Had a brief look at my last entry...it was all very raw at that time...but at least i was being honest..for who's benefit...I guess mine more than anyone who may read this. apologies for anyone of a weak disposition for that last entry.
Having prepped some kit for this coming week...and been to the pub (yes, I know..not the best thing to do)...I have calmed down and checked how I feel...well...unbalanced and unhinged to be honest...is it because I am scared of being alone or the fact that I don't really want to live a life without C...time will tell I guess but I took the "never heard of before" step of writing a brief letter..apologising for any upset and explaining...or trying...how I felt...and thanking her for being part of my life up to this point. Never did it before and never felt the need...this was not done to weasel my way back in but just to say....cos she deserves it...not...I assume...that it will make any difference...not that I am sure I want it to make a difference...I just don't want C to feel our time together was unvalued...blimey...that doesn't really make any sense does it?...ah well....I did it and hand delivered to the house where she will be painting tomorrow....I hope she takes it in the vein it is intended..nowt I can do about it now...i know I did it for the right reasons...well..for me...if not for us.
Tara.
Sunday, 25 April 2010
No break, tired and angry!!!
Too much work and not enough time. Tired and...yet again...probably single. Aha...i hear you sigh...same old same old...we shall see.
I have to look deep inside myself and ask..am i happy?..well....I am and was...and it hurts to think of losing such a special thing...but I am tired and fed up....and am sure C is as well.
Crap.
Crap.
Crap.
I like being on my own....what exactly is wrong with my hard wiring that I feel that way?...is it wrong?...I don't know but I bloody well tried....I swear I did....and I enjoyed it...I don't have the energy the noo.
poo poo and tara.
I have to look deep inside myself and ask..am i happy?..well....I am and was...and it hurts to think of losing such a special thing...but I am tired and fed up....and am sure C is as well.
Crap.
Crap.
Crap.
I like being on my own....what exactly is wrong with my hard wiring that I feel that way?...is it wrong?...I don't know but I bloody well tried....I swear I did....and I enjoyed it...I don't have the energy the noo.
poo poo and tara.
Thursday, 15 April 2010
Almost there!!
Updated main pic to show SHMU FM's Awards....the sHMUfties..already been and gone but a nice card anyway....check out the SHMUftie's themselves...metallic coos!!!
Anyhoo...almost finished a big Project with Oldmachar Academy this morning...8.45 am start with drills, hammers and big big nails..will post pics next time of completed work...obviously..without the kids in them!
This post was started but not finished due to my lap top going doolally!!!..the project is finished!!!...hurrah!!! Thing is, we dragged the cross sections to the base we had post fixed in....and measured so it wold all fit...and it didn't!!!..much sawing was done while Simon helped drill the other 1...well done to the 2 young fellas that helped me!!....real life practical workings....worked fine and dandy.
Now....working on Sunday for the Forest School we thought was never going to go ahead but is (advised at 8.10 am over the phone while I was drilling holes in the timber at Oldmachar!!) o we now have to sort everything out NOW....pants!!
No rest for the wicked I think.
Tara
Anyhoo...almost finished a big Project with Oldmachar Academy this morning...8.45 am start with drills, hammers and big big nails..will post pics next time of completed work...obviously..without the kids in them!
This post was started but not finished due to my lap top going doolally!!!..the project is finished!!!...hurrah!!! Thing is, we dragged the cross sections to the base we had post fixed in....and measured so it wold all fit...and it didn't!!!..much sawing was done while Simon helped drill the other 1...well done to the 2 young fellas that helped me!!....real life practical workings....worked fine and dandy.
Now....working on Sunday for the Forest School we thought was never going to go ahead but is (advised at 8.10 am over the phone while I was drilling holes in the timber at Oldmachar!!) o we now have to sort everything out NOW....pants!!
No rest for the wicked I think.
Tara
Wednesday, 7 April 2010
Tired Tired
Oh dear me I am tired...been getting to bed early and staying down here..but it seems to be sticking..but then it was a full on week before..non stop with work and house....and I had some sort of bug...all very stressful..but it seems to have paid dividends....all the workmen turned up on Monday and Tuesday so now C is running around looking to buy things...oh dear me!!...without me there to rein her in I suspect a jacuzzi will turn up!!!...only joking....I have no role in it except budgets just now....guess i will be involved again when it comes time to paint. So, I had better enjoy the rest!
Check out the wall paper.....I can remember the stuff on the left but have never seen paisley wall paper!!....crazy...and all this covered avocado green paint on the walls of the bedroom....and a huge dart board...jimmer managed to fill all the holes in...see..it does pay to have a wooden board behind the dart board!
At last, it is sunny here....nice to see the dogs out in the sun at the back...will it last until tomorrow with my health walk?...he he...never does usually.
Tara
Monday, 5 April 2010
Wood chip!!!!
DO NOT talk to me about that stuff!!!!...it is said that after a nuclear explosion cockroaches and other mini beasts will be alive...well...I can assure you...if they are hiding under bloody wood chip they will be safe and bloody sound!!!
Spent the last 3 days (with the help from Jimmer..oops..and C) stripping back the house C has been given by the Council. A lovely area with nice neighbours and no trouble as far as I could see..but....the decor inside was pretty "dated"..vinyl floral prints....wood chip by the acre...hack it back to expose more lurid wall paper..I will post some pics later on..cracking!!...the smell...oooyah...revealing many walls with a touch of damp and some where the plaster fell off. It has been worth it though...a major stage in settling the missus in to a new way of life...once the Cooncil have sorted out what they are going to do we can move onto decorating..although some can be done now..I am cut and burned and aching all over...but it is worth it and I will continue to work on the house...after a wee break!!!
C's son was 11 a few days ago and he had asked about coming on the show...it was all set up and he bailed....then his gran "persuaded" him (I remember that type of persuasion from a long time ago!!...and he wanted to do it again....C's daughter also came along...we had said it was just for a look but...lo and behold...they both went on the mic...they were excellent!!!...and they stayed for the full 2 hour show....it was really nice to see their self esteem rise....C's daughter is not the most confident..although she can kick ass at Judo...but she did it....fab!!....and they qualify for SHMU as well due to the location where C will be staying.
2nd week of the Easter holidays and it is quiet...well...for me....time to do some work, some prep and get things straight in my head for the next term....we are all flat out....I have a new Bridges project coming up....apparently an MSP is coming to see me and the CSO boys this Friday so that will be interesting...and I have still to buy some bloomin tarps from the Bridges budget..where will this time come from?!!!
Anyhoo..things are good..so far...and we move onwards and upwards.
Tara
Spent the last 3 days (with the help from Jimmer..oops..and C) stripping back the house C has been given by the Council. A lovely area with nice neighbours and no trouble as far as I could see..but....the decor inside was pretty "dated"..vinyl floral prints....wood chip by the acre...hack it back to expose more lurid wall paper..I will post some pics later on..cracking!!...the smell...oooyah...revealing many walls with a touch of damp and some where the plaster fell off. It has been worth it though...a major stage in settling the missus in to a new way of life...once the Cooncil have sorted out what they are going to do we can move onto decorating..although some can be done now..I am cut and burned and aching all over...but it is worth it and I will continue to work on the house...after a wee break!!!
C's son was 11 a few days ago and he had asked about coming on the show...it was all set up and he bailed....then his gran "persuaded" him (I remember that type of persuasion from a long time ago!!...and he wanted to do it again....C's daughter also came along...we had said it was just for a look but...lo and behold...they both went on the mic...they were excellent!!!...and they stayed for the full 2 hour show....it was really nice to see their self esteem rise....C's daughter is not the most confident..although she can kick ass at Judo...but she did it....fab!!....and they qualify for SHMU as well due to the location where C will be staying.
2nd week of the Easter holidays and it is quiet...well...for me....time to do some work, some prep and get things straight in my head for the next term....we are all flat out....I have a new Bridges project coming up....apparently an MSP is coming to see me and the CSO boys this Friday so that will be interesting...and I have still to buy some bloomin tarps from the Bridges budget..where will this time come from?!!!
Anyhoo..things are good..so far...and we move onwards and upwards.
Tara
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