyness

Morning,

I was standing in the exercise yard of Craiginches Prison, Aberdeen, ruminating and looking up at the cloudless sky and said to G....if you had told me all those years ago that I would be working in a jail in Aberdeen delivering the John Muir Award on an area of land smaller than some folks lawn, I would have said you were crazy.

If you had told me I would be spending the weekend with my partner and her son and daughter...picnics on the beach..queuing for ice cream..gardening...ARGUEMENTS!!!!...and then a 2 hour radio show broadcasting to Aberdeen and beyond (through internet)I definitely would have said you were crazy.

Finally, if you said...you will b getting out of bed at 6am to go to a pick up point to drive to Glasgow to represent Community Service Order, Aberdeen at the Community Service Awards with Mr Kenny McCaskill presiding and in with a chance of winning....well...I would have laughed.

But here I am....dress casual is the code...no craghoppers for me today.....take my shades for the snooze down there and back up...and fixing my mind for Forest School tomorrow..all very bizarre...this is the first opportunity I have had to think about today...quite something really...I don't know of any other countryside ranger in Scotland or UK that works as part of a CSO team...they didn't have to ask me to go...and this was from the top of the tree mind...so all very good.

Of course, should we win or should i bump into anyone from politics i will mention the situation about funding and pushing for extension to my contact and all the good work I do up here..in conjunction with my team mates..got to be done...no time for dithering!!!

Tara

Here We Are

Well, matters have moved on in a positive way since the last post. been working hard (as usual..actually..that sounds a bit arrogant..not meant to be)...and working hard on our relationship. We spoke a lot and made it clear to each other that it is each other we want to be with...there was a lot more than that but I winnae bore you with the details.

So, we are stronger having come through 2 crisis points..and a learning experience for me I am sure...rewiring the hard wiring of years gone by.

C is in the house now although it does require some final touches and tie to sort everything out. What a difference since we all started this!!!....very nice....a home now instead of a shell. Hard to think what it was like before...lucky I have the pics..worth it though....think I will invite Jimmer to bash the garden and remove some of the slabs..that way it is done and dusted and C can potter away on her own...roses are going out i think!!

Week four for Forest School and Bridges....phew...amost there!!..all sorts of other things going on as well..busy busy!!!

AAAANNNNDDDDDD I spent the day yesterday doing my tac return number crunching as well as a late night show...pooo!!

Tara.

???

For some reason my panoramic views don't seem to be liking this bloomin blog!!!

Aha!!!!...not as big as it would have been up top but nice enough. Both taken a t 7.30 am at Torry Battery prior to jail time work...which was by all accounts a bit of a disaster...however...the morning was fine.

Well, it would seem i have well and truly done it this time...this time it was all down to me. Now...I know that C can access this from her bloomin phone (I remember the day when they were used to make phone calls!!!!) so i don't really want to go into too much detail. but i mared it up on her birthday by going out the night before and being rough around the edges..it also does not help when you have just completed a 13 day stretch with no break...what did I say about work life balance...I should have just stayed at home and gone up on Monday....if I had that option...my night/day ended by sitting in my van for 4 hours as it got colder and coder 9serves me right really) and i sobered up enough o drive back home to my own bed. just to give an idea how "not well " I was and how in touch with my physical state...I passed on 1 round and the stopped totally later on.

My communication skills were up to their usual and this is where it all goes pete tong..fatigue to mild depression (spoiling it for everyone) to detachment (this will help) to total withdrawal..should have seen it coming as it is a character trait well known...actually...I did but there seemed nothing i could do about it. Anyhoo...it appears i ruined her birthday (well, it was actually) and behaved like a dingbat towards her sister and brother in law (I did and they didn't deserve it at all. Sometime in social situations...strange for someone like me who is totally mixing it up "socially" when I am working...I feel slightly paranoid and intimidated in small gatherings..I prefer to shy away from them...I think this played a part hr as well..either way..I totally mared it up and whatever happens from this point on I really have no one to blame but myself and lifestyle choices. What a tube!!!

After 4 hours of sleep in my own bed I ave cleaned kitchen and bathroom and have a wash on....so the chores are done at least. I will do my show later on...especially as I won't be in Wednesday or Sunday next due to a trip south. Keep on keeping on and see what the day brings.

Tara